WDYT regarding pet? Help.

[ilovelamp]

I got my dog Hiya (the Alaskan Malamute in my siggy) when I was 11. She is now 13 years old and the best dog in the world. When I left home for the Navy in 2009, Hiya stayed behind with my mom. When I moved to VA Beach with DH my mom kept her then also. And now DH and I are out-of-state again.

My mom recently moved into my aunt's house (mom can't afford to rent anymore) who has a lot of pets already. Hiya couldn't go with her, so she went to live with my brother who lives 10 minutes away from my aunt. Recently Hiya has been fighting with my brother's dogs.

Long story short: my brother doesn't want to keep Hiya anymore, and my mom doesn't know what to do with her. As you might remember, DH and I are currently living with MIL. She has no problem letting Hiya move in with us, but I feel that is unfair. Also MIL has a cat and I don't know how Hiya would get alone with her. I was thinking of crating Hiya while nobody is home so that there would be no risk of her hurting the cat.

If I can't take Hiya, my mom might have to get rid of her. And a 13 year old dog wouldn't have much chance of getting a good home. Plus I can't even begin to imagine how confused she would be if they gave her away. :-(

WWYD? I don't want MIL to feel pressured to say yes (I feel bad that DH asked in the first place!). I don't want my dog to be given away. If we did take her, I'm not positive that we would have the finances to take care of her if something happened...I'm so stressed over this. Please help!

[Deleted]

I would try it out at your MIL's house. If it doesn't work, then at least you'll know you tried.

[ilovelamp]

Does anyone know how an older dog would react to being crated for a large portion of the day? She has always had free reign of the house.

[prettyinpink]

I'd take your MIL at her word. I would try and crate train her. Kongs filled with peanut butter are wonderful things for doggies who need distraction. I know this I have two OCD mini doxies and the minute the peanut butter comes out of the cabinet they know what is coming next!

[G22]

I'm with everyone else. Take MIL at her word and try it. Crate training is a good idea, if your unsure how she'd do with the cat. I'd do that before I even thought about giving up any of my pets, and I've not had them nearly as long.

[ilovelamp]

Thanks guys. Also- I just found out my mom hasn't given Hiya any heartworm medicine in months!! :@ One of my new conditions would be that she needs to get her checked for heartworm before I take her. Isn't this a fair request?

Ugh my mother drives me insane. She is also telling me I need to split the airfare cost. Are you kidding me? I am doing you a favor by taking her and you are TELLING me I need to split the cost?

[prettyinpink]

We just had Simon checked for heartworm last weekend. It was a $40 test at our vet clinic. He's now on Revolution which is a heartworm and flea preventative, so it kills two birds with one stone!

Is there a why you can drive out to meet her half way? That might be easier.

[NomadicMama]

If the financials are too much of a hardship for you and your mother (it sounds like neither of you are in the best of financial situations), you might need to consider a breed specific rescue organization.

I don't think that splitting the transportation costs is asking too much, especially since your mother has had to move in with her sister for financial reasons.

I'm sorry that this difficult situation has come up. I hope you are able to figure something out that works for Hiya.

[ilovelamp]

I guess I am just angry at her for springing this on me with such short notice. She does this kind of shit. Asks for help when it gets too late instead of planning. Thanks for telling me I was being unreasonable, I will offer to pay some.

[brandienee]

Sept 3, 2012 15:45:00 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

Thanks guys. Also- I just found out my mom hasn't given Hiya any heartworm medicine in months!! One of my new conditions would be that she needs to get her checked for heartworm before I take her. Isn't this a fair request?

Ugh my mother drives me insane. She is also telling me I need to split the airfare cost. Are you kidding me? I am doing you a favor by taking her and you are TELLING me I need to split the cost?

I think that your mother is being generous by paying half to get your dog to you.

[verycontrary247]

You are doing her a favor by taking your dog, who has been taking care of for you? And you expect your mother, who is going through financial hardships, to pay for the airfare? Are you kidding me?

[pennylane]

If you consider it your dog, then it's your financial responsibility. If you can't afford to transport or take care of the animal, then find a rescue.

[ilovelamp]

She wouldn't let me take Hiya in the past (I wanted her in VA but my mom wanted to keep her), only now when she can't afford her anymore.

[suertesiete]

Aren't you the poster who lives with her MIL rent-free, or at least close to it? You sound like an entitled brat. The fact that you even question letting your senior dog die in a shelter versus ponying up HALF the airfare suggests perhaps you're not cut out for the responsibility of caring for a living creature. Good riddance.

[verycontrary247]

Sept 3, 2012 17:33:58 GMT -5 suertesiete said:

Aren't you the poster who lives with her MIL rent-free, or at least close to it? You sound like an entitled brat. The fact that you even question letting your senior dog die in a shelter versus ponying up HALF the airfare suggests perhaps you're not cut out for the responsibility of caring for a living creature. Good riddance.

This.

[ilovelamp]

I'm sorry you feel that way about me. And I didn't know we weren't allowed to vent here anymore about out stressors.

I wasn't sure what to do not because I wouldn't half the cost, but because I don't want my dog living in a cage for the rest of her life. Obviously I am going to do whatever I can to get her out here and never once did I say I would let her go to a shelter.

[ilovelamp]

And I didn't want to put my MIL in a situation with a pet she didn't want. But you are right, that makes me entitled.

