No advice, just hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't know that you should have to wait until next week to see your doctor though. Surely someone can fit you in tomorrow or Friday?
Post by cinnamoncox0 on May 18, 2016 19:45:42 GMT -5
No. I'm very sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Is dh home? Please talk to him. Tell him what you wrote. Neither of them are better off without you. They love you a great deal, and they need you with them. Please talk to him. ((Hugs))
No advice, just hugs. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't know that you should have to wait until next week to see your doctor though. Surely someone can fit you in tomorrow or Friday?
She probably could, but I'm dragging my feet about asking. I'm tired of being there. I'm tired of messing with meds and stuff. I'm like a toddler having a tantrum about bedtime.
No. I'm very sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Is dh home? Please talk to him. Tell him what you wrote. Neither of them are better off without you. They love you a great deal, and they need you with them. Please talk to him. ((Hugs))
He's not. He knows I'm depressed, but he's so awkward talking about it. He's just always at a loss because he's never been around someone depressed.
I have felt (and sometimes still feel) exactly like you feel right now. Anti-depressants have helped me a lot, and my therapist is helping me so much right now. I just want to encourage you to see someone as soon as you can. I know that these feelings feel normal to you because you've felt them for so long, but I promise you they're not normal.
Post by spedrunner on May 18, 2016 19:54:37 GMT -5
xoxoxox
I can totally relate. Seeing you write this , makes me feel a bit clearer as to what I am experiencing. The tiredness of everthing, the exhaustion of "fighting".........its depression. I think you are in deep. Its a dark dark, sad, hopeless place. I know you can get out of it...I don't have any answer how, but just remember and focus on those small, happy moments
I'm so sorry that you are struggling. Finding someone you can talk to can do wonders for your outlook. I hope you find the strength to keep going; your family would NOT be better off without you. Big hugs.
Post by tellmesomethingood on May 18, 2016 20:00:25 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. I did talk to my best friend a couple weeks ago, but then she started on this "you're so strong". I hate hearing that. I'm not strong, and whenever I hear that, it makes me feel guilty for some reason.
I am so very sorry you are in pain. I am struggling with depression right now and I cannot even imagine dealing with a chronic pain condition. Does a pain management dr help with your condition? My mom has a chronic pain condition as well (degenerative disc disease and spinal stenosis) and she had a major depressive spell early in her diagnosis. Finding the right pain solution along with ads were very helpful for her.
I'm sorry you're struggling. Please talk to someone. A friend, your husband. PM me and you can talk to me. You're worth it and your daughter needs her mom. You can do this.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by lovelovelove on May 18, 2016 20:23:37 GMT -5
First, it's so important that you posted this. That's a great step since you haven't been able to do that anywhere else yet. I'm so glad you did this.
Second, I'm going to recommend finding a psychiatric practice with many therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists. Call tomorrow and ask for an emergency appointment or if they can't get you have them tell you what your next step should be. The reason for this is you can bounce around the practice for finding a good fit in therapy and your file can be shared directly between therapist and psychiatrist, saving time and stress.
Third, cognitive behavior therapy is amazing. That with the right med combo/adjustments has been life changing for me.
Which brings me to my 4th thought: it can take loooong time to find the right meds and combo. Sometimes you need a quick fix to get you in an ok place to have a good talk with the dr so they can recommend other things, adjust doses, etc. When I was in the throws of it, I was seeing my therapist at least weekly and psychiatrist every few weeks. And it's taken 3 years for me to finally feel "ok".
I'm so sorry you're struggling. It is an exhausting place to be.
Post by wanderlustmom on May 18, 2016 20:38:21 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Even if you don't fully believe it now--it will get better, your family needs you and dealing with depression is extremely hard. I had it severely in high school. Call a hotline, try another therapist, have a med review. Just never give up. We are here for you.
I am very sorry and I think you should speak to someone as soon as you can. I just want to say that my mom has been depressed her whole life but I still love her more than anything, she's my best friend, and I couldn't imagine my life with out her. I'm sure your daughter will eventually understand your depression. But please get more help, for her sake as well as yours.
Post by MarmeeNoir on May 18, 2016 20:43:22 GMT -5
I could have written most of this post quite a few times in my life. Talking helps me so much. I've also done inpatient and intensive outpatient both of which I've found extremely helpful.
I'm so sorry. You don't always have to be strong, sometimes you just can't be. It sounds like you could really use some extra support right now. Talk to your DH, I'm sure he'd do anything to help you. Big hugs.
Please be strong. Your family needs you. They are NOT better off without you. I urge you to speak to someone ASAP--your H, your therapist, the suicide hotline--they can be very helpful even if you are having some thoughts/fantasies and not considering any action. 1 (800) 273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
They are there to help. We are here too. Big hugs. ETA: please don't feel embarrassed about this or afraid to seek extra help.
Post by peachykate on May 18, 2016 21:19:12 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are struggling.
Talk to your DH, I was in a similar place last November. I have pain issues and anxiety, and it's never been something my H understood. When I got pregnant everything went out of control. I found myself standing in front of my knife set one night and called for him because I was so scared. He stepped up more than I ever thought possible and worked with my parents to get me the help I needed when I couldn't help myself. Talk to him, him and your daughter need you. He wouldn't want you to feel like this alone.
Have someone call around to find you a new therapist tomorrow. I ended up with someone who I have to pay oop and submit but she was literally a lifesaver in getting my meds right. Once things calm down is also suggest seeing someone else for pain management. There are so many things you can try.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. I felt this way when I was 20, like I just wanted the (emotional) pain to be over, even if I knew I probably couldn't carry out suicide. I wanted to get hit by a car, or fall off the walking bridge to campus. It was not a good time for me.
I don't know how you find that therapist or treatment that clicks, but I urge you to keep on trying. Your life is worth so much to your daughter and your husband, and many others. You don't know what the future holds as far as treatment for your arthritis; your pain management could get much better. Have you tried CBT? This has been suggested to me as treatment for a condition I have that has suddenly ratcheted up, just as a way of managing reactions to pain and controlling anxiety.
Post by chickadee77 on May 18, 2016 21:21:11 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're struggling - you have so much on your plate right now, and it sucks.
I've been in a similar mental state as far as just wanting someone else to do it for me - it's a terrible way to feel. Please find someone to talk to - it can be hard to find a therapist or doctor that you click with, but there's one out there. Keep trying, please.
And there's nothing wrong with letting your DD know that you're sad, in an age-appropriate way. Kids are funny, and she might already sense it - putting a name on it isn't a bad thing, in my opinion. Huge hugs to you - your family and friends love you and need you.
I'm glad that you posted this. It was a very brave thing to do.
Please make an emergency appointment. If you can't find the words, show them your post.
Your family does need you. Depression messes with your brain chemistry, and things can get better, once you find the right tools. And I know that you're tired, but please, hold on and talk to someone so they can give you the help you need to start feeling like yourself again.
You've gotten good advice. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you're in such a bad place, and that you matter. I have a chronic health issue and the link between chronic pain and depression is a very clear and strong one. You'll be in my thoughts. ❤
Hugs. I've been where you are and I just wanted to to say that you are important and loves. Your family needs you and wants you there. Please try to get an emergency appointment and ask for your meds to be adjusted. I actually received inpatient treatment at one point. It was scary at the time but it saved my life. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.