Is @spenjamins still around?

[cinnamoncox0]

I need you @spenjamins !

I remember a thread from a year or so ago re:teachers trying to split kids up in classes. You had advice but I didn't need it at the time but I need your backup now!

If you're still around here's a brief rundown:

My girls were in same class for two years or preschool and this whole year old kindergarten.
Everything was more than fine until about two weeks ago.

At their April teacher conference the teacher said to me "us teachers always suggest splitting them up in diff classes"
I said they've been fine all this time, I appreciate her input, but want them together.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and she's emailing me and stopping me and DH with these minor things that one or the other is doing in class (to me it's typical end of school year excitement stuff vs real problem since they've been totally fine three years of "school" together.

She keeps citing these "issues" as reasons to split them up, but they're nothing to do with each other.

Example: one girl getting in trouble in the bathroom (not coming out when called) with another classmate, not her sister.

Sure that's not good behavior but what does it have to do with being in the same class as her twin?! Nothing. None of the issues have anything to do with them being together.
I feel like since she told me a few months ago "all teachers recommend splitting" since I pushed back I feel like she's using these things to get us to split them up.

I've stayed strong but I remember you saying to reach out to you if I need help and I do.

I hope you are well and are still around here.

If anyone. Else has input ID appreciate it forever and ever

Thanks @fryjack yours aren't old enough for k or 1st yet right?

[origami]

I don't have advice but I was wondering about this topic too, but for a different reason. My boys are going into K and have been in the same preschool class for 2+ years. One is speech delayed and somewhat relies on his brother so I'm not sure if I should split them up or if he does better because he's so much more comfortable with his brother there. This may be moot bc there may only be 1 K class next year but I'll probably still have the same question in elementary when they move to a bigger school.

[cinnamoncox0]

Spenjamins told me to come to her if I needed her when the teachers tried to pull this and she's the first person I thought of when the teacher started.

One of mine isn't speech delayed. But had gross motor delays. One walked at 10 months the gross motor delayed one walked at 18 months.

They're not at all codependent. They look diff act diff are way diff sizes (one is miniature) people ask if "I'm sure" they're twins they're so diff.

So this is pissing me off.

I plan to keep them together until either they become a problem together in Class or until they ask to be separated.

But spengamins said she had good wording to use

I'll just keep sticking to it and that's that.
Good luck @oragami origami
I hope yours stay together if that's what you want.

[fryjack2]

Are you in public schools? I think they can't make you split them in public schools. It's ultimately up to parents. At least here in MA.

Our boys are 4 and have been in preschool for two years in the same class. They are moving on to Pre-K in a new school (private) and they will be split per school policy. I was really hesitant about that and am still a little unsure if j will push to have them together.

My boys are best friends and look for each other all the time. They have started to be okay when separated and not constantly ask for each other. I thought a new school and a new class without their brother would be a tough transition.

Their teachers at first said they would be fine but then when i said I might ask them to stay together, they said maybe another year together might help ease their transition.

I would ignore the teachers since what you describe doesn't seem like it has anything to do with being twins.

[cinnamoncox0]

Yes, it's public school and also I'm in Ma.
I am not going to split them. This is just age and not a twin thing. I hate that it's even an issue. I thought I made it perfectly clear I intend to keep them together.

[origami]

My kids' private PreK automatically separated my kids and I basically flat out demanded they be put in the same class. The school complied.

I really want to see spenjamins's research links to read up about the benefits/hazards when one twin is delayed. I remember she had some that showed a benefit (or at least no detriment) to staying together but I can't remember if there were any SN issues involved in those studies.

[kershnic]

I think in Massachusetts you have a right to decide. That is not true in all places.
malegislature.gov/Laws/GeneralLaws/PartI/TitleXII/Chapter71/Section90

Just inform them that you're not splitting and that it's your legal right, they'll figure it out.

That said, I think splitting is often really good for kids. My nephews were split for the 1st time this year in 1st grade. One of them wanted it and one of them didn't. But it has been so good for them and I know my sister has no regrets. If we are in a similar situation when my girls are in K or 1 I will do the same.

[irishbride2]

Huh I'd love to see the research. Everything I've read in the past, as an educator, is pro separation.

[Deleted]

Jun 29, 2016 19:08:02 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

Huh I'd love to see the research. Everything I've read in the past, as an educator, is pro separation.

I don't think it's so cut and dry. It really depends on the children. This is why states have passed laws requiring the schools to defer to the parent's preference. As mentioned by other posters, this is the case in MA. I looked into it when I found out I was having twins because I remember spenjamins posts on the subject.

