Monday randoms

[sweetchix]

Eeeeeeekkkk!!! My interview is scheduled for this Friday!!! Now the nerves are starting up again!!! I have to figure out what to wear, practice some interview questions, print out my resume...

Otherwise... Ugh, Monday. The morning radio show has been talking about that woman who wants "ME-ternity" time made available for everyone. I think it's ridiculous because maternity leave is a MEDICAL leave for recovery from childbirth. If she wants time off to do whatever then she can take a PERSONAL leave.

What's up for your Monday?

[bl]

sweetchix yay for you interview!

I woke up super congested and just overall sick feeling on Friday, so I didn't get hardly anything I needed to get over the weekend before vacation. I have so much to do tonight and tomorrow before we head out on Wed.

[bg]

Good luck with your interview sweetchix!

I need to finish a presentation for an interview tomorrow. I actually like this job, which is making me more nervous.

One of my good friends who moved away last year is back for a week. I'm excited to see her today.

[Deleted]

My big issue with maternity leave is that our country just goes about it all wrong. There aren't resources to hire temps so as a single person I end up picking up a lot of the work for people going out on maternity leave and frankly that isn't fair. I won't ever be having children so this isn't like sick time where you pick up the slack some times and then others pick up the slack for you. Overall I really wish would the government would step in and either pay for temporary workers or pay for maternity leave and in turn require employers to hire someone to take the place of the person taking maternity leave. But overall meternity is totally not a relevant argument to maternity and a whole other situation. But I will say in my jobs (and I know this isn't the norms for most) working parents got a lot of advantages and the single people were expected to pick up the slack. That has to stop because it does breed resentment.

[TR]

May 2, 2016 9:36:04 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

My big issue with maternity leave is that our country just goes about it all wrong. There aren't resources to hire temps so as a single person I end up picking up a lot of the work for people going out on maternity leave and frankly that isn't fair. I won't ever be having children so this isn't like sick time where you pick up the slack some times and then others pick up the slack for you. Overall I really wish would the government would step in and either pay for temporary workers or pay for maternity leave and in turn require employers to hire someone to take the place of the person taking maternity leave. But overall meternity is totally not a relevant argument to maternity and a whole other situation. But I will say in my jobs (and I know this isn't the norms for most) working parents got a lot of advantages and the single people were expected to pick up the slack. That has to stop because it does breed resentment.

Ditto all of this, especially the bolded. That has been my experience, too.

[sweetchix]

May 2, 2016 9:58:41 GMT -5 mp said:

LOL @ the maternity comments based on the thread on ML right now.

Maternity leave is good for women. Which is good for society.

I do think that our workplaces are not nearly as accommodating and that people end up picking up slack... but consider that we get 6 weeks of extra work, and they have a lifetime of parenting... so...

It's not about what is FAIR, IMO. It's about what is good for our society. Even if I don't partake in maternity leave ever, I think anything that is good for women is also good for me.

My company hired a temp while I was out on both of my maternity leaves. I guess that would vary from company to company though.

Anybody, parent or not, would love to take some ME time. But for her to compare that to maternity leave is absurd. I just pushed an 8lb 13oz baby out of my body and will spend AT LEAST, the next 6 weeks bleeding, leaking, cramping, not sleeping...all while taking care of and adjusting to this new human being. Far, FAR from me time.

Off to read ML's post now...

[doglove]

How can it just be Monday? Can't the weekend keep going? Bah!

[Deleted]

May 2, 2016 9:58:41 GMT -5 mp said:

LOL @ the maternity comments based on the thread on ML right now.

Maternity leave is good for women. Which is good for society.

I do think that our workplaces are not nearly as accommodating and that people end up picking up slack... but consider that we get 6 weeks of extra work, and they have a lifetime of parenting... so...

It's not about what is FAIR, IMO. It's about what is good for our society. Even if I don't partake in maternity leave ever, I think anything that is good for women is also good for me.

Well, it's not just 6 weeks. My extra work was 16 weeks long and then every day her kid was sick. OBVIOUSLY I understand that life isn't fair but when I work ten to twelve hour days and get paid for 8 hour days with no flex time, no extra leave accrued, and often come in on a day off to work a few hours to catch up. There is resentment. But the resentment is at my company, not the parent.  And at my company, we have the resources to temp hire/temp promote a minion to spread the workload and they didn't. That isn't the parents' fault. That is the broken system's fault. 


