How do you make friends?

[asoctoberfalls]

I never used to have much time for pursuing and cultivating friendships. Between working full-time and having H and DS, I felt stretched thin and unable to devote more time to making friends, plus I was never bored. I talk to my mom a ton and had one good friend that I talked to frequently. My good friend was H's best friend's wife. Now that H left and we are getting a divorce, my friendship with his best friend's wife is strained. She just never talks to me any more even though we didn't have a falling out. I'd imagine its awkward for her.

I have DS 4 nights during the week, and every other weekend. Most activities that I've found (church activities mostly) are during the week on nights when I have DS. I do have friends at work, but I am an engineer and 99% of my coworkers are men. I've already had one of my good guy friends at work hitting on me, which I think is grossly inappropriate. So I'm afraid to hang out with guys from work, plus I really want a girl friend.

Right now DS is with H for the weekend, and although I enjoy the alone time, I'm feeling really lonely. I haven't spoken with another human all day.

I'm soooo socially awkward and I hate getting to know people. I can't imagine how I'll ever meet another guy either!

I'm sure a bunch of you have been in this situation. any suggestions? I'm moving in with my parents in 2 weeks, so I'm sure that will help with the loneliness, but I need friends beside my mom.

[closertofine]

Have you looked into MOPS or another mom group? My MOPS group has been invaluable to me. I've actually been a part of 3 different ones due to logistics, and all three were great. And I'm an atheist! My current group isn't churchy at all, nor do we talk about the kids much. It's really all about us as women. I haven't really been able to go since the separation because I have the kids every Monday, and I really miss it. I'm going to try to figure out something for the fall. They offer childcare, but meetings are until 8, and my kids are asleep by 7.

Gtg with other gbcners? I've done a few and while none have developed into besties, they've all been nice.

And just for commisseration, I'm solo this weekend too, and I'm lonely.

[cuddlyevil]

Meetup is a good place to start. Also find out if there are other gbcners in your area. You can do a gtg, I did that and met some super fun ladies.

I also started going to things that I enjoyed premarriage and found friends there. Also I have managed to make some fun friends just by checking out new bars and sitting at the bar. It helped me get used to talking to strangers again.

[gozf]

Jun 4, 2016 19:49:53 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Meetup is a good place to start. Also find out if there are other gbcners in your area. You can do a gtg, I did that and met some super fun ladies.

I also started going to things that I enjoyed premarriage and found friends there. Also I have managed to make some fun friends just by checking out new bars and sitting at the bar. It helped me get used to talking to strangers again.

I absolutely agree that the best way to make friends is to go do something that interests you, see who else is there, and strike up conversations. It's hard at first and feels strange, but it gets so much easier.

I met my best local friend at an art exhibit. I met a bunch of other friends through a writing project, and others doing community theater.

And once you have a person or two, it all branches out. You'll meet their friends, and you'll hit it off with some of them, and from there it goes.

[winecat]

If you're an animal person, shelters/rescues often need people to take dogs for a walk. Or if you have the time, can you foster a dog? I've found walking a dog or going to a dog park are good ways to get out and meet people.

[doglove]

I've met a lot of friends through my volunteer "job" with a dog rescue. I've become friends with some of the people who've adopted my foster dog and kind of have a social circle with them. I also meet a lot of people doing things I enjoy - like exercise. I go to run clubs or became a member of a local gym with workout classes. Are there any potential people at work you could reach out to? I have also met friends that way. The relationships take slower to progress, but it's a pretty good avenue depending on the age/interests of your coworkers.

[asoctoberfalls]

Thanks everyone! I love dogs, but I'm very allergic. I actually can't even touch them. So that's out. I never thought of MOPS or meetup.com though! Good suggestions!

[redshoejune]

I could have written almost your entire post and I have no answers just commiseration. I haven't been able to really met anyone through meet-up or activities because there isn't really much that I am "into" and because I have my kids so much of the time.

[esdreturns]

You sound exactly like me. If you figure it out, please let me know! lol

[whiskeytails]

I've met great people through my local Jaycees (JCI) volunteer organization.

[bg]

I've met people by attending meetups related to my hobbies/interests. If I had kids I'd look into moms groups in my area. Are there networking events for your job? That could also be a way to meet people.

[alleinesein]

Making new friends is hard.

It was pretty easy in my 20's and a bit more difficult in my 30's. I tried the meetup route for awhile but found it hard to click with people since a lot of the meetup groups in my area had 'cliques' already established.

Most of the friends I made in my 30's were from a music forum. We meet up for concerts every few years when our favorite band tours. Some of us manage to get together once a year or so when someone ventures down to SoCal for a conference or a trip to Disneyland.

I gave up on trying to make friends with the locals from here. Our local board imploded a few years ago and there was drama and other nonsense. Everyone in my area is just so wrapped up in other things and they don't want to be bothered to meet new people.

Moms groups and church seem to be a good place to find people but for me I am neither a mom nor religious. I've got cats and they just dont play well with others!

[Linie]

I made a couple of really good friends through my Italian classes.

I have also thrown a few parties where I ask friends to come with at least 2 friends of their own. It's not cheap, but it was a success each time. I find a location, hire a DJ, pay for drinks and small nibbles and we dance until 3 am. Then I get re-invited and the circle grows.

[Deleted]

Jun 6, 2016 3:54:45 GMT -5 Linie said:

I made a couple of really good friends through my Italian classes.

I have also thrown a few parties where I ask friends to come with at least 2 friends of their own. It's not cheap, but it was a success each time. I find a location, hire a DJ, pay for drinks and small nibbles and we dance until 3 am. Then I get re-invited and the circle grows.

That's intense. I literally have one real life friend in my current location. I move too often to cultivate friends over and over. It's exhausting.

I looked on meetup for my area but nothing really interested me. All the groups I looked at primarily hike the same hill/area. It's weird. The groups I don't qualify for: church/mom/brides/over 40 actually do brunches and stuff. 

I contemplated taking a college class or two just to meet people. My yoga class, work, and grocery shopping are the only things that take me out in public.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Daycare moms - there was a core group of 4 families at DD's daycare that got along really well. We go out about once a month.

PTA -I lucked out that DD's school's PTA isn't this cliquey sahm friefdom

Girl Scout moms - I've made a few friends there

It's HARD to make friends post divorce when your life previously consisted of work & family ...

[riverpestie]

I joined a soccer team and register for different sports on a local social club website.
I also took some classes and made friends that way.
Volunteering, running groups, and finding new hobbies are great ways to meet people.

[Deleted]

I didn't have any luck with meetup. Here there are already very cliquey and SUPER unwelcoming of new people. But I know some people have great experiences.

Most of my new friends are friends of friends. I've done what others have mentioned above and said hey bring some friends along to XYZ it will be fun for new people to meet.

When I first got divorced I realized I hadn't cultivated my friendships like I should have, but I sucked it up, and started reaching out to my old friends to rebuild. They welcomed me back with open arms. Do you have older friends you could reach out to even if you haven't connected in a while?