 I remember reading spenjamins posts on this issue and she had quite a bit of research on the detriment to separating some twins (serious emotional issues similar to separation anxiety.) If I remember correctly, the research suggested this was more common among identical twins. I feel like I remember this because my girls are identical but I could be making that up lol. 

cinnamoncox0, I may have some links to spenjamins posts/research on the issue. I'll check and get back to you if I can find anything. 

[irishbride2]

BTW I feel weird that I came to the MoM board to comment, lol. I totally thought I was on MMM when I first commented.

[cinnamoncox0]

Jul 11, 2016 18:35:10 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Jun 29, 2016 19:08:02 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

Huh I'd love to see the research. Everything I've read in the past, as an educator, is pro separation.

I don't think it's so cut and dry. It really depends on the children. This is why states have passed laws requiring the schools to defer to the parent's preference. As mentioned by other posters, this is the case in MA. I looked into it when I found out I was having twins because I remember spenjamins posts on the subject.

 I remember reading spenjamins posts on this issue and she had quite a bit of research on the detriment to separating some twins (serious emotional issues similar to separation anxiety.) If I remember correctly, the research suggested this was more common among identical twins. I feel like I remember this because my girls are identical but I could be making that up lol. 

cinnamoncox0, I may have some links to spenjamins posts/research on the issue. I'll check and get back to you if I can find anything. 

Thanks @awinter I appreciate it !

Nothing my girls are doing in class is on account of them being twins. It's things that are normal for their age and when they have gotten into small amounts of trouble, it's not been with each other, it's been with other kids who aren't their twin, so it just doesn't make any sense.
I get/got the impression she began to dig in her heels when I said I wasn't separating and she said "all teachers recommend it" like I wasn't just automatically doing what she said.
They're my kids I know them much better.

I would be glad to see what she posted and wish she would come back the thread is still here somewhere with her offer to help, I know she was very well informed about it and she was quite smart and her kids seems very well adjusted.

Mine are both girls but not identical. Couldn't be more different.
Thanks again!!

[Deleted]

Jul 11, 2016 20:27:55 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

BTW I feel weird that I came to the MoM board to comment, lol. I totally thought I was on MMM when I first commented.

Haha, lots of people find their way here from time to time

[Deleted]

Jul 13, 2016 5:31:24 GMT -5 cinnamoncox0 said:

Jul 11, 2016 18:35:10 GMT -5 @awinter said:

I don't think it's so cut and dry. It really depends on the children. This is why states have passed laws requiring the schools to defer to the parent's preference. As mentioned by other posters, this is the case in MA. I looked into it when I found out I was having twins because I remember spenjamins posts on the subject.

 I remember reading spenjamins posts on this issue and she had quite a bit of research on the detriment to separating some twins (serious emotional issues similar to separation anxiety.) If I remember correctly, the research suggested this was more common among identical twins. I feel like I remember this because my girls are identical but I could be making that up lol. 

cinnamoncox0, I may have some links to spenjamins posts/research on the issue. I'll check and get back to you if I can find anything. 

Thanks @awinter I appreciate it !

Nothing my girls are doing in class is on account of them being twins. It's things that are normal for their age and when they have gotten into small amounts of trouble, it's not been with each other, it's been with other kids who aren't their twin, so it just doesn't make any sense.
I get/got the impression she began to dig in her heels when I said I wasn't separating and she said "all teachers recommend it" like I wasn't just automatically doing what she said.
They're my kids I know them much better.

I would be glad to see what she posted and wish she would come back the thread is still here somewhere with her offer to help, I know she was very well informed about it and she was quite smart and her kids seems very well adjusted.

Mine are both girls but not identical. Couldn't be more different.
Thanks again!!

Someone bumped the 2014 thread to the top about mothers of school age kids. There are several posts in there linking to the research. I agree, if they aren't being disruptive together and are doing well in school and want to be together I wouldn't separate them just because they said all teaches recommend it. That may be the case but MA puts the law on your side to decide. Good luck!

[cinnamoncox0]

@awinter thanks! Yes I'm in MA so luckily it won't be or shouldn't be too big a deal. They're doing very well in day summer camp at school so fingers crossed the schol doesn't start with me again next year.
Good luck to you too I know yours are younger but not too far away from school, right?

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2016 5:40:57 GMT -5 cinnamoncox0 said:

@awinter thanks! Yes I'm in MA so luckily it won't be or shouldn't be too big a deal. They're doing very well in day summer camp at school so fingers crossed the schol doesn't start with me again next year.
Good luck to you too I know yours are younger but not too far away from school, right?

A few years. They start preschool in Sept 2017.

[tres3]

I don't have twins but I do have adult friends that are twin pair.. this desire to "separate" them meant in middle school one got to be in honors classes and the other didn't. They were equally as capable and the school's answer was to flip them each year until their mother fought for them to be in the same class again.