Yes. It was only a matter of time I think. To simplify it, having three small children just really pushed me to the point where I was done prioritizing her comfort and needs above my own, and those of my husband and kids. Like spearmintleaf, since I no longer give her the power to control me, I'm dead to her. We haven't spoken in two years now.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Jun 15, 2016 8:33:45 GMT -5
A little, and I'm sad about it. I think my mom had a rough time going through menopause, which was part of it, and she has a lot of stress in her life from dealing with my elderly grandparents, but the real kicker for me was when my sister turned into a bridezilla two years ago, and I feel that my family (parents, bro, SIL) chose her over me.
I've talked about it here before, but not enough that anyone would remember, but basically, my sister lives overseas and met a guy who she brought home at Christmas. She told our brother and SIL they were getting married, but "don't tell anyone". Of course they did. The dude is totally shady, wouldn't answer any questions, wouldn't get into any conversation, is the most deliberately obtuse person I have ever met. Anyway, I was pregnant at the time, and my sister scheduled her overseas wedding for five days after my due date. I already had plans for my parents to come out here to watch my DD...
Anyway, I was hurt, and my mom thinks I can just apologize and be BFFs with my sister again. My sister who never congratulated me on the birth of my son, and who refuses to speak to me now. Ok then.
I am personally of the opinion my sister's H is emotionally abusive, since her behaviour has completely changed since meeting him, and despite her living overseas, we chatted daily prior to him. But the worst part is, this has distanced me from the rest of my family, and my mom in particular.
Mine is the opposite. My mom and I did not get a long at all when I was living at home. We have very different personalities and just didn't mesh well. My dad and I on the other hand have always been exactly alike. Our relationship got better once I went to college, but it really bloomed when I was on hospital bedrest. She's an amazing support to me and will do anything to help me and the girls. And since she retired last year, she's been amazing. I'm really lucky.
Yes, while I am still very close with her as I have gotten older I just realize we are different. Also, she has gotten a little more ornery and made some decisions I don't agree with so I find myself getting very short with her. I am very close with my Dad and always have been and as I have gotten older we continue to be close.
They are older so even has I became a mom she was never there to help or provide support with M. She loves him but only tolerates him for short bursts of time. We all think she is depressed but wont' do anything about it so let's her health deteriorate. Overall she has never done anything outrageous to me, loves my H and we have a good time when we are together. Just not that close. I call my dad to chat, I chat with my mom if my dad puts her on the phone.
Yes, very much so. My mom hates my DH and is constantly making little comments about him. He can't win. Yesterday it was her asking if I need any help organizing the nursery, then before I could answer she said probably not because my husband is "ridiculously involved in things like that." Only my mother could turn a man washing baby clothes into a character flaw.
She does not like me being grown up and not needing her anymore. She doesn't like me being married to a capable man. She also makes zero effort regarding my stepkids. She literally never asks about them and she changes the subject when I bring them up. She finds little ways to imply that my husband is a bad father, too.
Basically she doesn't like the life I've chosen as an adult and she feels useless if she can't control me. She's very narcissistic so she's loving becoming a grandmother. I set a lot of boundaries and tolerate her when I can, avoid her when I can't. But it's sad.
I could have written this post, particularly the bolded part. I am currently in the process of setting clear boundaries and my parents have not spoken to me in 7 months. I have some guilt about the fact that this has brought me a lot of relief. But I was so tired of being beholden to her irrational mood swings that something had to change.
My dad has a lot of mental health issues and they closed/lost a business. She is super critical of my working, being gone, traveling, etc. She has no idea how much money I make. I wish we were closer still but it's hard. Right now I need some boundaries.
Yes. My mom and dad divorced while I was planning my wedding, although it had been coming for a long time. She went off the rails a bit and never really recovered, and as a result I've had to set some pretty firm emotional boundaries. Some of the stuff she has done and said has been pretty hurtful. She's now married to a total creeper and consistently chooses him over me and my DS. I keep her at arms length and I unfortunately don't really see that ever changing.
My Mom and I got a little close after high school. I grew up feeling scared of her because of her anger issues or tell me I need to thicken my skin or "buck up" when I had issues with my siblings.
After high school I started to slowly better my relationship but it's strained due to her beliefs, anger, how she treats my father, and telling me what to do with my baby; she's extreme antivax, into conspiracy theories/government out to get her mentality, and gets anger if you don't agree with her views.
my mom and I are closer than ever as I've grown older. we just get each other.
my dad and I, however... as I've gotten older, I've realized how selfish and close-minded he is. his whole side of the family, tbh. I've distanced myself from him, which is sad because I LOVE my stepmom.
