3yo with a headache & pains

[jenstar]

My DS has complained a few times over the last few days that he has a headache.. When I ask about it he says he must have banged his head on something.. Yesterday morning when I picked him up from a sleepover at SILs he told me he had a sore back and a headache. And at some point in the last few days he has mentioned having sore legs too.

XH called me a little while ago to say that after his swimming lesson this morning (where again he mentioned a headache when he got out of the pool) he was out of sorts and took himself off to bed because he was tired. Then when he woke up he was still out of sorts, crying and asking for me and saying he had a headache and sore eyes.

I haven't noticed that he's been running a fever or anything, but he's definitely been tired (which I think is just from lack of sleep). He's just never been one to complain, so now I am starting to worry and of course xh won't get back to me with an update on how he's going..

Would this stuff concern you if it was your kid?

[zaneyzoo]

Yes. I'm an admitted overworrier, but yes this would concern me.

Dd went though headaches when she was about 3. Not to the extent of your ds. We had her eyes checked and had her seen by our pcp. She was ok thankfully.

I would get it checked out though

[mcsangel2]

I don't have kids, but if I did, this would concern me.

[sarahbear]

Yes, this would be an immediate trip to the hospital for me.

[Deleted]

I'd want a doctor to tell its nothing to worry about

[jenstar]

Ok, I am glad I am not alone here.. Xh has a habit of minimizing things that happen to other people, including his own child, so I don't really know if I can trust his judgement when it comes to these things.

[lilac05]

Yes, I would be concerned. I'd call his pedi & talk to whoever is on call to see if they recommend taking him in tonight of monitoring the situation.

[jenstar]

Apr 30, 2016 0:48:38 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Yes, I would be concerned. I'd call his pedi & talk to whoever is on call to see if they recommend taking him in tonight of monitoring the situation.

Diff hemisphere so it's 4pm here now.. I have tried calling xh and he's not answering and hasn't replied to a text in over 2 hours.. Wtf?!! #hulksmash

[aMrsin09]

Do you know where they are? Can you just go over and see him?

[jenstar]

No, I don't know. They could be at his place but I don't know how I'd feel about showing up there unannounced. I feel like if you're at home normally you'd hear your phone, or check it periodically..? I just hope DS is ok.

Coparenting with a narcissist really is some bullshit.

[lilac05]

Ugh. I'm sorry you can't get ahold of him. When are you supposed to get your son back? Do you know anyone who might be able to get ahold of him? (Maybe a friend of his, in case he's just not wanting to talk to you?)

I don't want to be an alarmist, as there is a good chance it's nothing to be worried about. But in the off chance that there IS something going on, the sooner he can be seen, the better.

In the meantime, I'd call the pedi and tell them what you know. They may not have enough information to make a call as to what you should do, but at least the info will be started on his chart.

[jenstar]

He doesn't really have a pedi, but we have a GP that he sees. I will get him back tomorrow so it's not the end of the world, unless it's something like meningitis. I did ask xh in one of my texts to check for neck stiffness and sensitivity to light, so hopefully he has at least done that..

I'm trying not to be alarmist either but hard when I can't see him myself and the second link on google was cancer related..

tiki, I wondered that too, he's always had really good eyesight but both xh and I are short sighted so I expect he may need glasses at some point.. It just doesn't explain the sore legs and sore back that he's also complained about.

I can't wait to have him home again. Before Easter xh called me to say he'd been bitten by their dog and described it as a "more of a graze" than a bite and I told him to call the nurse hotline and see what they recommended. He told me they said it would all be fine, no action required. I took him to the gp the next day who gave him his tetanus booster (which was due) and a course of antibiotics because it looked kinda nasty. I just don't trust him on these things.

[jenstar]

He finally just called, Oh, he's FINE! Grrr reckons he just has a cold or whatever.. Wtf?! I can't believe I have to deal with this person for another 14 years

[jenstar]

And I'll make my own assessment on whether he's fine or not when I see him tomorrow.

[Deleted]

I feel like it's growing pains. But I would want to hear that from a doctor because my mind jumped to meningitis as well.

I'm sorry your ex sucks so much.

[textbookcase]

C was getting bad headaches when she was around 5. Her ped said headaches in young children is never a "normal" thing. She ended up having over-developed sinuses that were getting frequent sinus infections. I would at least go get things checked out ASAP.

[iamgrace]

I will echo everyone else and say if my kid complained of these things, we'd be at the doctor's or possibly the ER, immediately.

My h downplays things, too. Even when Henry was having an anaphylactic reaction to cashews, he was all, meh, let's wait and see.

Are you fucking kidding me? Of course now he tells the story differently. But I know.

[missmaddie]

Hope you've got an update by now.

DS DID have a fever last weekend, but was initially complaining about a sore head, and ended up having a wicked sinus infection, even though no obvious congestion (until the meds have finally started to kick and release it). A few times since he's complained about his eyes and head being sore. I hope there's a simple explanation or just a transient thing.

[boxertdog]

Apr 30, 2016 2:22:48 GMT -5 jenstar said:

He finally just called, Oh, he's FINE! Grrr reckons he just has a cold or whatever.. Wtf?! I can't believe I have to deal with this person for another 14 years

Sorry but you don't stop being parents together when your kids are 18. I can't imagine parenting with a narc but my mom is one and my dad basically took the I'm never speaking to her agin road when we were adults. Which made graduations, birthdays, weddings and childbirth really fun. :/

[jenstar]

He won't be back home til tonight, so prob 8 more hours, but apparently he's JUST FINE, and I'm some crazy worrier.. He thinks it's sinus pain too, so I guess I'll get that checked at the doc.. He had a sinus infection for over 6 months last year though (we didn't realize that's what it was) but he never complained of pain. And the leg and back complaints concern me. But I'll be much more comfortable when he's back with me and I can keep an eye on him myself.

