How many dates/men until a relationship?

[jellymankelly]

Dates with maybe 5 guys before the first guy I dated regularly (not a true relationship). After that, I had a 4 month relationship with an old friend (we are no longer friends, so I don't recommend that). A few months after that ended, I met the guy I'm currently engaged to. I wish I could have bypassed all the other stuff, and gone straight to him, but I learned SO MUCH about myself from those other experiences. If he and I had met a year sooner, we wouldn't be together now, because I was in no shape for a healthy relationship. We met about 2 years after I separated from XH.

Edited: I wanted to add that I had my kids 95% of the time in the early days, so I didn't go out on dates with people unless I really thought it was worth it. If I was going to spend my valuable free time with someone, I had to feel like we could have some sort of connection. So that's why I didn't go on a ton of random dates.

[redredwine]

Apr 18, 2016 15:33:42 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Dates with maybe 5 guys before the first guy I dated regularly (not a true relationship). After that, I had a 4 month relationship with an old friend (we are no longer friends, so I don't recommend that). A few months after that ended, I met the guy I'm currently engaged to. I wish I could have bypassed all the other stuff, and gone straight to him, but I learned SO MUCH about myself from those other experiences. If he and I had met a year sooner, we wouldn't be together now, because I was in no shape for a healthy relationship. We met about 2 years after I separated from XH.

This is such a good statement. While it's a numbers game, it's also a "right place/right time" game and a "we can both be in a healthy relationship right now" game. 

I met a GREAT guy 2 months after my husband left. First guy I went out with. So great. 
He told me I wasn't ready after a few dates. I was like "AM TOOOO!!!" 

I was SO not, lol.

I took a year and half off. After weeding through lots online, maybe went on 20 - 30 first dates? about half made it to date 2, half of those past date 3...dated 3 guy's more than a month. AFTEr all those, I met my now H. 

Numbers, but also timing. Lots of times I was like "OMG, over it!" but then I'd just hop back on the dating wagon most times (a few times I took a few weeks-months break)

[jojoandleo]

I dated my HS BF for 4 1/2 years (I was 22 when we broke up). After him, I was single for 2 years. I dated a shit ton of men. I also slept with without dating a solidly high number. I had ONE four month relationship during that time. Then I met my XFI. FI and I were together a little over a year. After he and I broke up, I think I went on a single date with maybe 2-3 guys? Then I met MH. I was definitely judged for getting serious with one of the first guys I dated, but it worked out for me. Granted, I recently considered murdering my husband for the insurance money, but things have come around and are good again now.

I don't think there is any definite time frame/number of men. It's all luck. The more frogs you kiss, the more likely you are to find a prince, but sometimes, you only have to kiss one.

ETA: I should mention, XFI and I were split for a while before I dated ANYONE.  I was in therapy and didn't date during that time.  XFI was a total gaslighter and had me convinced I had all these issues (which, I did have issues, but many of them were because of him.  LOL) and needed serious therapy.  I DID need therapy.  Therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Deleted]

It's been five and half years since my divorce. I've probably gone on maybe 20-30 dates? But I've taken looooong breaks. My first boyfriend was about 2-2.5 years out? We were only together for a few months. Aside from that I've dated guys for a period of time but nothing committed.

[1confused1]

I got into a relationship with the first guy I dated after my divorce. It was about a year and a half after the xh and I separated. We dated for about 6 months, we are still good friends.

I had another relationship soon after we broke up, that lasted on and off for a year and ended about a year ago.

I have dated hear and there, but haven't really found anyone I really connected with.

Fwiw, I'm about 4 1/2 years out from when XH and I separated.

[bl]

When I first started dating, I dated about 3 guys fairly consistently on and off, but didn't see anything serious with any of them and then met my first ex bf after exh. I lucked out in that I didn't have any seriously bad dates right when I first started dating.

Then I moved to Orlando and probably dated 25+ guys and most of them (all but one guy) were only one or two dates or very casual fwb type things because I didn't see anything more with them. I got pretty frustrated and basically gave up on dating when my now current bf (who was previously a friend) came back into my life and we have been together since.

[daisyn]

I left my ex in Oct 2009
I dated a guy briefly (2 months) spring of 2011
Then in 2012 I had a boyfriend for about a year
Then in summer 2013 (3 month) & summer 2014 (2 months) I dated the same guy

Went on a bunch of dates in between, like I recently went on 3 dates with a guy but I don't think it's going anywhere and before that around January dated another guy for like 3 dates.

And now I'm single
Not sure I'm cut out for a relationship right now but I'm also in a place where I don't want to grow old alone because who is going to take care of me and I'm not going to have my looks forever!! Lol

[glitzyglow]

I've not had a boyfriend since I ended my marriage in 2012. There is only 1 guy I've seen more than 2 dates, but we've never been exclusive.

