Something occurred to me about the Duggars

[Deleted]

I think their mother speaks to them and the girls just view it as their duty.

[sydney02]

It's bad enough that if one of these girls goes too far, she feels guilty like she's sinned against herself, Jesus and her future husband. But the whole "kissing dating goodbye" movement tells these girls that even dating is bad. Gee no pressure there. The guy you court better be the guy you marry.
Why do Fundies have this rosy image of the 1700 and 1800s? Things were not good back then. Marriages lasted because they stayed together no matter how miserable they were.
I'd want my hypothetical children to date as much as possible before getting married. How do you know what you want in a person if you've never even dated?

At a fundie wedding about 20 years ago, at the end of the night, the bride and groom came up to our table to say goodbye and then the groom leaned in and said, "We're going to have sex now!" with this shit eating grin on his face. The people at the table clapped. It was awkward.

[marynjoe]

I went to a wedding where the bride and groom kissed on the lips for the first time. They were Christian, but not extremeists by any means. Lots of fun, lots of dancing, your typical fun wedding reception. They weren't uptight or weird at all. Luckily, their first kiss was sweet and not gross.

[mamasaurus]

Sept 4, 2012 0:44:39 GMT -5 birdistheword said:

I am fascinated by this whole concept. Unrelated, but I can't stop thinking about that couple that had their first kiss on that show Virgin Diaries, and how horrifying it was.

This is exactly what I was thinking! Did you see the "update" episode, where they show how they kiss "so much better" now? They still look rather awkward, although no longer as if they are attacking each other's faces.

[mamasaurus]

Sept 4, 2012 10:24:22 GMT -5 @otterama said:

I think their mother speaks to them and the girls just view it as their duty.

Lie back and think of England!

[scotty]

It will spoil their innocence. Or something.

[vccake]

When Priscilla's husband does the 'band hand' during that song -- I was mesmerized. That is a gay, gay man.

[broc]

I feel horrible for the dudes, too. The girl can just lie there, but he has to maintain an erection and figure out how to put it in there a couple hours after he learned (how horrible he is at) kissing. It has to be psychological torture for everyone involved. Except for their parents who clearly did suuuuch a great jooob at keeping them 'pure'!

[cbwm1]

Sept 4, 2012 11:20:34 GMT -5 broc said:

I feel horrible for the dudes, too. The girl can just lie there, but he has to maintain an erection and figure out how to put it in there a couple hours after he learned (how horrible he is at) kissing. It has to be psychological torture for everyone involved. Except for their parents who clearly did suuuuch a great jooob at keeping them 'pure'!

They're probably so "excited" that maintaining isn't an issue. lol

[sydney02]

Sept 4, 2012 8:32:38 GMT -5 @griffster said:

Sept 4, 2012 6:09:51 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

This is the book on 'courting' that was big in my Southern Baptist youth group in high school. I read it and was like WTF. It kind of marked the beginning of me leaving the church.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Kissed_Dating_Goodbye

Yeah my parents wanted me to read this as well. Thank you but no. I think my mom about died when I moved in with DH before we were married. It was a travesty, ya'll!

I think this guy has some good points. He mentioned churches taking his book and making something legalistic about it and basically missing a lot of points. I saw that in my church. The rules were you don't date a person unless it was the type of person you'd want to marry. I remember thinking well how do I know who I want to marry if I don't date?
But of course to churches like mine "dating" meant screwing. A girls couldn't possibly date and just get to know different type of men and who you mesh with.
Also, even for adult women, a man still had to ask the father's permission to court AND if her dad didn't like the guy, he had the right to tell him he can't date his daughter. This happened with 20-21 year old women.
So while one part of me laughs at this, the other part of me is angry at the control and dominance over the women. And they are all too sheltered and ignorant to even know it's happening.

[catsarecute]

My best friend was in a "courting" relationship for a little bit during her senior year of high school. She is Christian but not that hard core about kissing and stuff. The guy was really nice but they wouldn't do anything, not even hold hands. It was very formal. She had to meet his parents and only then would they be able to hold hands.

She eventually ended it because not being able to kiss seemed crazy to her!

[sydney02]

Sept 4, 2012 11:24:27 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Yeah, I doubt the guys have any problem maintaining an erection. And it's not like they have to have good technique, since the girls don't know any better.

Exactly. I'm thinking getting the erection is not the problem. Keeping it for more than 10 seconds probably is.

When we got to this topic in our church group, back when I was a teen, they said to the girls, don't worry about having sex on your wedding night. You are going to be tired and overwhelmed. Put it off a couple of days and just get to know each other (ie:go to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base). Can you imagine being married a few days and still being a virgin?


