Anniversaries during a split suck.

[themoneytree]

It's our 14th wedding anniversary today.
This evening we signed the listing agreement to sell our house and then got Chinese take out.

It's all very surreal.

He did write me a 'non-anniversary' card apologizing for the stuff he has said and telling me I'm a great wife and that he loves me. When I asked what kind of love he means - like a sister? Good friend? Wife? He said he doesn't know. Helpful!!
But getting an apology is unusual so I'm happy to see him take responsibility for something for a change.
I really hope this place doesn't sit on the market for a year.

[sweetchix]

I'm sorry. It's tough in the beginning, but it will get easier. I'm 3 years out from my divorce and last year it didn't even phase me when our anniversary day came around. I don't know your living situation, are you both still in the house? Regardless, I hope your house sells quickly so you can move on.

[Deleted]

I'm 3.5 years out from my divorce and yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I would have been 7 years. I really don't care anymore. I'm a firm believer that time helps us accept things and to move on. You're in the really shitty part of divorce right now and I'm sorry. It does get better.

[themoneytree]

What's weird is that I don't even feel that bad at this point. It's more weird than anything else, and it all seems so crazy to just toss the relationship out of the window after 14 years.
But in therapy on Tuesday it really became clear that a lot of our issues began around 5 years ago. That's a long time to deal with withdrawal of affection. I can't help but hope that I'm beyond the devastated phase. Is that even possible when we're still living in the same house? I've cried so much over this. I just feel done.

[jellymankelly]

May 26, 2016 5:58:50 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

What's weird is that I don't even feel that bad at this point. It's more weird than anything else, and it all seems so crazy to just toss the relationship out of the window after 14 years.
But in therapy on Tuesday it really became clear that a lot of our issues began around 5 years ago. That's a long time to deal with withdrawal of affection. I can't help but hope that I'm beyond the devastated phase. Is that even possible when we're still living in the same house? I've cried so much over this. I just feel done.

Our anniversary was a turning point for me. I don't know why, but it was the first time I woke up and just didn't feel married anymore. There's some sort of psychological "thing" about the passing of that date, I think.

And yes, I think at some point you can get to the point of being done with all of the bullshit even if you're still living there together, but you may dip back down to being sad again. It's a roller coaster, but eventually you realize you've had x-number of good days in a row, and the bad days fade out. That's the best part.

[jigsy]

It is definitely harder to move forward when you are still living together, but it's not impossible. I would just suggest to stay focused on your future, not the past. I was so sad the first anniversary that passed after separation - but like PP said, it was also kind of a wake up call. It was over. That was part of my life that no longer exists. And that is ok. I can't even recall what the next anniversary was like. It will get better.

[bg]

I agree that you may find yourself bouncing around through different emotions -- sometimes all in the same day! My first divorced anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet -- it's on a Monday this year.

Sending you quick home selling vibes!

[elfinia7]

It was our 8 year anniversary when we were in the midst of deciding to divorce. It sucked. It's a 13 yr relationship that I struggled letting go of as well, but our issues will never be resolved. At the core, we are just fundamentally different and what I need in a partner, he can't give me. Our process did go pretty quickly. We used a mediator rather then lawyers, sold our house in less then a week (though closing took a bit longer) and finally filed for divorce last month.

In many ways I've definitely moved forward and am at peace with how everything has gone etc but I still have moments of sadness or some other crazy emotion. I spent my entire adult life with this person and now we're nothing. Well, we're friendly/civil to each other but communication between us is few and far between now that we've filed. I'm still in some ways trying to find my new normal without him.

[thedutchgirl]

My 10-year wedding anniversary was a month ago, mid-divorce. It does play with your mind for sure.

Good luck with the house sale!

[cuddlyevil]

My Dad sent us a card for our anniversary (it would have been our tenth), he genuinely didn't know what to do--he just wrote "I think it still counts?" because it was 3 months after we had decided to split. It stung a bit.

[glitzyglow]

My exH brought me a wedding anniversary card while he was living with his OW. The card said how much I meant to him, how wonderful I was, how he loved me, etc. I was like, "Uh, what? You live with the OW. Why would you give me this and why the eff would you write this nonsense since you sure af don't act like you mean any of this?" He had no answer. It was bizarre.

[LoveBug]

My anniversary would have been a few weeks ago. I texted my ex and said "happy good riddance!" It didn't make any sense but I felt like I had to acknowledge the day. He replied with the poop emoticon and a smiley face. We have been separated for almost three years and officially divorced for only 6 months.

[FormerlyRR]

May 26, 2016 14:43:40 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

My Dad sent us a card for our anniversary (it would have been our tenth), he genuinely didn't know what to do--he just wrote "I think it still counts?" because it was 3 months after we had decided to split. It stung a bit.

Lord, my dad called on one of mine and left a message on my answering machine, said something about they were thinking of me on this day. Thanks, I had managed to forget. 

ETA: that anniversary would have been a few days ago, 30 years. GAG