[ilovelamp]

Sept 3, 2012 17:33:58 GMT -5 suertesiete said:

Aren't you the poster who lives with her MIL rent-free, or at least close to it? You sound like an entitled brat. The fact that you even question letting your senior dog die in a shelter versus ponying up HALF the airfare suggests perhaps you're not cut out for the responsibility of caring for a living creature. Good riddance.

And thanks for pointing out the fact that we are struggling financially to the point of having to live with family. Does it make you feel good to belittle people?

[Jam]

Without question, MY DOG would be priority. Especially if I were living somewhere rent free. The fact that you are upset your mom is asking you to pay half the airfare is just...wow. How old are you? :/ Nevermind, I don't want to know.

Sorry but you sound like an entitled asshole. This post makes me angry so I'm going to walk away now. Pardon my language.

[amaristella]

Just try to see this is finally getting the opportunity to get your dog back. Even if you have to shell out $$ and even if you have to teach an old dog new tricks. When I first heard about crating dogs I thought it sounded terrible but then I learned that once the dogs learns to see the crate as a happy place it's really not so bad.

[ilovelamp]

Sept 3, 2012 16:29:21 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

I guess I am just angry at her for springing this on me with such short notice. She does this kind of shit. Asks for help when it gets too late instead of planning. Thanks for telling me I was being unreasonable, I will offer to pay some.

I clearly stated that I was being unreasonable and I would help her pay some.

Rereading the quote about me being angry with my mom asking for money, I can see how that sounded bad. Obviously this isn't just about the dog, but my mom and I have some unresolved issues that I won't go into here. I would never let my dog be given away, I just wanted to get some input from everyone on all aspects of the situation. Thanks for giving me honest opinions.

[ilovelamp]

Sept 3, 2012 19:01:30 GMT -5 amaristella said:

Just try to see this is finally getting the opportunity to get your dog back. Even if you have to shell out $$ and even if you have to teach an old dog new tricks. When I first heard about crating dogs I thought it sounded terrible but then I learned that once the dogs learns to see the crate as a happy place it's really not so bad.

I like the bolded, thanks.

[ilovelamp]

Sept 3, 2012 19:06:35 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

Sept 3, 2012 18:26:46 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

And thanks for pointing out the fact that we are struggling financially to the point of having to live with family. Does it make you feel good to belittle people?

...like your mom?

Technically, yeah. But like I said there are tons of issues with my mom that I won't get into.

[G22]

Crating isn't an awful thing, and like Stan said, it takes time sometimes, but dogs can learn to be crated at any age. And if you feel she'll be crated often, make sure she gets exercise in some form. (Etc walking, fetch, whatever she enjoys).

Honestly, I think the reason people are getting snappy with you is that you asked for our opinions. We gave them and some options for you. But you have a ton of what sounds like excuses. I understand its stressful situation, but the fact that your MIL is willing to take in your dog should take some of that stress away. Now the ball is in your court and you have to make a decision.

[meltoine]

Have you been paying for the food, vet bills, heart worm meds, flea and tick prevention, etc. for YOUR dog all this time while your mom has been taking care of her?

When the possibility arose that we might be stationed in Germany and have to leave our pitbull behind, we were going to bring him to BIL, but the agreement included us paying for all the dog's expenses, including kenneling when BIL travels for work.

I'm guessing you have not been paying these things, which makes it even more ludicrous that you would consider it unfair for your mom to ask you to pay only half the airfare. I would gladly pay the entire airfare and still feel indebted to your mom if I were you.

[ilovelamp]

I can handle being flamed for the finances part. Hell, after rereading what I wrote complaining about the flight money, I admit that I sounded bitchy. I realized that I was wrong & said I should pay.

But I DO care 110% about what happens to my dog and it hurt for people to say I have no compassion for my pet, I shouldn't care for a living thing, etc. I love my dog and just wanted to clear that up. I'll get my big girl panties back on in a few minutes.

And I will probably DD tomorrow (not because the flames btw). Thanks for the advice everyone.

[NomadicMama]

Why are you going to DD? Nobody has shared private information about you. If you don't want "your personal life" discussed on a message board, don't share details. People took time to respond to you.

I'm glad that you are seeing that your earlier statements in is thread were written in a way that made it seem as though you were being put out.

I hope that you are able to work out a way to get your dog to you. Keep in mind that shipping a dog can get expensive. You might want to look into flying home and then having the dog fly as part of your "luggage"--it might be less expensive than straight cargo.

[Deleted]

Also, this wasn't a vent this was a WWYD as stated in your OP. I think that's why you got so much constructive feedback. This will not be as a big deal as you are making it after you get your dog. Also, can you just lock your dog up in your bedroom instead of a crate? If it usually is free and isn't destructive then I don't see why you must crate train. I leave my pups out in my room to chill on short outings. We're working up our trust to being free roam from crated.

[ilovelamp]

I am deciding between just getting some baby gates and keeping her locked in our bedroom, or crating. She's not destructive or anything, I just really want to make sure the cat is safe. I asked for opinions, and I'm glad people were honest.

[beachy]

Sept 4, 2012 12:32:40 GMT -5 ilovelamp said:

I am deciding between just getting some baby gates and keeping her locked in our bedroom, or crating. She's not destructive or anything, I just really want to make sure the cat is safe. I asked for opinions, and I'm glad people were honest.

Couldn't the cat just jump the baby gates though? I would close the door to confine either the dog or the cat if you're that worried.