Stupid Dating Mistakes

[Deleted]

What have been some of your blatant (but perhaps blinded by love/need/want) dating mistakes?


I turned down a job transfer/promotion at 6 months of dating a boyfriend. I don't do long distance well. We broke up a year after that... because I was 3 months into a long distance for a temp 6 months (that turned into two years after we broke up). He was apparently not over his ex-girlfriend. gah.

[greysgirl]

Stayed with the wrong guy for too long because I was in love with him. Sometimes love isn't enough!

[TR]

lol how much time do you have?

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 13:48:25 GMT -5 TR said:

lol how much time do you have?

Oh, this was awhile ago. I think I turned the job down in early 2013. In Oct 2013, I started the hardship assignment for an initial 6 months. After we broke up I just said "eff  you" and kept extending. We took a trip 3 months into my hardship tour and I really honestly thought he was proposing. Nope. We broke up two weeks after the trip. I live in socal now. ::cries::

[TR]

May 4, 2016 13:54:18 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

May 4, 2016 13:48:25 GMT -5 TR said:

lol how much time do you have?

Oh, this was awhile ago. I think I turned the job down in early 2013. In Oct 2013, I started the hardship assignment for an initial 6 months. After we broke up I just said "eff  you" and kept extending. We took a trip 3 months into my hardship tour and I really honestly thought he was proposing. Nope. We broke up two weeks after the trip. I live in socal now. ::cries::

I meant like, how much time do you have to listen to the myraid mistakes I've made in this vein.

[Deleted]

May 4, 2016 13:59:10 GMT -5 TR said:

May 4, 2016 13:54:18 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

Oh, this was awhile ago. I think I turned the job down in early 2013. In Oct 2013, I started the hardship assignment for an initial 6 months. After we broke up I just said "eff  you" and kept extending. We took a trip 3 months into my hardship tour and I really honestly thought he was proposing. Nope. We broke up two weeks after the trip. I live in socal now. ::cries::

I meant like, how much time do you have to listen to the myraid mistakes I've made in this vein.

bahahaha I gave up caffeine. I'm not normally that stupid.


ALLL DAY FOR YOU.

[Deleted]

If we cut out all of the young/dumb/fun phases, my mistakes have boiled down to these components:
1. Not staying true to me, what I want, what I need;
2. Progressing b/c it's the next step, not b/c it's the right thing (see also: staying too long); and
3. Ignoring my gut.

[FormerlyRR]

May 4, 2016 14:27:11 GMT -5 mp said:

Yes to ditto above - ignoring my gut.

Also, when I was first dating I did a lot of "well I SHOULD be ok with this even though I am not..." like, in terms of wanting a relationship. SURE I AM OK THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH OTHER PEOPLE YA SURE OK.When I wasn't. I used to feel needy saying I needed exclusivity for sex. Now I'm like meh - no sex for you unless you're into me, yo.

Yep. So much this. 

[jigsy]

I have pretty limited experience. But so far, I think something that has caused me more stress than it should is listening to what other people think about my relationship. I SHOULD be doing this or that because its been so and so months or whatever. I think when I am going with my gut, I am happy, but when I let opinions start to cloud my judgement, I get anxious about things I shouldn't be worried about.

[jojoandleo]

I only applied to one college because of my HSBF. DUMB!

Other than that:

1-ignoring my gut.

2-ignoring the things people told me. My BFF HATED XFI. HATED HIM. And I just thought it was because they worked together and he was strict at work. Even though she said he was a douche and shady. Ugh. I should have listened. Sometimes when you are in the middle and have FEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS, you don't see what people on the outside without feelings see.

3-Ignoring my own needs. XFI claimed he was "private" and that was why he wouldn't put "in a relationship" on FB, or introduce me as his GF. Which, the first thing seems trivial, but it mattered to ME. I needed the security of him claiming me in public. BUT, I let his fake "privacy" concerns trump my own. No sir. Never again.

Silly stupid dating stories:

I had this HUGE crush on a bartender and I would go there practically EVERY NIGHT in hopes of seeing him. Like, would turn around and leave if he wasn't there. It was SOOOOOOOOO obvious.

I pretended to be "one of the guys" with these TERRIBLE car finance guys. They were SOOOOOOOOOO HOT! And I liked one of their friends! So I played along like their dirty jokes were funny, and like I was fine with the fact they ALLLLL fucking cheated. Shock of all shocks when I dated the friend and he turned out to be married and not separated like he claimed.

[cuddlyevil]

1. Ignoring my gut

2. Hiding parts of who I am because it didn't seem like the guy approved of them.

3. Holding on to something that was failing for too long.

[sweetchix]

Forcing myself to be ok with being treated like an option because I hoped he would change. He didn't.

[Queen Mamadala]

Ignoring my gut. The end of my first marriage was open, which when thinking about it, I knew it was likely a precursor to separation. In any case, while I had fun exploring the dating scene and all that jazz, there were times, specifically one time, where I ignored my gut. I dated a man who claimed he was separated, and I believed him at first, but then I caught him in a lie, which made my spidey-sense tingle. His stories weren't adding up. There were holes in the things he'd say. He knew my marriage was open. My exH had a profile on OKC that I hyper-linked in mine. Full disclosure. But yeah, he deflected, gaslighted me and made me question myself, as if I was wrong to have these reservations and ask him pointed questions. He continued his story for the 9+ months we were together, and even after we broke up and I was in another relationship. Then we reconnected after some time and talked about rekindling things. He moved to a new state for work and he was in a better place. Then he ghosted on me. Just poof! gone. So... yeah, maybe he was never really separated or they decided to work it out. He kept saying they'd talk about being separated, but together on "paper" for their daughter and for financial reasons. 

