WDYT? Should we "hunt down" invisible spouses?

[basilosaurus]

Until this board, and fairly recently, I'd never known it was supposed to be anything but social. My experience was limited to making diaper cakes (no, really, I'm not making that up) for new moms.

[Jam]

The FRG is supposed to be a source for information/resources and support while the service member is down range.

Another focus is fundraising (although we don't do much of that tbh). Funds raised are used to lower the OOP costs for families at Balls, Organizational Day(s), etc.

The social events are usually just done to keep the families busy and not just waiting around for their spouses to get back. A lot of families like having something to keep them social but it's not really the purpose of the FRG. We are given a huge binder on local resources in case we ever need to use them. Book doesn't really say anything about how to socialize lol

[bigmamma]

The Navy has both an FRG and an Ombudsman program. The FRG is voluntary, but the Ombudsman has UNLIMITED access to the recall roster. We are bound by confidentiality. We are required to contact families consistently throughout deployment. Ombudsman are usually provided with the Spouses and/or NOK contact information.

As an Expeditionary Ombudsman my Sailors are deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, HOA... pick a random combat/pirate zone -they were there. We are required to contact families once a month. I would reach out once via email then make my monthly calls. We are also mandated reporters (abuse, neglect, sexual assault - domestic/child - substantiated/suspected/unrestricted)

All of that being said - unless you KNOW the spouse who is in crisis - unless they are outwardly displaying crisis symptoms - uless someone reports it to the command - there is NO WAY THE COMMAND COULD HAVE KNOWN!!!

Even if I showed up at the door of her home, and said HI, how are you --- she could have said "I'm Fine"... "Go Away"... "Fuck Off".

It takes a great deal of proactive effort to build trust with military families. To prove you are not a drama whore busy body. If this woman never went to anything, never spoke to anyone ---- if her SM never informed the command of his status, kids, spouse was struggling... there is no way of knowing.

This woman was mentally ill, no question. I wonder how many people had been in her FILTHY home and didn't say/do anything. How many "friends" came and went doing nothing. But hey... its the military... always the uniform's fault right?

[bigmamma]

Sept 5, 2012 20:48:51 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

Why don't people want the FRG contacting them...?

Because it's a social club. That's it's main function, even if it's not supposed to be. And this social club does not have the greatest reputation. Whether it be stories of drama from yesteryear or events that are not well rounded enough, people don't want to be apart of it because it's never benefited them in the past. It's not (always) the fault of the people running them, it's just how the program is and was.

The entire system ::waving arms around:: needs to be rebuilt from the ground up.

Our FRGs tend to be more mission/task focused as well as training oriented. They always have a theme and a task/project for that meeting. They have a pot luck for 30 minutes prior - discuss upcoming business while they eat then get to work.

Not ALL FRGs are strictly social groups - that being said - social connection is vitally important for military families. Having another person who TOTALLY UNDERSTANDS a sink full of dishes, a basket of dirty laundry and an empty bottle of wine... is the answer sometimes.

We all know how hard it is to relay a story to people back home. You have to explain EH-VER-EE-THING to them before you can even get to the point. FRGs, with proper intent/management, can provide that outlet for spouses/families.

[bigmamma]

Sept 5, 2012 20:51:32 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Until this board, and fairly recently, I'd never known it was supposed to be anything but social. My experience was limited to making diaper cakes (no, really, I'm not making that up) for new moms.

Unless it was the "welcoming baby" meeting we do every spring that would NOT be the purpose. PS - we also did new puppy kits too :-)

[basilosaurus]

"But hey... its the military... always the uniform's fault right?"

I don't think anyone's blaming the military but rather using it as a point for introspection to see if something more can be done. This individual situation was likely not preventable, but maybe there are in between cases that are.

Oh, and the diaper cakes were done for every new baby shortly after birth. That meant a few every month. It wasn't the purpose of the meeting, but it was a responsibility of the few officer's spouses in the squadron. I would have liked a puppy kit

[bigmamma]

I was being sarcastic about it being the uniform's fault. SHE is saying that the command never reached out, noone contacted her, she was all alone, the deployment made this happen........

See --- that is why we did the Welcoming Baby theme once a year (twice if multiple deployments LOL). We would knock out a BIG Mock baby shower. Make all the new baby crap and then lock it in the storage locker. That way there wasn't annoying new baby boredom.

The puppy kits were cute they included the puppy training pad cakes :-)