I don't remember ever being close with my mom. She's kind and means well, so I make an effort to keep up a relationship. But we have nothing in common. It's like she's from a different planet.
Post by melodramatic26 on Jun 15, 2016 10:53:11 GMT -5
I've definitely grown apart from both my parents. I used to have a good relationship with my mom, but as I've gotten older, our ability to relate to each other has diminished.
I'm partly at fault because I've left the church and that's her entire social circle. It's hard to have any deep conversations when her response is some form of "you should pray about that" (and I don't believe in prayer at all).
She also has become increasingly selfish as she's gotten older. It seems like she can't be genuinely happy for us or my sister if it doesn't involve her being happy. - For example, when we decided to build a house and move to be closer to work, cutting our drive down from over an hour each way to 10 minutes, she cried and pouted that we were moving an hour further away from her.
It's also incredibly difficult because we are from a small town and she sees a lot of her friends whose daughters still live in the same town and they talk/see each other every day - so she feels like we should be like that too. Except, we've never been like that since I left for college 20 years ago.
Mini vent/confession I suppose. I love my mom, we used to be quite close when I was growing up. Mom was very supportive, helped me out w/activities and all sorts of things, even when I went home during college. But i just feel so distant from her now, like we're not friends any more. A few contributing factors, we live hours apart. She never had a career so I don't think she gets what that's like (she never asks me about my job). She's a talker, and often talks about herself and relatively mundane things like her day. She never talks about current events or anything like that. Our personality types are very different. My dad and I had our differences when I was growing up and he has some big faults (recall my post a few weeks ago about his anger issues) but he's funny, lively, and super well informed. We could talk for 30 minutes w/o realizing the time passed.
I don't know if I've changed that much/grown up or my mom has. Probably a bit of both. I think we'd do better if we saw each other in person and had experiences together, but that's not possible - even when they visit for a couple days it's largely family time all together. I just feel so bad about it. I like to call her but after 2 minutes into the conversation I'm bored and ready to hang up
Yes. This exactly. We have little in common. I mean she LIVES downstairs from me and takes care of my son while I work, but our " topics" of conversations are limited to
1) My son 2) Disney 3) Cute kids clothes 4) Our other relatives.
She also tries to engage on topics I refuse to ( body shaming, dieting etc) OFTEN and when I put up a boundary she gets angry and refuses to talk to me.
I miss our old friendship, but I think we will never get back there.
Yes, but due to her dementia-related decline the past 5 years. We were actually getting closer prior to her diagnosis and rapid decompensation after my dad passed. The first couple years she'd accuse me of all kinds of terrible things because of her delusions. Then she shifted to being able to have only scant "Hi, how are you?" types of conversations. And now she can't communicate at all.
Post by wanderlustmom on Jun 15, 2016 21:13:29 GMT -5
Yes, it's really terrible. Nine years ago we were close and on the phone daily. She was positive and was super helpful with the kids. She, in short order, was diagnosed with Parkinson's and now is depressed and takes too many pain pills. Words can't say how hard this has all been for my sister and I--therapy has helped a lot.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Jun 15, 2016 21:25:06 GMT -5
Yes
We butt heads over my finances and the snail's pace my divorce is going at (when she divorced her parents footed the retainer; mine would be OVER if mine had fronted a retainer instead of me having to DIY it myself). I'm sure we'll be on better terms once the divorce is final
Our relationship has gone through some extreme seasons. Since kids, we are closer than ever, and this is after periods where I thought I would never let her near any future kids.
Post by simpsongal on Jun 16, 2016 12:29:36 GMT -5
@246baje, hehe, she doesn't know how to use a computer much less send a text message. Neither of my parents do. It's a shame. They're both really scared of the technology (they're in their mid 60s too, so not like super old).
Hugs @bigreddog, I'm glad you're getting therapy, that sounds like a very difficult relationship to navigate.
Ever since my mom retired 6 months ago, our relationship has deteriorated. As someone said up thread, her world has gotten smaller. All she talks about is her workouts, how tired she is, shopping trips, and trips to the casino. As a mom of young kids with a demanding career, I just can't relate. Especially when she tells me that I need to spend more time with my kids and in the next breath tells me that I need to work more so that we can buy a new house ASAP. Lately, I'm pissed off every time I leave her house due to some remark she's made about me. We just butt heads because we lead such different lives.