And like mp , I told myself that I was cool with casual dating in that I could date someone without exclusivity. I thought I was cool with it, especially being in an open marriage, but deep down, I knew that if I had a real connection with someone I'd want exclusivity. The men I ended up more serious with were on the same page, but there were a lot, especially <35 crowd, that were more interested in casual dating.

[Mrs.Rad888]

With XH, it was taking the next step because I thought it was the default, rather than because I actually wanted to. He asked me to marry him a bunch of times, and I'd always deflect, saying something like "Sorry, my social calendar is all full up for the week!" I should have kept on deflecting. I did a lot of ignoring my gut with him.

[LoveBug]

May 4, 2016 14:14:30 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

If we cut out all of the young/dumb/fun phases, my mistakes have boiled down to these components:
1. Not staying true to me, what I want, what I need;
2. Progressing b/c it's the next step, not b/c it's the right thing (see also: staying too long); and
3. Ignoring my gut.

This was always me to a T.

[jenstar]

I think my biggest problem has been paying more attention to words than actual behavior. Both in my marriage and then a guy I had a thing with last year. I also got stuck on how great things were at the start and made decisions off of that rather than basing on the current situation.

Sadly, both of them were more interested in me for what I could do for them rather than who I was. But I think it took the second one to really hammer it home and I am so much more conscious of it now.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Staying in a relationship bc you always turn tail and run at the first sign of conflict ... the one time I should have SPRINTED the other direction, I stayed setting myself up for nearly 12 years of verbal abuse

Not being honest w myself/ignoring my gut

[itsmyparty]

May 4, 2016 14:58:47 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I have pretty limited experience. But so far, I think something that has caused me more stress than it should is listening to what other people think about my relationship. I SHOULD be doing this or that because its been so and so months or whatever. I think when I am going with my gut, I am happy, but when I let opinions start to cloud my judgement, I get anxious about things I shouldn't be worried about.

And I'd say one of my few dating "mistakes" I've made more than once in the past was ignoring criticisms of boyfriends/guys from my friends and family. Including with my husband. In the future I will listen to them - they know me, love me and want the best for me, and they sometimes see things I'm too blind to see.

[Deleted]

Thinking just good sex = something meaningful.

[brooke77]

Not realizing that a relationship needs more than love. I stayed in relationships that weren't working for way too long just because I loved the person. I don't need to be in a relationship with everyone I love!

Moving in together because it makes sense financially.

Not following my gut. Giving people second chances because I feel bad.

[dreamcrisp1]

Ignoring the red flags.
My last ex, there were so many and I was so dumb.

For example, when we first started seeing each other, he asked when I was free for the week. My grandma had just passed away but he didn't know that so I just said I wasn't free much this week burnt would be later on. He immediately started questioning whether I was a party girl, etc. (And so what if I am??). But I should have known.

[jojoandleo]

May 4, 2016 22:39:53 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

May 4, 2016 14:58:47 GMT -5 jigsy said:

I have pretty limited experience. But so far, I think something that has caused me more stress than it should is listening to what other people think about my relationship. I SHOULD be doing this or that because its been so and so months or whatever. I think when I am going with my gut, I am happy, but when I let opinions start to cloud my judgement, I get anxious about things I shouldn't be worried about.

And I'd say one of my few dating "mistakes" I've made more than once in the past was ignoring criticisms of boyfriends/guys from my friends and family. Including with my husband. In the future I will listen to them - they know me, love me and want the best for me, and they sometimes see things I'm too blind to see.

This is my experience, too.  Not all criticism is equal, but when your friend tells you the guy your dating is shady, believe it.  If your friend just thinks he tells dad jokes and wears mom jeans, meh, whatever.

[doglove]

Ignoring my gut. It always knows!

[thedutchgirl]

Being into someone just because he was into me. In fact, in retrospect this was a huge problem in my marriage. I have realized that I am somewhat overly concerned about what others think of me and how they view me (codependency issues). I used to joke it was better to be the person who is loved more rather than the person who loves more. I don't necessarily think that's always wrong, but for me I've realized that it led me to believe I loved or liked someone just because he loved or liked me.

[Deleted]

May 5, 2016 20:56:02 GMT -5 thedutchgirl said:

Being into someone just because he was into me. In fact, in retrospect this was a huge problem in my marriage. I have realized that I am somewhat overly concerned about what others think of me and how they view me (codependency issues). I used to joke it was better to be the person who is loved more rather than the person who loves more. I don't necessarily think that's always wrong, but for me I've realized that it led me to believe I loved or liked someone just because he loved or liked me.

This was me right after my divorce. "You're into me? OKAY! LET"S DO THIS" and there was no thought as to if I was into THEM. 

And now I just want people to leave me alone. 

[stephreloaded]

I think I was more concerned about whether the guy liked me than what I thought about him. This stemmed from really low self esteem. I dated guys that were really really bad news.

I would also get all caught up in the way I felt but forgot to bring my brain for the ride. There were huge red flags that I just chose to ignore.