Should I have been breezy? Daycare issue

[Ashley&Scott]

Using scare tactics, like monsters, would not sit well with me. But I've never claimed to be breezy.

[mrssandro]

I think a little bit of a overreaction. Watch Monsters Inc or something. Kids have their phases of being scared of stuff. My kid is still scared about going in her bedroom when all the lights are out.

[steamboat185]

DD is scared Ms. Viola Swamp is going to get her because of a book they read- Miss Nelson is Missing- I'd never tell them not to read the book. Seems like just one of those things they can pick up.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 8:33:49 GMT -5 steamboat185 said:

DD is scared Ms. Viola Swamp is going to get her because of a book they read- Miss Nelson is Missing- I'd never tell them not to read the book. Seems like just one of those things they can pick up.

Well but that's a book. This was lying to kids about something scary so they will stay out of a room with paint cans. Why didn't they just say "don't go in that room please?"

[happyday]

May 31, 2016 8:28:49 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

Using scare tactics, like monsters, would not sit well with me. But I've never claimed to be breezy.

This, pretty much.

[dcrunnergirl52]

I agree that a better lesson would be just to tell them to stay out of the room, but I wouldn't be upset about this.

[Deleted]

I might be a little miffed, but at three DS learned about monsters just through TV and books. He went through a short phase ( 3-6 months) of being afraid and then it was over.

I think kids will hear about it and be afraid in any case.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 8:47:59 GMT -5 @this said:

May 31, 2016 8:37:45 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Well but that's a book. This was lying to kids about something scary so they will stay out of a room with paint cans. Why didn't they just say "don't go in that room please?"

Because 70% of 3yos would be like, "Oh yeah got it cool thanks will do... NO WAIT FUCK YOU I'M GOING IN." lol

I'm not really defending using monsters as a scare tactic. Like I said, I don't love it. But just also lol at it being that easy. 

My kid would be like " Okay, I won't go in there because it's dangerous" because he is cautious like that. But like the rest of his class last year would have seen that as a CHALLENGE. Like " Oh HELL YEAH let's go check out that room" 

Even in Middle School there was a forbidden hallway. We were not allowed to step foot in it and if we did we would get 3 office detentions. It was like a GOAL to see how many times you could run up and down it and not get caught

[steamboat185]

May 31, 2016 8:37:45 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

May 31, 2016 8:33:49 GMT -5 steamboat185 said:

DD is scared Ms. Viola Swamp is going to get her because of a book they read- Miss Nelson is Missing- I'd never tell them not to read the book. Seems like just one of those things they can pick up.

Well but that's a book. This was lying to kids about something scary so they will stay out of a room with paint cans. Why didn't they just say "don't go in that room please?"

It is, but the point of the book is that if you aren't nice to your teacher Viola Swamp will come instead of your nice teacher. I'm pretty sure they use it as a slight scare tactic- maybe not.

We also hike frequently and I tell DD there are trolls under the bridges. It's very possible the teacher just made an off the cuff remark about monsters being in the closet as a joke and the 3 year old ran with it.

Editing- DD was being a 3 year old last week and tripped and fell after not listening. I muttered something about Karma getting her. Now she is convinced Karma is real and comes looking for her when she is bad. I'm not in a rush to correct this misperception.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 8:50:11 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

May 31, 2016 8:47:59 GMT -5 @this said:

Because 70% of 3yos would be like, "Oh yeah got it cool thanks will do... NO WAIT FUCK YOU I'M GOING IN." lol

I'm not really defending using monsters as a scare tactic. Like I said, I don't love it. But just also lol at it being that easy. 

My kid would be like " Okay, I won't go in there because it's dangerous" because he is cautious like that. But like the rest of his class last year would have seen that as a CHALLENGE. Like " Oh HELL YEAH let's go check out that room" 

Even in Middle School there was a forbidden hallway. We were not allowed to step foot in it and if we did we would get 3 office detentions. It was like a GOAL to see how many times you could run up and down it and not get caught

Yeah Ben is a rule follower so if you had just told him the truth he would have stayed out.

I guess I'm just mad he's so afraid of monsters all of a sudden and this teacher just lol about it.

