How to work on confidence?

[bg]

I'm sorry that you ended things but hope you can focus on the fact that it is for the best!

Why do you feel like you should start using the online accounts now? Do you know what the fear is stemming from? Maybe work through that first. Does it come from a lack of self confidence (your post title)? Doing things that you're good at, reaching goals, surrounding yourself with people who have confidence in you may help with that.

[mommadukes]

Jun 7, 2016 10:27:54 GMT -5 bg said:

I'm sorry that you ended things but hope you can focus on the fact that it is for the best!

Why do you feel like you should start using the online accounts now? Do you know what the fear is stemming from? Maybe work through that first. Does it come from a lack of self confidence (your post title)? Doing things that you're good at, reaching goals, surrounding yourself with people who have confidence in you may help with that.

I don't think I have to use the accounts now, but once that time does come, that's what I am afraid of. Any time I have someone leading up to, like a presentation or an event out of my control, I just get nervous, which I guess is happening in this situation. Once the time comes, then I get comfortable and feel better, but it's just nerve wracking.

[Deleted]

I think everyone is nervous. I don't think this is anything you need to work on. Scientifically we get nerves because it releases adrenaline, which helps us perform better under stressful circumstances.

It's a good sign you relax and are comfortable after the initial meeting. The nerves are just part of dating. It sucks, but it's always what can make it exciting. That being said if you aren't enjoying yourself there is no reason to push yourself to date if you don't want to. And you definitely don't have to do online dating either.

[brooke77]

I agree with @pdx18 Everyone is nervous, right? It's totally normal!

[Deleted]

Everyone is nervous!  I would always do coffee dates for the first meeting---it's easy because if it sucks, you say you need to go and if it's great, you can sit there for 3 hours!  I found coffee or drinks MUCH less intimidating and nerve wracking than sharing a meal with a complete stranger.  It's normal! 

[mrsukyankee]

Hi - CBT therapist here. The internet/women's magazines all have us convinced that confidence is a feeling. Nope - it's an action. Nelson Mandela, who seems to be the most confident person in the world, talked about how, in prison, despite fear, he would walk around with confidence. Confidence is action despite fear - believe me, those people who seem confident have had fears but just 'did'. Fear is normal and okay (in fact, evolutionarily necessary) - so think of ways to act in confidence and it'll come your way!

[jenstar]

I agree with PPs, everyone is nervous, and the first meeting is likely to be a little awkward at the beginning! It's totally normal. I agree that coffee or a drink is a better option that going for a meal as the first date. GL!

[jenstar]

Oh, one other thing I thought of, remember that your job is to figure out if you like the other person, not to get them to like you. I feel like keeping that in mind takes some of the pressure off