Overwhelmed and don't know what to do with myself

[itsmyparty]

I've been quiet because my life is so...unsettled...now. I just moved two weeks ago to a new state like I said I was going to, and though I'm excited, I'm also really overwhelmed with not-so-nice emotions. I feel so sad, alone, and a little pathetic living in a 1 bedroom apartment after having lived in my dream house for several years.

Of course, when I catch myself thinking about the apartment vs house thing, I have to remind myself that the life inside my "dream house" was anything but what I had dreamt of.

Moving has been rough. I really know no one here, so I'm doing it all myself. No one to help me move or assemble heavy furniture, unpack boxes, or keep me company when I'm exhausted at the end of the day and just need to sit on the couch. I don't have a job yet, so for now I'm just forcing myself to go out on walks and stuff so I don't feel like a hermit. Meanwhile I get the occasional email from my stbxh or his attorney (passed along by my attorney), or phone call from him, that just makes me want to scream. It's good for me to be away from him because he was really getting very verbally and mentally abusive, but he still finds a way in his emails and voicemails to be condescending, and I just soooo want this divorce to be over. I could really use a hug, and I have no one to hug me.

[verycontrary247]

*hugs*

There's not a lot more I can say, other than it DOES get better. I promise.

[jenstar]

Hugs itsmyparty, that sounds hard, it's no surprised you're feeling overwhelmed. Are you in therapy? I know that helped me a lot when I hit a wall after moving out etc. I had a lot of anxiety and just not good thought processes..

Go easy on yourself, big transitions like this are hard (which is why lots of people never make them) so be proud of yourself for taking such a huge step. Things will get better as you get further out from everything. And don't feel pathetic about living in a 1 bedroom apartment, try to think of the freedom you have not being chained to a big fancy house! x

[itsmyparty]

Thanks, ladies. I haven't found a new therapist in this locale yet, just because I've been busy unpacking and such, but I was in therapy for more than a year before I moved. I'm giving myself permission to feel all of these feelings and know they're to be expected, but that doesn't really make it any easier. Even for an independent fairly introverted person like me it's still really hard to be going through this transition alone. My family and friends are being loving and supportive from afar, but there's only so much crying, whining and texting over the phone I can do. Plus, I feel guilty crying and carrying on toooo much because this was all my decision - I filed for divorce, I decided to leave my whole life behind and move someplace - without a job - where I know no one, all so I could start fresh. I guess I've just never had to really start completely fresh before, and it's really hard to do so under such sad circumstances (failure of my marriage).

[bg]

I'd second the therapy recommendation. The not so nice feelings lessen with time. They really do! But it's best to feel them as they're happening.

While you're not working can you join some meetups or clubs or activities to get some interaction with people?

[alleinesein]

I spent a lot of time driving around when I moved to CO on my own. Checked out lots of bookstores and just drove around different parts of the city.

Since summer is approaching you could see if your town does any summer activities that are free. We have one city that does free summer concerts on friday nights.

If you were near me I would be happy to play tour guide.

[bl]

I had similar feelings when I moved after my divorce and my mom moved with me, so I can only imagine it is even harder with no one. I got into therapy within a month or so because I was that miserable. Luckily I found a couple of friends and started to explore the town through meetup and casual dating. Getting out and about from my apartment was huge for my happiness, but everyone is different.

[somersault72]

That's a lot of changes to go through. I agree with checking out some meetups and exploring your new surroundings. Big hugs to you. Things will get better.

[FormerlyRR]

Ditto to driving around and getting used to the area. I also moved to a new town all alone and into a tiny apartment. I kept telling myself it was all mine and I could put things wherever I wanted and hang pictures I liked, and just kept up an internal dialog of yay, me.
And quit that "failure of my marriage" thinking. End of your marriage. Failure of your STBX to be a functioning partner.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Apr 12, 2016 8:50:43 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

And quit that "failure of my marriage" thinking. End of your marriage. Failure of your STBX to be a functioning partner.

This can't be said enough!

[bg]

Apr 12, 2016 13:56:30 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Apr 12, 2016 8:50:43 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

And quit that "failure of my marriage" thinking. End of your marriage. Failure of your STBX to be a functioning partner.

This can't be said enough!

Yep - your divorce is a solution to your problem, not a failure on your part. 

[1confused1]

Just wanted to offer hugs

[glitzyglow]

Congrats on your move! You didn't fail anything. It is a big adjustment, for sure, and it will take time. A toast to new beginnings and bright futures! :drink:

[thedutchgirl]

Congratulations on your move! You should be so, so proud of yourself for taking care of you. It is an adjustment, and you will look back on this and know you did the right thing.

[Deleted]

Hugs.  I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed.  I think once you settle in, those feelings should subside.  Definitely drive around, keep busy and explore your new area.

[sherbanator]

((Hugs)). I'm sorry, that sounds like a lot to go through and I understand completely. I just recently moved to CO and haven't made any friends yet, either. Too bad you're not over here, I think we could really relate to each other.

[itsmyparty]

Thank you for the kind words and reminders, ladies. Yes, I do find that the more I go out - whether it's a walk in the park, sitting outside Starbucks, driving around exploring the area, shopping, whatever, I feel better. It's when I'm just sitting in my apartment that I start to feel sad. I will join some MeetUps eventually; for some reason I don't feel ready for it, which is silly, but that's the way it feels.

I'm in the Bay Area, btw, in case anyone else lives here.

[alleinesein]

Apr 15, 2016 20:36:22 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

Thank you for the kind words and reminders, ladies. Yes, I do find that the more I go out - whether it's a walk in the park, sitting outside Starbucks, driving around exploring the area, shopping, whatever, I feel better. It's when I'm just sitting in my apartment that I start to feel sad. I will join some MeetUps eventually; for some reason I don't feel ready for it, which is silly, but that's the way it feels.

I'm in the Bay Area, btw, in case anyone else lives here.

If you like cats and can easily get into SF you can hit up the various events at KitTea.  They do movies and other events.

I know there is at least one SO girl who lives in the bay area but I'm drawing a blank on her name right now.  If you frequent the CEP board there are some cool bay area girls there.  

[daisyn]

I could've written your post about 7 years ago.  It's tough and I'm sure a lot of us can relate.  It's an adjustment.  I know I felt like a failure because from the outside I "had everything".  Beautiful family, fancy house, fancy cars, great job but I got hit by depression because it doesn't care your socio-economic status bc my XH was incredible controlling and wanted me to be something I'm not (step ford wife)

I'm so much happier now that I can do as I please!  It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do but life got better and I'm so grateful I had the courage to start over.

Take it a day at a time.  Get out and make some connections in your new community.  Go to places where people hang out- the gym, coffee shops, whatever and you'll start to see the same people around.  Do something you love to do.  Have some fun