As an aside, dads should also be rotating on that sick leave train. KWIM? 

[Deleted]

Also, I was listening on the radio about a poll on match said only 6% of guys expect to get lucky on the first date. I wonder how that goes up per each date up to 10. Also it was just polling men. Some women want dick too... way to feed into stereotypes.

[brooke77]

I wish the government/companies did a better job with covering for parental leave. At my firm, people can (and often do) take 6 months of parental leave. There is no temporary help while the person is away and it makes it really stressful. I also think it creates an atmosphere where young females are not the preferred hire since the assumption is the firm will need to cover one or several maternity leaves for her - which is a burden for everyone...

Surely there has to be a better system.

[Deleted]

brooke77 and @lemonlover those extended periods were my experience as well. I realize that no, not everything is going to be fair in life. But, because someone chose to have a child, I don't think more burden should be put on me because I decided not to. Especially for extended periods of time. Which is why I companies and the government need to figure this out. Because yes maternity leave should definitely be available for all, but by not having a back up worker in place, it really does breed resentment. At one company I worked at it meant no one could take any vacation time off during the three months someone was out (we had a rule only one person could take a day off per team) and her leave fell during the summer. You can image the resentment that caused.

I think we need to start having a broader conversation about solutions to maternity leave and I'm not sure that cost should fall on the employer. I feel like this should be a broader program paid for by the government. The thing that sucks is I'm sure we would have plenty of money to do this if the government didn't waste so damn much money on other things.

I really like the Canadian policy of 1 year of sick leave. That is enough time to invest in a temp and give them the chance to actually learn the ropes. It would also give the mom the time she needs with the baby to feel good about coming back to work, AND it could be good for our economy in creating more jobs that give people employable experience.

[shauniemae]

Good luck with the interview, sweetchix.

I am at about a loss with myself...I'm not sure why I do the things I do and who I am. I don't know why life isn't fulfilling to me and why I tend to push away what's good for me. Why do I make myself unlovable?

I have been in a flux of emotion, figuring things out, trying to make my relationship work and it feels like I can do nothing right. I have an appointment to restart therapy next week...I just wish I could flush all this out, make life right, and be fucking happy. Instead, I've possibly damaged my relationship beyond repair, have lost most of my friends, and keep distancing myself from my family.

Sorry to be such a debbie downer. I'm at a loss and just need a do-over on life.

[doriswe]

((shauniemae))

[jenstar]

May 2, 2016 17:17:00 GMT -5 shauniemae said:

Good luck with the interview, sweetchix .

I am at about a loss with myself...I'm not sure why I do the things I do and who I am. I don't know why life isn't fulfilling to me and why I tend to push away what's good for me. Why do I make myself unlovable?

I have been in a flux of emotion, figuring things out, trying to make my relationship work and it feels like I can do nothing right. I have an appointment to restart therapy next week...I just wish I could flush all this out, make life right, and be fucking happy. Instead, I've possibly damaged my relationship beyond repair, have lost most of my friends, and keep distancing myself from my family.

Sorry to be such a debbie downer. I'm at a loss and just need a do-over on life.

Hugs shauniemae, this is such a shit part of the journey, but I think in the long run you will be able to see that it was a worthwhile part. I know for me at least, the hardest times are the ones that spur the most growth and while it hurts at the time, the outcome is actually not bad. I hope you can find some clarity with the therapy, I think that's probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now xx

[Deleted]

@gracie6415 I actually think it is fair to be angry if I work extra hours for people out on maternity leave. This isn't a once for six weeks thing. It's ongoing in larger companies. I don't blame the parent but I blame the system. We have to find a backfill. Otherwise why should I work 2 extra hours a day for 70% of my year because someone chose to have a child? I should get paid more or the company should have the resources to backfill

[alleinesein]

May 2, 2016 9:36:04 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

My big issue with maternity leave is that our country just goes about it all wrong. There aren't resources to hire temps so as a single person I end up picking up a lot of the work for people going out on maternity leave and frankly that isn't fair. I won't ever be having children so this isn't like sick time where you pick up the slack some times and then others pick up the slack for you. Overall I really wish would the government would step in and either pay for temporary workers or pay for maternity leave and in turn require employers to hire someone to take the place of the person taking maternity leave. But overall meternity is totally not a relevant argument to maternity and a whole other situation. But I will say in my jobs (and I know this isn't the norms for most) working parents got a lot of advantages and the single people were expected to pick up the slack. That has to stop because it does breed resentment.

