Devastated

[spedteachermom]

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

[doglove]

Apr 29, 2016 7:16:48 GMT -5 spedteachermom said:

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

I think this is a terrible idea. Bringing another kid into the situation just so you don't have a large age gap when you have serious issues in your marriage? That should not be the priority right now, your marriage and figuring out whether or not you can resolve the trust issues should be first and foremost. This is also another subject for therapy. 

[spedteachermom]

Apr 29, 2016 7:21:37 GMT -5 doglove said:

Apr 29, 2016 7:16:48 GMT -5 spedteachermom said:

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

I think this is a terrible idea. Bringing another kid into the situation just so you don't have a large age gap when you have serious issues in your marriage? That should not be the priority right now, your marriage and figuring out whether or not you can resolve the trust issues should be first and foremost. This is also another subject for therapy. 

Oh I know it's a horrible idea, but I'm just saying that it's hard to let go of that idea. I'm young and have plenty of time, and I know larger age gaps are fine, the whole situation just sucks so bad and hurts so much.

[jojoandleo]

Apr 29, 2016 7:16:48 GMT -5 spedteachermom said:

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

My sister didn't want a large age gap, but she had a lot of complications trying to get pregnant the second time around. It took over 2 years and now there will be a five year age gap. Life happens. Mourn the loss of the life you wanted, but don't let it consume you, or lead you to make bad decisions. I have a sister who is 9 years older than me and a brother who is almost 8 years younger than me and we are ALL still very close. Even my brother and sister who have almost 17 years between them.

[jenstar]

I struggled with this too but ultimately decided that if I was going to end up on my own (which seemed inevitable) I would be a much better single parent to one child than two and I didn't want that to be a reason that I stuck around longer than I needed. Also, the older my DS got the more I wanted to get out before he would remember the 3 of us living together. Within about 6 months he didn't have any recollection of it (he was 2).

The age gap still gets to me sometimes, and I'm already 36 so I don't have a lot of time and I am not even really dating so no prospects for now. I have made peace with the idea of potentially only having DS though, and I'm ok with that, it's more than some people get.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 29, 2016 7:16:48 GMT -5 spedteachermom said:

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

no no no ! A baby is not what will 'fix' your marriage. I always wanted 2 and made the painful decision to be OAD when dd was 9 months old bc of who I was married to. Now that we're no longer together, if the right guy comes along I'm not opposed to another one (I'm in my early 40's so time isn't exactly on my side lol) but at the same time if it ends up just being dd, I'm fine w that too. IF I were to have another I'm looking at a large gap bt kids and it doesn't bother me in the least.

[spedteachermom]

Apr 29, 2016 10:53:54 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Apr 29, 2016 7:16:48 GMT -5 spedteachermom said:

I had my first counseling appointment, and it went well. A lot of crying, but I was able to talk.

Before this happened I had gotten my birth control implant out and we were going to start trying for another baby in May. I know that would be a stupid idea, but I can't stop thinking that I want one and not a large age gap etc

no no no ! A baby is not what will 'fix' your marriage. I always wanted 2 and made the painful decision to be OAD when dd was 9 months old bc of who I was married to. Now that we're no longer together, if the right guy comes along I'm not opposed to another one (I'm in my early 40's so time isn't exactly on my side lol) but at the same time if it ends up just being dd, I'm fine w that too. IF I were to have another I'm looking at a large gap bt kids and it doesn't bother me in the least.

Oh I know having a baby won't fix things, I already made that mistake once. It's just so hard to let go of that idea. I'm only 29, so I know I have time, I don't know it all just hurts so bad

[1confused1]

spedteachermom, I'm glad your therapy appointment went well. Did you talk about a plan for YOU? I understand that giving up on the idea of having a second child with this person is hard, but that REALLY doesn't need to be your focus of your sessions right now.

Are you going back to see this person?

[spedteachermom]

Apr 29, 2016 13:00:15 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

spedteachermom, I'm glad your therapy appointment went well. Did you talk about a plan for YOU? I understand that giving up on the idea of having a second child with this person is hard, but that REALLY doesn't need to be your focus of your sessions right now.

Are you going back to see this person?

I did make another appointment. It was not the focus of my session, I did bring it up, but we both agreed that if another baby is meant to be it will come at the right time, and maybe not even with the same person. But that was one of the hardest things I have ever written, right now I can't imagine leaving or having another baby with someone else. I feel like I should want to leave, but that's not how I feel.

[bg]

spedteachermom I think everything you're feeling and thinking about is perfecting normal. You're faced with a new reality that you didn't ask for or want and some of that means you're also missing out on things in the future that you thought would happen. And expect your feelings to change a million times too. It's a crazy roller coaster but you'll get through it.

[itsmyparty]

At least you have one child. I wanted kids, but leaving my husband at age 37 probably means I won't have them.

[spedteachermom]

Apr 30, 2016 1:05:58 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

At least you have one child. I wanted kids, but leaving my husband at age 37 probably means I won't have them.

Yes, you are right, I am very grateful for my son, he is the only thing getting me through this at this point.

[doriswe]

Apr 30, 2016 1:05:58 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

At least you have one child. I wanted kids, but leaving my husband at age 37 probably means I won't have them.

I'm sorry but 'at least-ing' someone is so damn rude. She's going through struggles don't add to it by at least-ing and making her feel bad on top of her original hurt.

I'm sorry you don't have any children and want them, but being 37 isn't an immediate "sorry you get no babies" sentence.

[dancelnow]

I understand the feeling of loss over not being able to continue trying for a second. We were contemplating ending the adoption process for number 2 (had recently had a failed placement). Not just am I grieving the marriage that isn't, but the family I imagined that won't be either. It's not easy, but I'm coming to terms with it. So is my son.