Every 6 months or so my pledge sisters all get together with our husbands and kids for an afternoon at someones house. We all live within a few hours of each other. Its really fun, all the moms catch up and drink & chat while the kids play together and the husbands hang out/take care of the kids. This is scheduled for this weekend, has been scheduled for like 3 months now. Its a 2 1/2 hour car ride away, so probably the farthest one for me. I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. This is the 2nd reunion (we call them) with my youngest, so everyone have already met both my kids. That is option 1
Also this weekend is a 2nd birthday party for a family friends kid (K). My mom just called this morning to invite me and the kids. The party is local, at a park, will be fun for both my kids. Here is the kicker, just 2 1/2 weeks ago Ks parents were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. I was childhood friends with the Dad (D) but hadn't seem him in years. I only met the mom (M) once. My mom and Ds moms were best friends from high school, so we were very close when we were younger. It is an absolute tragedy that they were both killed. K doesn't even understand what is going on, but his whole life has been turned upside down. Everyone's have. Ds parents are now taking care of K full time, they are in their 60s, probably never would have imagined they would be in this situation. Just a few weeks ago M was talking about Ks birthday party and the plans, to have a curios George theme. Ds mom is honoring her wishes and still throwing the party with the Curios George theme. Its heartbreaking to even think about how unfair this all is, but K still deserves a normal (as much as he can get at this time) birthday party.
So, what should I do? I kind of want to go to the birthday party to support the family. But, on the other hand I wasn't close to D and M in the later years of our lives, and I only met K a few times. Plus, I do have other plans that were already set, but that 2.5 hour drive (and back) is going to suck. What would you do if these were your options?
TLDR - What should I do this weekend 1 - pledge class reunion, already planned, far away 2 - birthday party for childhood friends kid going through a traumatic experience, last minute invite, local
I would go to the birthday party. Just because you weren't super close to the parents doesn't mean you can't/shouldn't be part of the support team for the kid and grandparents going forward.
Oh wow. I would probably go to the local party. I'm assuming it's being thrown together sort of last minute? I would want to make sure there were a lot of kids there for the birthday kid. How awful. Will your mom be there? I may feel weird if I didn't know anyone.
Oh wow. I would probably go to the local party. I'm assuming it's being thrown together sort of last minute? I would want to make sure there were a lot of kids there for the birthday kid. How awful. Will your mom be there? I may feel weird if I didn't know anyone.
Yes, my mom will be there. That's a good point about wanting to make sure there are a lot of kids there. I think I am leaning this way also
When reading option 1, I was hard-pressed to think of something that would make me skip it, but I would absolutely opt for the b-day party in this case. I think it would mean the world to the grandparents and the little kid to be surrounded by friends and family right now.
I actually think it's ok to keep your original plans. Even more important than this party will be a presence in K's life going forward. Commit to that. Reach out to D's parents soon and plan some regular playdates (maybe breaks for them). This one party for K is nice, but you have prior plans, and you can make a commitment to help K regularly going forward.
Definitely the birthday party. I'm sure your pledge sisters will understand why you want to go to that instead of the reunion. I think it's really important to be there for K and his grandparents right now. They need all of the love and support they can get, and they are old friends of your family, despite you not being in touch recently.
Post by leonard131 on Apr 26, 2016 14:03:59 GMT -5
I would go to the party. While the child may not remember who was there the grieving grandparents/guardians will. Having tons of people there to celebrate I am sure would me a lot to them.
I vote birthday party. But if you were really strongly wanting to go to the pledge get together I don't think you'd be a terrible person for going to the pledge party but also making a concerted effort to reach out to K's family and be a supportive presence in other ways.
I think that a big showing at the birthday party will be meaningful to the grandparents, but what will matter to K is a more long term feeling of community.
Thanks everyone for the feedback, birthday party it is. I know its the right thing to do. I just keep thinking of that Cole Swindell song - You should be here. Like aghhh, how can a 2 year old be having a birthday party without his parents
It's perfect outside it's like God let me dial up the weather Got the whole crew here, I ain't seen some of them in forever. It's one of those never forget it, better stop and take it in kinda scenes. Everything's just right yeah except for one thing.
You should be here, standing with your arm around me here. Cutting up, cracking a cold beer, saying cheers, hey y'all it's sure been a good year. It's one of those moments, that's got your name written all over it. And you know that if I had just one wish it'd be that you didn't have to miss this You should be here.
... the tears are now flowing while I'm at work, ugh