I've experienced this along with the sense of entitlement that some new moms have when they return to work (I only say moms because I haven't worked with a new dad who has pulled the same shenanigans).  I've been in the unfortunate position of having to work in industries that are open 365 days a year with virtually no holidays and no real weekends.  The new mom that I had the displeasure of working with felt that I should work every holiday because I wasn't a parent.  Same person threw a fit when I requested Mother's Day off because I wanted to take my mom out to dinner (it was the first time I had requested mothers day off in 6 years); in her eyes she was the only mother in the department and therefore she was supposed to get the day off.  Same coirker threw a hissy fit when she had to work the weekend that I got married because 'new moms' shouldn't have to work closing shifts on the weekends and it was going to interfere with taking her 6 month old to Disneyland to go trick or treating.  Her attitude got old really fast and she alienated most of our department; it also didn't help that she kept calling out sick (b/c the baby is sick) for shifts that she didn't want to work.  We know that the baby isn't sick when you call out sick and then post to FB that you are at Disneyland.

My last job used to have a few 'perks' that benefited parents and when they took one of them away you would have thought that the world was going to end.  They used to have a fairly lenient work start time policy so you could pick one of four times to start work; it benefited everyone because it allowed people to work hours that would give them a shorter commute and it helped people with kids who had to do school drop off/pick up.  When they switched to set shifts all of the parents went berserk.  There were many parents who used the "its not fair, I have kids to take to school" card. 

What I have found that breeds resentment (aside from the whole entitlement attitude) is management who caters to parents and plays favorites with them.  They need to enforce all policies equally and stop making exceptions b/c someone has kids.  

[itsmyparty]

May 2, 2016 13:49:15 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

brooke77 and @lemonlover those extended periods were my experience as well. I realize that no, not everything is going to be fair in life. But, because someone chose to have a child, I don't think more burden should be put on me because I decided not to. Especially for extended periods of time. Which is why I companies and the government need to figure this out. Because yes maternity leave should definitely be available for all, but by not having a back up worker in place, it really does breed resentment. At one company I worked at it meant no one could take any vacation time off during the three months someone was out (we had a rule only one person could take a day off per team) and her leave fell during the summer. You can image the resentment that caused.

I think we need to start having a broader conversation about solutions to maternity leave and I'm not sure that cost should fall on the employer. I feel like this should be a broader program paid for by the government. The thing that sucks is I'm sure we would have plenty of money to do this if the government didn't waste so damn much money on other things.

I really like the Canadian policy of 1 year of sick leave. That is enough time to invest in a temp and give them the chance to actually learn the ropes. It would also give the mom the time she needs with the baby to feel good about coming back to work, AND it could be good for our economy in creating more jobs that give people employable experience.

Ditto all of this. I work in a field very driven by women (PR) and I've had to suffer with short-staffed teams at multiple points in my career, and it's almost always for a full 4 months. And sometimes they don't come back. The company never hires anyone to take the new moms' spots, because it's either work that's not appropriate for a temp (client management is more of a permanent role) or because it's too short of a period to hire someone permanently. 

It doesn't stop once the mom returns to work, either. I've had to put in many extra hours - or even travel unexpectedly - due to sick kids, parent-teacher conferences, daycare pick-up, soccer practice, etc. Yet somehow my own life excuses - happy hour with friends I haven't seen in months, hair appointment, doctor appointment, class at the gym, etc. are viewed as frivolous? At some point I guess we just have to put our foot down and demand the right to our own time, but it sure does get hard having to defend our excuses when parents don't have to defend theirs. I am just speaking from my own experience in my jobs/industry.

I am completely for maternity leave, universal health care and a bunch of other very European things. But in Europe they do not work the kind of unhealthy lifestyle we do in the U.S. I used to work for a French company, and it really pissed us off when we compared our French peers' PTO and work policies compared to ours.