anyone feel like sharing "i wish i would have" knowledge?

[Deleted]

Just curious if anyone had any knowledge bombs to drop regarding things they wish they would have asked for or thought of during divorce proceedings? After 23  *years of marriage and DH having an affair. four kids but no one under 18. And a big cursed house to sell. Sigh.

This post is actually for my mom. She is 63 and works at the same company as my dad. He is in the csuite but she in no way crosses his path or reports to him. She asked for extra money to cover the possibility that she could lose her job because of the divorce

[heywhat]

No kids under 18? That is a relief. I think kids/custody/placement is the hardest part.

Do you both work? Unlike child support, if you do not get spousal support at the time of divorce, you cannot ask for it later (or that is true in WI). Child support and placement can be renegotiated.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2016 10:15:32 GMT -5 heywhat said:

No kids under 18? That is a relief. I think kids/custody/placement is the hardest part.

Do you both work? Unlike child support, if you do not get spousal support at the time of divorce, you cannot ask for it later (or that is true in WI). Child support and placement can be renegotiated.

I originally posted this for my mom who is 63. Something happened on my phone where it didn't all post  
Yes they both work...he makes significantly more than her and her job could possibly (but probably not) be on the line because of this. She has asked for more money in case that happens or if he gets fired for the affair (it is happening in their work place) She will ask for 70/30 I believe and support to pay bills on their massive house until it sells. 

[jojoandleo]

I think the first step is to really research your attorney. Ask around for recommendations, check them out via their websites/local bar association/etc. Then, make a list of what you REALLY care about, then a list of things you are fine doing without. THOSE are what you compromise. Ask for more, expect less.

Leave your anger out of it. Yeah, he cheated, but MOST states do no fault divorces and the fact he cheated doesn't matter. I know she WANTS it to matter, and likely FEELS he should pay for it, but this is a court of law, not a court of feelings.

Leave the kids out of it. They may be adults, but that is still their DAD.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2016 11:26:57 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I think the first step is to really research your attorney. Ask around for recommendations, check them out via their websites/local bar association/etc. Then, make a list of what you REALLY care about, then a list of things you are fine doing without. THOSE are what you compromise. Ask for more, expect less.

Leave your anger out of it. Yeah, he cheated, but MOST states do no fault divorces and the fact he cheated doesn't matter. I know she WANTS it to matter, and likely FEELS he should pay for it, but this is a court of law, not a court of feelings.

Leave the kids out of it. They may be adults, but that is still their DAD.

this is good thank you. Her desire to cut ties is currently over riding any vengefulness she wants to feel. I am really proud of her for that. She keeps saying I am going to handle business first and then deal with the rest. She just wants to make sure she is fully taken care of. She is currently speaking to several attnys and gathering lots of good info for them. thank you

[Deleted]

I wish my mom didn't bad mouth my dad to me. It kinda hurt my relationship with my dad and mom.

I wish I wasn't so accommodating in my divorce just to keep the peace while he was a complete and total asshole. I really screwed myself in the beginning.

This a follow up from the "father's day is cancelled" post, isn't it?

I agree with asking for more than you feel like because usually it will get negotiated down. This is good advice for life actually.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2016 11:35:35 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

I wish my mom didn't bad mouth my dad to me. It kinda hurt my relationship with my dad and mom.

I wish I wasn't so accommodating in my divorce just to keep the peace while he was a complete and total asshole. I really screwed myself in the beginning.

This a follow up from the "father's day is cancelled" post, isn't it?

I agree with asking for more than you feel like because usually it will get negotiated down. This is good advice for life actually.

Yes it is. 
Yeah she is still being super nice to him. I think she is afraid that if she gets pissed he wont make this easy...she keeps saying she just wants out but she needs to be careful. I think this will get better once he moves out and she can start to be alone and gather some sense and strength. 
I think my relationship...which was only nurtured by mom..with my dad is over. I cannot safely have my DD around him. Everything she has said has been the truth and I am thankful to know it even though it is PAINFUL. 

[alleinesein]

Health Insurance. We had a family friend who divorced after 15+ years of marriage and she asked for her XH to cover her health insurance for the length of her alimony. The court granted it and he had to cover her on his policy for 10 years.

[jenstar]

Crap @applejack01, I read your update on ML and I can't imagine how hard all this must be to take in at once. I haven't got any advice, just wanted to send hugs. x

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2016 19:12:05 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

Health Insurance. We had a family friend who divorced after 15+ years of marriage and she asked for her XH to cover her health insurance for the length of her alimony. The court granted it and he had to cover her on his policy for 10 years.

!!!!! Smart. thank you

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2016 19:18:10 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Crap @applejack01 , I read your update on ML and I can't imagine how hard all this must be to take in at once. I haven't got any advice, just wanted to send hugs. x

thank you. it has been an absolute TSUNAMI of emtoions

[Deleted]

Alimony income is taxable income.

I took a lump settlement instead and it was not taxable.