It's nice to know that I'm not overreacting here, I was obviously told that a lot in my marriage and I do still second guess myself

[jenstar]

Apr 30, 2016 19:04:07 GMT -5 boxertdog said:

Apr 30, 2016 2:22:48 GMT -5 jenstar said:

He finally just called, Oh, he's FINE! Grrr reckons he just has a cold or whatever.. Wtf?! I can't believe I have to deal with this person for another 14 years

Sorry but you don't stop being parents together when your kids are 18. I can't imagine parenting with a narc but my mom is one and my dad basically took the I'm never speaking to her agin road when we were adults. Which made graduations, birthdays, weddings and childbirth really fun. :/

I can deal with the special occasion stuff, that's no worries, it's the having to deal with everyday stuff like this that is hard. And once DS is an adult he won't obviously need so much input from us. I don't trust his judgement when it comes to our child because he never puts the interests of anyone else before himself. Also, as DS gets older things will change and he will be able to communicate better.

While it would be nice, I'm not naive enough to think that we will never have to see or talk to each other again after 14 years..

[boxertdog]

Apr 30, 2016 19:22:01 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Apr 30, 2016 19:04:07 GMT -5 boxertdog said:

Sorry but you don't stop being parents together when your kids are 18. I can't imagine parenting with a narc but my mom is one and my dad basically took the I'm never speaking to her agin road when we were adults. Which made graduations, birthdays, weddings and childbirth really fun. :/

I can deal with the special occasion stuff, that's no worries, it's the having to deal with everyday stuff like this that is hard. And once DS is an adult he won't obviously need so much input from us. I don't trust his judgement when it comes to our child because he never puts the interests of anyone else before himself. Also, as DS gets older things will change and he will be able to communicate better.

While it would be nice, I'm not naive enough to think that we will never have to see or talk to each other again after 14 years..

Yeah I'm sorry. My mom never wanted to take me to the dr. either. It was like - cutting into her TV shows or whatever. Narc parents are the worst.

[jenstar]

Apr 30, 2016 19:27:49 GMT -5 boxertdog said:

Apr 30, 2016 19:22:01 GMT -5 jenstar said:

I can deal with the special occasion stuff, that's no worries, it's the having to deal with everyday stuff like this that is hard. And once DS is an adult he won't obviously need so much input from us. I don't trust his judgement when it comes to our child because he never puts the interests of anyone else before himself. Also, as DS gets older things will change and he will be able to communicate better.

While it would be nice, I'm not naive enough to think that we will never have to see or talk to each other again after 14 years..

Yeah I'm sorry. My mom never wanted to take me to the dr. either. It was like - cutting into her TV shows or whatever. Narc parents are the worst.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm so worried about how his dad will impact on DS as he grows up. I have made it easy for him to have access to his son because that way he might make the effort but sometimes I wonder if moving away is actually more in his interests.

[boxertdog]

Apr 30, 2016 20:07:31 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Apr 30, 2016 19:27:49 GMT -5 boxertdog said:

Yeah I'm sorry. My mom never wanted to take me to the dr. either. It was like - cutting into her TV shows or whatever. Narc parents are the worst.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm so worried about how his dad will impact on DS as he grows up. I have made it easy for him to have access to his son because that way he might make the effort but sometimes I wonder if moving away is actually more in his interests.

In my case having one sane parent and a safe and stable environment helped counteract a lot of the negatives. I can't speak for the alternative but I think I'm a lot of ways my dad letting me come to my own conclusions about my mom made some of it easier to face I guess. As the rational parent you can only do so much to protect your kid but with you there, he will be ok.

[easamae]

I don't want to scare you, but this happened to a friends daughter recently. She complained of a headache and pains. They brought her in and the doctor said it was growing pains. A few days later she began to have trouble walking, so that brought her in and it turned out she has DIPG, a rare form of cancer.

When in doubt, take your child in. It could be nothing or it could be something. Either way, I'd want to know.

[FastHands]

Apr 30, 2016 22:00:04 GMT -5 easamae said:

I don't want to scare you, but this happened to a friends daughter recently. She complained of a headache and pains. They brought her in and the doctor said it was growing pains. A few days later she began to have trouble walking, so that brought her in and it turned out she has DIPG, a rare form of cancer.

When in doubt, take your child in. It could be nothing or it could be something. Either way, I'd want to know.

She said she's taking her kid to the damn dr. GTFO with this.

[jenstar]

It's ok, I already scared myself by consulting Dr Google.. XH just called again to say he wasn't feeling well again etc and has been really tired today and has a cold or whatever. The thing making me nervous now is that he said DS had been all sweaty, but apparently not running a fever. And it's not hot today. Quite often when I check on him at night he's all sweaty and I honestly don't know if he's just overdressed for the weather or if it's something else. I never thought twice about it before now.

Will def take him to the doctor tomorrow (Monday here) and see what he thinks. He's usually pretty thorough.

Sorry about your friends daughter easamae, I hope she's going ok.

[karmasabiotch]

I worry about everything so my theory has always been to get things checked out. It usually doesn't turn out to be anything but I like knowing that.

[CloudBee]

I hope when you get him back he's feeling better.

[polarbearfans]

I hope everything is ok with your son. It may be helpful to make a list of symptoms before going. I feel I always forget to mention something in the moment