We went to baby's first pediatrician appt today and they also have a lactation consultant see you as well. I've been having a terrible time with breastfeeding basically since we left the hospital and they confirmed that baby has lost a little too much weight, not enough wet/dirty diapers, milk hasn't come in yet, and she's rubbed my nipples raw using me as a pacifier. I cried all through the appt and I feel like I was starving her and I've failed. They said to try pumping but that she'd need mostly formula today, and to try breastfeeding only if I felt like it and that I needed to take it easy. I think I need a new mom pep talk.
Post by cabbagecabbage on May 12, 2016 12:29:15 GMT -5
You can go either way and you need to trust your mom gut because each baby is different. I was told I should suppliment on day 3 but I felt she was fine and she was and I didn't do it and she turned out great and chubby. If my heart had said I needed to add formula, I would have. If baby has enough wet diapers, your milk will come in and all will be ok. If you feel you need to offer some formula today, you can. If you feel you want to formula feed, you can. You are a good mom and your baby is going to be healthy and happy no matter what you choose.
Post by indianchica on May 12, 2016 12:29:17 GMT -5
I exclusively nursed my 1st born and for my 3rd I supplemented (heavily) with formula. I can tell you that it made me feel SO much better that I didn't have to rely on my body to feed my child. I was so stressed out about the whole thing with my 1st and I was able to think of feeding as a happy thing with my 3rd. If I had known earlier, I never would have punished myself by creating a *requirement* for nursing. Best of luck - you're doing great!!!!
I literally went through the exact same thing. I didn't make enough milk and I cried when the LC said he lost too much weight. We agreed to try formula and he chugged the bottle she gave us in the office. I felt awful because he was so hungry and that's why he hadn't been able to sleep, so he was waking more often than 2 hours and I was exhausted.
We did a combination, I would breastfeed for 15 minutes on each side and then formula. I was only producing about 2 oz of milk per day. I felt happy with this arrangement because he got the health/immunity benefits of BM but he got what he needed.
After 3 months I completely dried up, so he was a formula baby from then on and he's perfectly healthy. ((Hugs))
Post by thebreakfastclub on May 12, 2016 12:33:46 GMT -5
I have a 3yo who only ever got formula, so I am far removed from trying to breastfeed a newborn. To be fair, I only tried like 5 times.
What I would suggest is buying the 2oz ready to feed bottles at Target today, along with a few pacifiers. I would give one of those bottles and really just try to rest yourself, take a shower, and take a breath. Try a pacifier too.
Then you can think about how you want to go forward. But the baby will be fed and hopefully a weight will be lifted.
Post by underwaterrhymes on May 12, 2016 12:37:23 GMT -5
Feeding the baby is what matters.
Also, I've breastfed my toddler for more than three years, as well as my 9 month old and both have caught so many fucking illnesses and have even wound up hospitalized on several occasions.
So it's not like breastfeeding is some magical, curative power your baby will be missing out on.
I started out trying to EBF. He lost too much from his birth weight and was jaundiced so we ended up in the NICU the day after we were released from the hospital. I supplemented until my milk came in, and then was able to switch to EBF. We made it to 8 months and now I'm back to using a combo. It doesn't matter how you do it, just make it as easy as possible on yourself.
Are you feeding your baby? That's all that matters! I don't care how you feed your baby, as long as your baby is well fed.
Also, "nipple confusion"' is BS. This is about survival, YOURS is just as important as the baby's. Feed your baby formula to give yourself a mental break, and once you know she has a full tummy use a pacifier as a soothing tool. I PROMISE that your baby knows which nipple makes milk.
EBF is not a bill that you have to die on. It is okay to to use other tools and resources available to you, especially if it helps preserve your mental health.
I always remind myself too that when your kid is like 20, no one is going to care whether he got breast milk or formula. For real. It's so small in the scheme of things.
Post by sparkythelawyer on May 12, 2016 12:59:07 GMT -5
Rule number one is not breastfeed the baby. Rule number one is FEED the baby. However the baby needs to be fed. You are doing a FANTASTIC job. Hang in there.
Oh and if you want to exclusively FF, that is perfectly fine! Both of my kids are largely FF (E is exclusively FF), and they are healthy and happy and smart.
I'm sorry to derail from the thread, but when you say E is exclusively FF do you mean right away in the hospital? Did she get colostrum at first?
