Behavior Issues at Preschool

[was5]

I guess this is mostly a vent but feel free to share your experiences or advice.

P and A are 3 (today as a matter of fact). Two days ago, P told me he kicked the assistant teacher on our ride home from preschool. I asked him why, and he said because he was mean. I asked if he meant to say because he was mad and he said yes, but couldn't say why he was mad.

Yesterday morning during drop off, the head teacher told H that P was hitting and kicking other kids and teachers. This is a new issue in addition to his ongoing rest time behavior problems. Not only won't he nap (which they are ok with) but he runs around the room and climbs on toys/furniture during rest time. The teacher said when they talk to him about kitting/kicking he just smiles and doesn't seem to get it.

P is much more outgoing and while A is more introverted. A had a really hard time adjusting to preschool and had a really hard time at drop off. P seemed to like preschool right away. Now that A's issue seems to be resolved, P has turned into a hellion.

Of course I blamed myself for P's behavior. I feel like I lose my temper a lot with them, much more so with older D when she was their age. I am quick to yell instead of explain things calmly. There are also times when P says that A has hit him, but since I didn't see it I am reluctant to put A in time out. I'm afraid that my behavior as well as lock of consequences for A hitting P (maybe) has led to P not understanding appropriate behavior.

While I agree that P's behavior is a problem and needs to stop, I also question how much the teachers intervene. When the issue was limited to the rest time behavior, I was a little frustrated with the daily reports. I guess I expect them to have tools to deal with that kind of behavior. It was presented in a way like H and I were supposed to do something about it, and I'm not sure what they expected us to do about him not sitting on his mat when we weren't there. We haven't even tried to get them to nap at home for 5 months. It just doesn't work.

I also think the assistant teacher is not firm (for lack of a better word) with the kids. Here's an example. We went to the zoo for a field trip last week. We kept telling A that he needed to hold someone's hand or ride in the wagon. He asked if he could hold Miss D's hand. I said it was up to her. She agreed but then she would let him let go of her hand and he'd wonder off the path (not far, I was watching him). I just wonder if she can't enforce an expectation to hold hands when she's 1-1 with a child, how does she manage a room full of kids.  She is very sweet and P seems to like her a lot. To be clear, kids could not go on the fieldtrip unless their parents were there. Most parents split off with their kids, but we ended up walking around with one other parent and her child plus the 2 teachers, so it's not like the teacher was responsible for a large group of kids at the zoo.

Last night I tried very hard to keep calm. I also made sure to interact more with all the kids, which is difficult since H works evenings and I still have an hour of work left to do after I pick the kids up, plus make dinner, clean up the kitchen, etc. P can be very frustrating. He does smile sometimes when he is told not to do something. Since they were about 1 1/2, P seems to be more intentionally mischievous (he will look to see if anyone is watching him and make a game of it) while A seems to forget he's not supposed to do something and will stop if he's called out on it. 

I do wonder if this is normal 3 year old behavior? Is it more common for kids to be aggressive when they have sibs they fight with. D was never physically aggressive with kids or teachers, but she was an only until she was 5 1/2 so she never got in fights over toys, tv shows, etc at home either. The way it's presented to us, it is not normal and P is the only kid doing it. The other kids have even started to tell me that P was bad when I pick them up.

[fryjack2]

Hugs was5. This twins gig is so tough. I always feel guilty that I can't calmly explain situations or address behavior the way I would if I had one child. Its just not possible when another kid is hanging on you or also needs redirection or they both are feeding off each other.

Can you meet with the teachers to talk about a plan for behavior? So that you are all on the same page about how you respond to hitting, etc.

I have found that my boys are "crazier" when I haven't paid attention to them in awhile-like I was doing laundry and then vacuuming, then trying to make dinner. I've found it helps a bit if I just stop ( easier said than done) and spend a half hour interacting completely with them. Do a puzzle, paint, play a game. It seems to help even if its still chaotic.

My boys just turned 4 three weeks ago. They have a couple younger kids (turned 3 in November) in their preschool class who can be a handful with behaviors you mention. I don't hear as much about them now as i did early in the school year, so hopefully a little time and maturity will help.

People always suggest sticker charts, but that didn't do much for my boys. They needed the positive reinforcement at the time of the action. Maybe that can be part of your plan with daycare. A sticker or star for doing XYZ. Make a big deal out of him getting them. If he doesn't, say that you are disappointed, but he has another chance the next day. Don't make it a huge deal. Make a bigger deal out of the positive behavior. He may be liking all the attention the negative behavior is getting him. I know my boys would do things on purpose because it got a reaction from me. At the end of the week, if he has 5 days of X number of stickers, he gets Y.

You are doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up.

[was5]

May 11, 2016 20:36:54 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Hugs was5 . This twins gig is so tough. I always feel guilty that I can't calmly explain situations or address behavior the way I would if I had one child. Its just not possible when another kid is hanging on you or also needs redirection or they both are feeding off each other.

Can you meet with the teachers to talk about a plan for behavior? So that you are all on the same page about how you respond to hitting, etc.

I have found that my boys are "crazier" when I haven't paid attention to them in awhile-like I was doing laundry and then vacuuming, then trying to make dinner. I've found it helps a bit if I just stop ( easier said than done) and spend a half hour interacting completely with them. Do a puzzle, paint, play a game. It seems to help even if its still chaotic.

My boys just turned 4 three weeks ago. They have a couple younger kids (turned 3 in November) in their preschool class who can be a handful with behaviors you mention. I don't hear as much about them now as i did early in the school year, so hopefully a little time and maturity will help.

People always suggest sticker charts, but that didn't do much for my boys. They needed the positive reinforcement at the time of the action. Maybe that can be part of your plan with daycare. A sticker or star for doing XYZ. Make a big deal out of him getting them. If he doesn't, say that you are disappointed, but he has another chance the next day. Don't make it a huge deal. Make a bigger deal out of the positive behavior. He may be liking all the attention the negative behavior is getting him. I know my boys would do things on purpose because it got a reaction from me. At the end of the week, if he has 5 days of X number of stickers, he gets Y.

You are doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up.

Thanks for the suggestions and making me feel better fryjack2.

My eyes were opened a bit when I went to the classroom to chaperone on field day. I know my boys' behavior needs continued work, but I saw other kids doing the same things I was told my kids do. I think the difference is that my boys are loud (especially P) and intentionally bring attention to themselves. I also don't think the lead teacher has the best classroom management skills. It took way too long to get 12 kids lined up to walk to the park. One of the children was screaming/crying the whole time and the other kids got bored and started to wander around the room while the teacher dealt with that kid.

The kicker was that one of the boys who always comes up to me at pickup to tell me that P wasn't following directions was one of the kids not doing what he was supposed to. He also did this weird thing where he "hit" P's knee with his forehead, then cried like P was kneeing him in the forehead. P just plays along.

Anyway, I asked the lead teacher if she was working over the summer and she said no. I'm kind of glad about that, and interested to see how they do with a different staff person in charge of their room.