Being ok with being single

[Deleted]

Getting stood up; or blown off is always awful.

If you're dating to fill a void, don't date. Your XH's actions should no longer dictate your happiness. Being with the OW or not, it's not your business or problem. Stop obsessing over it.

I feel like you're still not over it. A lot of people suggest and do well in therapy. A therapist can guide you and give you the right tools to lead you in the right direction in coping and accepting this new situation. I found picking up new hobbies helped. I had to adjust to my new life, new place, etc. To be honest, I separated and started dating six months later. I wanted to fill a void with pretty much anyone who paid attention to me. It was unhealthy. I really think taking time for myself and stepping away from actively dating really helped me get over it all and be okay with being single.

I also did not date until my divorce was finalized and I had my divorce decree in hand.

[sweetchix]

I didn't start "dating" until 3 months after my divorce was finalized. I put dating in quotes because I was basically just looking for some fun. I had mixed feelings about it all. Fell for a guy or two, while others were in and out of my life. None of them lasted long.

Now I'm at the point in my life where I'm ok being single. I'm not looking for a bf, or even a fling. I'm taking time to focus on myself, DDs, my house, and my health right now. If I were to meet someone I wouldn't turn it down. I'd be willing to see what happens, but I'm not going out of my way to look for anyone right now.

I second therapy. And a break to work on yourself. Make sure YOU are where you want to be emotionally before bringing someone else into the mix.

ETA: I'm 3 years out from my divorce. The last "relationships" I had ended last July and last September. So I've been single for a while now.

[cuddlyevil]

Time and therapy.

I took time out for me, I didn't jump back into dating. I needed to figure out who I was independent of a relationship. So I start going to things that my old friends were attending, I joined meetup, did some gtg's with local gbcn ladies, and generally tried new things/restaurants/hangouts. I've found some really awesome friends and places that I never would have found while still married. I used to sing and now I'm in a choir that's getting some national recognition, it's pretty damn amazing.

Over time, being in a relationship becomes less of a need and more of a want. Do I want a boyfriend? Yeah, I missed the connection and intimacy of a relationship. But I don't need a boyfriend to be happy because I've found ways to make myself happy and pull myself out of the sad times.

[jigsy]

I think the thing that has made me feel good about being single is the friendships that I have cultivated since divorcing. I had friends while I was married, but it is easy to focus all your energy on your spouse, and, at least for me, friends just filled in the gaps. Now, I have an amazing core of friends. I never thought I would be that person who had a bunch of friends, but I focus on those relationships now instead of dating. Now, instead of thinking about a future groom, I look forward to my next wedding because I will have an amazing group of women who will be there to celebrate with me.

And, FWIW, I don't think online dating is very good...especially when you are fresh off a break up because EVERYTHING hurts a little more. OLD requires a thick skin and an DGAF attitude. I'd much rather be alone than deal with that shit.

[bg]

Use the time to get to know yourself again. Like the others said, meetups, new hobbies, etc will all help you get there. And sitting with the discomfort you feel being single is helpful too. I think that goes along with the patience that mp brought up. Know that you'll be more than ok!

[Eureka1984]

I agree wth what everyone else has posted.

I got divorced 2 years ago and at first I tried to date to get over my sadness. Then I realized with the help of therapy that Dating and a relationship do not define me.

Take time to get to know yourself. Journal, take classes, read, watch movies. Eventually things will get better and the feelings you are feeling will fade.