I'm curious about this because I really stressed out trying to BF my son for weeks and then life was 100% easier when we switched the formula. I'm interested in how immediate FF worked out for you. Did the nurses guilt you? I know our hospital is big on breast feeding.
I FF N from the beginning. I let the nurse know during my labor that we would be FF and that I wanted to be sure I got to do the first feeding. I was SO worried that they would be mean about it or pressure me. I even made a post here about it. She said ok and did not act like it was a problem at all. She even went and got a pacifier to have ready, because they don't allow them to have formula for at least 1 hour after they are born.
Post by sapphireblue on May 12, 2016 13:01:23 GMT -5
I didn't even read most of the replies.
I am so sorry! This strikes a chord with me because I delivered at a hospital that is VERY militant about breastfeeding. The nurses are not allowed to discuss formula at all.
I never produced enough milk. Roughly 10 days after he was born we started supplementing with formula. I still struggled with pumping and breastfeeding until he was about 3 months old but the stress was off once formula was on the table.
What a relief that was!
YES, getting nutrients into your baby is what counts. The whole breastfeeding pressure really pisses me off because new moms are already so emotional and vulnerable. Then they get this hard sell mindfuck about breastfeeding.
This is why I hate the "breast is best" phrase. It's great if it work for you but happy and healthy mom and baby are what's actually best
Lots of babies are adopted at birth, from surrogates and they are most likely ff. No one says people shouldn't adopt a baby. And the people I know who are adopted/never bf are all fine.
Also, I shared a hospital room with a woman who refused to ff, I could tell her baby was just hungry (and miserable), she was crying and stressed and I just wanted to tell her to give him a bottle and give both of them a break. It would probably work out better for both if she would put less pressure on herself and remove the stress of crying, hungry baby. I didn't but I just kept thinking, nothing was going to happen if she stayed stressed
Also, I shared a hospital room with a woman who refused to ff, I could tell her baby was just hungry (and miserable), she was crying and stressed and I just wanted to tell her to give him a bottle and give both of them a break. It would probably work out better for both if she would put less pressure on herself and remove the stress of crying, hungry baby. I didn't but I just kept thinking, nothing was going to happen if she stayed stressed
Omg I would have flipped the fuck out if someone gave me advice re: feeding my baby in the hospital. I am glad you didn't say anything. You really have no idea if formula would have been a better option.
No kidding. That's no more helpful than formula shaming. Breastfeeding is a delicate balance and takes days to establish. It's no one's job to judge a mom for feeding her child the way she chooses. EBF is not some fringe idea for women who starve their newborns.
Also, I shared a hospital room with a woman who refused to ff, I could tell her baby was just hungry (and miserable), she was crying and stressed and I just wanted to tell her to give him a bottle and give both of them a break. It would probably work out better for both if she would put less pressure on herself and remove the stress of crying, hungry baby. I didn't but I just kept thinking, nothing was going to happen if she stayed stressed
Omg I would have flipped the fuck out if someone gave me advice re: feeding my baby in the hospital. I am glad you didn't say anything. You really have no idea if formula would have been a better option.
Well thats why I didn't. Not my business and she had the nurses and lactation consultants. She didn't need anyone else there.
It just made me sad they were so stressed and she was anti formula. And the baby was hungry.
This is why I hate the "breast is best" phrase. It's great if it work for you but happy and healthy mom and baby are what's actually best
Lots of babies are adopted at birth, from surrogates and they are most likely ff. No one says people shouldn't adopt a baby. And the people I know who are adopted/never bf are all fine.
"Sometimes breastfeeding is fucking hard" definitely doesn't have the same ring to it.
OP, breastfeeding is one of those things that seems like the most important thing in the world while you're making your way through the first year but it's really just a tiny blip on the radar on your kid's life. Do what works. If that's FF, then great. We sacrifice a lot for our kids, but I fully believe in "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Oh and if you want to exclusively FF, that is perfectly fine! Both of my kids are largely FF (E is exclusively FF), and they are healthy and happy and smart.
I'm sorry to derail from the thread, but when you say E is exclusively FF do you mean right away in the hospital? Did she get colostrum at first?
I'm curious about this because I really stressed out trying to BF my son for weeks and then life was 100% easier when we switched the formula. I'm interested in how immediate FF worked out for you. Did the nurses guilt you? I know our hospital is big on breast feeding.
At my hospital you checked in as breast or bottle. I tried to BF the first night, no luck. They took him to the nursery overnight so I could rest, and I said they could give him a bottle. I tried the next day, no one could get him on the breast.