[lemons]

I've never done online dating. When H died, I was not planning to ever date. Then I met a guy at a grief group. We were instant friends. Eventually that friendship developed and we've been dating for a few months. If things don't work out, I'm not sure if I'll date more or not.

[doglove]

I separated and had about a 15 month wait until the divorce was final. I only have really steadily dated two guys (one a month before the divorce was final and one for about a month in January), but they didn't amount to anything. No boyfriends here, but I'm okay with that because I've had a lot of self work and grief to deal with that I've focused on.

[stephreloaded]

I have no idea how many dates I have had to be honest. I have dated a few guys here and there for several months but nothing serious (my own choice). I haven't been in a relationship since my ex so 2008. 

I could have dated seriously one guy but I was nowhere near ready to do so when DD was a few months old. I think it took me 2 years to be ready to be in a relationship. 

[greysgirl]

A few months after I officially left my husband (things had been over for like a year before that) I started dating a guy I knew from high school. That lasted a few months. I am actually still in touch with him. I think I might have gone on one random date before I dated him.

After that ended I got back in touch with a guy I went to college with, I dated him for 3.5 years. That ended this past summer.

I have been on tons of first dates since then and there have been 3 guys I liked and dated for short periods of time and ended for one reason or another.

I thought I had met the one with my long term bf but I guess you never know.

I'm still out there and trying not to lose hope.

[glynn]

To soon to tell. Divorced I week today. 1 date with XB that I have been friends with for a long time.

[arielroux]

I don't think my experience is the norm as ExH and I had a pretty dead relationship before we even decided to split up, so I couldn't wait to get back out there and meet someone who I actually WANTED to spend time with. I started dating almost immediately after we decided to split...I'd say within a month of it. We've been split since last May, officially divorced since January.

Anyway, I've been on a bunch of first dates (10-15, maybe?), most of which didn't lead to second dates. I've found that I know really, really quickly if I do, or do not, want to see someone again.

Of those who DID get 2nd dates - One guy I went out with about 4 times, but he got weird and I had to shut it down. Another guy I dated casually for about 3-4 months, but he got boring. Another guy made it about two months, but I got tired of putting up with his wishy-washy shit. And there's the guy who is now my BF, who was also one of the first guys I met. We met last June, and finally became exclusive within the last month/month and a half.

What I've found is that as much as I want to find someone to be with, at this point in my life, I will not go out with someone just for the sake of having someone to spend time with. It's not worth it to me. I also have a severely low tolerance for bullshit anymore. if I'm tired of your shit, we're not seeing each other anymore. I'm much more selective with my time and energy.

[Deleted]

I have been separated for over 4 years at this point. I had one date from OK and it got weird fast on our second date. And then I met someone via work and we FWB a bit. Then I met my xboyfriend who I dated for like a year and a half? Then I really went on no dates and just had two relationships 6 months and then 7 months. So I don't really date a lot.
I feel like I'm on the verge of being single for a long time right now and I'm okay with that. I don't feel like I need anyone to complete me/my life. When I first divorced/separated I felt like I needed to fill a gap or hole but now I'm really better at being single.

[Queen Mamadala]

I dated quite a bit toward the end of our marriage, when it was open, and continued after we separated. I joined PoF in July, talked to a lot of guys, and went on my first date in August. I went out with this guy a few more times. I probably went on over two dozen dates, with different men, between July and Feb the next year, which was when I started exclusively dating a man I met on OKC. We dated for 9-10 months, and talked on and off after that for many months.

Actually, virtually all of the men I was more serious with I met on OKC. I met some on PoF, one I dated for about a month, and some I went on a few dates with. OKC was my favorite site by far. With the next boyfriend, we were together for about 6 months, and I dated another man for a few weeks after him. There was 7 months between the end of that relationship (6-monther) to meeting my husband.

But between that period, I went out on a lot of dates, well over two dozen, like before.

[jigsy]

I've been divorced for a year and a half, and I just ended the only exclusive relationship I've had since then. I can't even tell you how many first dates I have been on, I have been on half a dozen second dates, and 2 third/fourth dates.

I have found that I am very picky, especially so with 2nd dates. I need something to be there to want to pursue a second date, be it attraction or interest or whatever...most of the time, it just isn't there. I don't think it is a numbers game personally. Quality over quantity.

[Deleted]

Who counts these things?

[riverpestie]

After my divorce, I was single for 4 years-ish. I had a FWB for a while, but didn't date anyone at all. After that, I dated a guy for a couple of years and then I started dating my now husband.

[katieido]

I dunno