ETA Jwritergirl, funny we were typing at the same time. I just can't imagine that. Being married 2 weeks and still a virgin, no idea what my husband is like in bed.
But then I can't imagine getting my first kiss in front of 200 of my family and friends in church and having sex for the first time in the same day.

[Kore]

Sept 4, 2012 11:13:52 GMT -5 mamasaurus said:

Sept 4, 2012 0:44:39 GMT -5 birdistheword said:

I am fascinated by this whole concept. Unrelated, but I can't stop thinking about that couple that had their first kiss on that show Virgin Diaries, and how horrifying it was.

This is exactly what I was thinking! Did you see the "update" episode, where they show how they kiss "so much better" now? They still look rather awkward, although no longer as if they are attacking each other's faces.

Holy shit. For some reason, I never watched that video because I assumed it couldn't be *that* bad. I finally watched, and involuntarily said, "Ewww." That was the grossest kiss ever.

[scotty]

Remaining a virgin is one thing. I get it. But, never kissing. IDK. You can't even taste the ice cream? That's risky!

[pantsparty]

That kiss makes me laugh-cry. I think maybe he studied some movie kisses beforehand. Then he got really nervous and just went to town. LOL.

[mamasaurus]

Sept 4, 2012 11:33:19 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Sept 4, 2012 11:31:19 GMT -5 sydney02 said:

Exactly. I'm thinking getting the erection is not the problem. Keeping it for more than 10 seconds probably is.

When we got to this topic in our church group, back when I was a teen, they said to the girls, don't worry about having sex on your wedding night. You are going to be tired and overwhelmed. Put it off a couple of days and just get to know each other (ie:go to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base). Can you imagine being married a few days and still being a virgin?

Ohhhh right, I didn't think about that part. lol.

It must be so embarrassing if "your song" is a tv show theme song or a commercial jingle, because regular songs are too lengthy. Especially since the women probably don't know any better.

"Oh, honey! It was so much better tonight! You lasted all the way through 'Whatcha gonna do when they come for you!'"

I know, that's unrealistic. COPS airs on Sunday. There's no boning on the lord's day.

[marynjoe]

I forgot about another friend. He didn't believe in dating just for fun. He believed that when you met someone you thought you might marry, that's when you started dating. He asked her parent's permission and it was very clear that they would both remain virgins until their wedding day. They also beleive in "having as many kids as God wants to give us." They married a year and a half after meeting. No kids yet, doing great.

[kellbell191]

OMG THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

[girlfriday11]

Sept 4, 2012 0:44:39 GMT -5 birdistheword said:

I am fascinated by this whole concept. Unrelated, but I can't stop thinking about that couple that had their first kiss on that show Virgin Diaries, and how horrifying it was.

I went to HS with that girl. Bizzaro

[lemondrop]

Sept 4, 2012 11:24:27 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Yeah, I doubt the guys have any problem maintaining an erection. And it's not like they have to have good technique, since the girls don't know any better.

True. And it's not like it's going to last long anyway. It will probably be over within a few minutes. LOL

[birdistheword]

Sept 4, 2012 12:36:02 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

OMG THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

I feel like the dog in your sig is reacting to the video.

[Deleted]

They look like birds, feeding each other.

Gross.

[Deleted]

I feel like Fundie women probably do not have very many orgasms if any at all. Most women have to work for them and get some kind of outward stimulation and I cannot imagine any of those men actually taking the time to figure out their wives body, ya know? And I cannot inagine a woman who has never had a chance for her voice to be heard finally speking up in the bedroom...

[Deleted]

Sept 4, 2012 14:17:10 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I don't know, I think a lot of those conservative Christian boys are pretty considerate.

eta: I guess I don't know about Duggar fundies, just the non-denom CCs I went to church with who were also all about staying pure.

I agree about the conservative Christians. I was speaking more towards the Duggar fundies. I just don't see most of the men on that show giving their woman a good time in the sack. And in that case, I guess I don't really see the women giving the men a whole lotta pizzaz either!

[pantsparty]

Sept 4, 2012 12:36:27 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

It's odd how public they make their (lack of) sexuality. If it's supposed to be something special between husband and wife and god, then leave the rest of us out of it. How awkward.

This is what's the weirdest thing of all! Good for you - you kept it in your pants until your wedding day. I don't need to know that.

I wonder how "wild" these people get sexually. I mean, if sex is for procreation, I don't see them getting any toys, so to speak.