[jeaniebueller]

I would side eye it, but wouldn't say anything.That said, i wonder if the teacher explained to them a million times why they had to stay out of there and the kids kept doing the Why?Why?Why?Why? thing and finally out of frustration he said there were monsters in there. LOL

[felicity]

I think instead of scaring kids from going into the storage room that they keep leaving open, they should put more measures in place to make sure kids can't get into the storage room. I'd be bothered. I'm not breezy.

[katiescarlett]

I would be annoyed a bit, but I can't say I've never done anything like that myself. Some (probably most) kids wouldn't follow a request to just stay out. Maybe you got a very well behaved one, but the thought of my kids leaving it alone per a verbal request is lol. Could they just keep the door locked?

[ECB]

Is it the best tactic they could have come up with? No. But it's not something i'd talk to them about.

[countthestars]

I don't like the scare tactic, but also think it was a little weird that you went to his boss about it. I think I would have tried to have another conversation with Mr. Bob about it again first, explaining why you didn't like it.

[justjen]

I don't love it. But I would just tell the kid the truth: "There are no monsters in the closet. There are dangerous paint cans in there, and My Bob said that so little kids wouldn't go in and get into the paint. Monsters are just pretend."

[quesyrah]

Well, I'm not breezy and that would bother me a lot.

There is no reason they couldn't have just explained to the kids why they can't go in there. Telling them there were monsters was just lazy

[Deleted]

I need @vicmo to sign in.  The more I think about it, the less breezy I get.  Monsters?  Do your job and keep the kids away from danger without lying!  Or, you know what, for $2k a month you can paint the stupid daycare on the weekend.

[spk926]

I feel like they could've told the kids numerous other things about why they aren't to go into that room:
"There are no toys in there"
"There is paint and it is not safe"
"There is stuff that is not to play with"
"We don't play around paint"
"There are dangerous things we don't play around"
"It is not a room we play in"

and on and on. Why they seemingly jumped to monsters as a reasoning is beyond me. I wouldn't be too thrilled but I wouldn't be super pissed UNLESS it was having a negative effect on my kid and effecting her sleep and daily life. If that was the case because she was all of a sudden afraid of monsters then hell yeah I would talk to the director about it.

[undecidedowl]

I'm not a fan of using scare tactics in this scenario. However, I wouldn't have expected the teacher to immediately understand what you were trying to do by asking about the monsters. I don't think he was trying to contradict you, more that he just thought saying "good monsters" would solve the problem.

In the moment, I would have just told my kid that sometimes adults say silly things like there are monsters in the closet when there aren't. Then, I would have spoken separately to the teacher to confirm whether this was actually used as a scare tactic or just came up through kids questions and being silly.

[kershnic]

I think you're assigning a lot of purpose and intention to Mr. Bob's words that is not there. The teachers didn't sit down at nap time and brainstorm strategies for protecting the paint can room and then vote between closing the door and creating an elaborate story about monsters to scare the children out of entering. He likely made a joking off-the-cuff comment about monsters being in there, which your son latched on to for whatever reasons. Maybe the kids had asked about the room a million times, maybe it just seemed funny in the moment. People joke like that all the time. Being scared of random shit, including monsters, is a part of being a toddler/preschooler. Weird fears come and go suddenly. My kids were suddenly terrified of the dryer buzzer for like two weeks, and then all of a sudden it was fine again.

If it's really bothering you and/or Ben I think it's reasonable to give the teachers a heads up that he's really scared and ask light heartedly if they could cool it on the monster talk. But to be really upset and complain to the teacher's supervisor about his disciplinary strategy is pretty far into overkill territory.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 8:52:18 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

May 31, 2016 8:50:11 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

My kid would be like " Okay, I won't go in there because it's dangerous" because he is cautious like that. But like the rest of his class last year would have seen that as a CHALLENGE. Like " Oh HELL YEAH let's go check out that room" 

Even in Middle School there was a forbidden hallway. We were not allowed to step foot in it and if we did we would get 3 office detentions. It was like a GOAL to see how many times you could run up and down it and not get caught

Yeah Ben is a rule follower so if you had just told him the truth he would have stayed out.

I guess I'm just mad he's so afraid of monsters all of a sudden and this teacher just lol about it.