I decided the whole BF thing was ridiculous and we kept up the formula. Nobody hassled me. If I had a 2nd, I'd go 100% formula.
I FF N from the beginning. I let the nurse know during my labor that we would be FF and that I wanted to be sure I got to do the first feeding. I was SO worried that they would be mean about it or pressure me. I even made a post here about it. She said ok and did not act like it was a problem at all. She even went and got a pacifier to have ready, because they don't allow them to have formula for at least 1 hour after they are born.
I didn't realize this. Did she tell you why? Is it a medical thing or just a hospital policy?
I'm not sure. She mentioned letting his body get settled or something like that. I'm assuming it's a little different because with breast feeding they are not getting a ton of milk initially.
Hugs! I remember the feeling. The same thing happened to me at DS' first appointment. My milk hadn't come in and the doctor noticed that he was actually dehydrated, his top forehead was a bit sunken and his lips were dry. He had lost more than 10% of his weight. He was just so, so sleepy from jaundice too. The doctor told me I needed to give him formula right away. I felt terrible that it was like I had been starving him. I still can't bear looking at pictures of him from around that time.
I was sent to meet with a LC immediately after the appointment and she showed me how to hand express and told me to start pumping. My milk finally came in the next day (day 5) and it was a lot better. We still struggled with breastfeeding, had to use a nipple shield for 5 weeks.
It happens to the best of us, please do what you need to do. Happy mom and happy baby is all it matters, regardless of how the baby is fed! Your baby will be okay if he takes some formula. You can even do both too if you want to.
I have two perfectly healthy kids who were FF pretty much from birth due to latch issues. #1 left the hospital on formula, with #2 we lasted four days (during which time we were already supplementing b/c she'd dropped too much weight) before she was on formula exclusively.
"Breast is best" drives me nuts b/c IMO it's an incomplete statement. It takes into account nutritional content only and there is SO much more than that involved in having a happy, healthy child.
This might just be me, but my kids are 9 and 12 now and HOW they were fed as infants is meaningless. What matters is they were (and, of course, still are!) fed and loved and cared for. In the end that's what's important.
Well thats why I didn't. Not my business and she had the nurses and lactation consultants. She didn't need anyone else there.
It just made me sad they were so stressed and she was anti formula. And the baby was hungry.
I am just seriously am over moms judging other moms for shit like this. She was probably doing the best she could.
I wasn't judging.
I felt bad that she put so much pressure on herself.
That she felt it was all or nothing and if she used formula, that was it for bf'ing. And if she couldn't she had failed.
When that isn't the case at all.
I don't think any mom should cry because bf'ing doesn't work first try (or maybe at all). Or that you haven't "done your best" if you feed your baby some formula.
In the interest of full disclosure I formula fed all of my three right from the start. All of them were fed within an hour of being born, and our hospital was very no pressure on breast feeding. But they are 7, 5 and 4 so maybe things have changed.
Really it's just important that babies eat, and however you are able to get that done is fine.
Post by mom2twoboys on May 12, 2016 13:36:44 GMT -5
Don't feel bad. My first breastfeed like a champ and then my second wanted nothing to do with it. We ended up formula feeding him. They are both healthy very bonded with me boys. Feed your baby and don't feel guilty either way.
I will beat this drum forever, but breast is only "best" if it works best for all parties involved.
I only tried BFing a handful of times, and I pumped for like a week, and then made the jump to formula. I beat myself up about the switch for entirely too long, which was SO unnecessary looking back. It wasn't for us (mostly me - DD had a bad latch that I'm sure could have been worked with), and that's OK. If it's not for you, that's OK. For me, BFing was a huge, huge source of anxiety, and I decided my mental health needed to take precedence over the ideas I had in my head about baby feeding. DD thrived on formula, of course, and there was really no question it was the best choice for us.
I agree with the others about giving formula and pacifiers for now to give yourself a break, then reevaluating what you'd like to do. If you continue, great! If you don't, great! There's no shame in either decision.
I tried to BF a little while in the hospital but baby was getting dehydrated. The hospital LC was an ass hole and wouldn't work on a plan to combo feed (the nurse was beside herself).
As soon as we got home, we did some RTF samples and DS was so satisfied that I literally cried. I tried to BF a few more times, basically, whenever DS rooted for a breast, but we gave bottles. When my milk came in, I pumped and was about 50/50 for about 3 months, and then went 100%FF.