Yeah it sucks. Hopefully his fear is short lived. I think most kids go through this at this age in some fashion. 

[undecidedowl]

May 31, 2016 9:10:03 GMT -5 spk926 said:

I feel like they could've told the kids numerous other things about why they aren't to go into that room:
"There are no toys in there"
"There is paint and it is not safe"
"There is stuff that is not to play with"
"We don't play around paint"
"There are dangerous things we don't play around"
"It is not a room we play in"

and on and on. Why they seemingly jumped to monsters as a reasoning is beyond me. I wouldn't be too thrilled but I wouldn't be super pissed UNLESS it was having a negative effect on my kid and effecting her sleep and daily life. If that was the case because she was all of a sudden afraid of monsters then hell yeah I would talk to the director about it.

But did NQB ever ask if they tried any of those explanations? Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. But I would at least give the teacher a chance to explain how it came up before assuming they were terrible, lazy teachers who rely on scare tactics without explaining the truth.

I feel like this is one of those threads that could have gone either way based on the first 10 responses.

[thatgirl2478]

May 31, 2016 8:29:49 GMT -5 mrssandro said:

I think a little bit of a overreaction. Watch Monsters Inc or something. Kids have their phases of being scared of stuff. My kid is still scared about going in her bedroom when all the lights are out.

So am I - and I'm almost 38! Legitimately, I have nightmares about going into a room and all the lights being burned out.

I don't think I would be upset over this - a little eye rolley but not upset.

[speckledfrog]

Did you get confirmation that the teacher actually said there were monsters in there? If so, I'd be unhappy. I'm not above scare tactics but I use factual information. "There is poison in there and it's very dangerous. If you go in you could get very hurt."

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 9:23:11 GMT -5 undecidedowl said:

May 31, 2016 9:10:03 GMT -5 spk926 said:

I feel like they could've told the kids numerous other things about why they aren't to go into that room:
"There are no toys in there"
"There is paint and it is not safe"
"There is stuff that is not to play with"
"We don't play around paint"
"There are dangerous things we don't play around"
"It is not a room we play in"

and on and on. Why they seemingly jumped to monsters as a reasoning is beyond me. I wouldn't be too thrilled but I wouldn't be super pissed UNLESS it was having a negative effect on my kid and effecting her sleep and daily life. If that was the case because she was all of a sudden afraid of monsters then hell yeah I would talk to the director about it.

But did NQB ever ask if they tried any of those explanations? Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. But I would at least give the teacher a chance to explain how it came up before assuming they were terrible, lazy teachers who rely on scare tactics without explaining the truth.

I feel like this is one of those threads that could have gone either way based on the first 10 responses.

Well we had already said goodbye and left but we came back into the room to (hopefully) have Bob set the record straight that there were no monsters in the closet. Which he didn't do.  So at that point we just left and told Ben there were no monsters and Bob was being silly.

[Deleted]

May 31, 2016 9:25:45 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Did you get confirmation that the teacher actually said there were monsters in there? If so, I'd be unhappy. I'm not above scare tactics but I use factual information. "There is poison in there and it's very dangerous. If you go in you could get very hurt."

Yes, we asked him about it in front of Ben - "you were being silly, there aren't monsters, right?" and he said "oh yeah they're good monsters."

[CheeringCharm]

Hmm. I am usually very breezy but this would bother me. I think because they're teachers and should be pretty expert in early childhood education? I would have assumed they'd know more appropriate ways to manage behavior. 

[SJ]

First of all, I think you have been posting here long enough to know that you are not breezy at all.

I do agree with you in theory that this is not something I would have said. I am not doing Santa or Tooth Fairy or elves or whatever. I try to be very factual with DD.

However, I know that she is going to come into contact with lots of other adults who do not ascribe to my particular school of thought on this. I would have talked to the teacher (which you did), but most definitely not escalated it past there.

I guess I would keep reiterating to Ben that there are no monsters and that the teacher is telling stories or playing pretend.

[bunnymendelbaum]

This would not bother me at all. Then again, as a last resort when DD2 won't go to bed we tell her we are going to let the witches in. She runs to her bed and always falls asleep. So I'm pretty evil as a parent already.