Also a really dumb question.

[themoneytree]

What is child support for exactly?

Is it meant to cover living expenses such as a mortgage because it wouldn't come close. Or food? Clothes? All of them, or some of them?
How about activities? If she wants to take dance classes or go to camp is that all on me because I get support? Or will she just not be able to do extra curricular activities if I can't afford it?

I'm pretty concerned about my monthly income situation. H keeps telling me that I will need to get a job which I understand but isn't easy with a kid in preschool 3 mornings a week and no family in the US to help. I'm not quite sure what he's expecting me to do.

We've already paid for next year's preschool fees, but what if she needs a grow year? What if I'm able to get a job and that means that she needs to be in school until 3pm @ $25 per day.

Is that all on me? Or does he share responsibility?

I realize this is another reason why I need to get my butt to an attorney for a consultation, but I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or experience with this. I just haven't a clue what to expect.

[sweetchix]

Food, clothing, shelter. Necessities.
We've hit grey area items as well, like school supplies. I think XH and I should split them just as we split any other child related costs outside of support. He claims that is included in child support. I would agree if I have full custody and he were paying full child support, but he's paying a decreased amount of child support because we share 50/50.

ETA: we split all extracurricular activities (gymnastics, Girl Scouts...). Regarding child care, it is in our agreement that we split that 50/50 in cases when it is needed while we are working or in school or things to that effect (look into this as it may be the norm). We do not split for times when we go out for personal reasons and need a sitter.

[LoveBug]

I was a SAHM mom when we filed as well. My X had to pay alimony for two years and child support as well (which won't end until she's 18). I had to budget but I was able to stay at home with her for those two years and live off of my alimony and CS. I had a job lined up and started a few months before the alimony ended. I got really lucky with the timing on that one. But once I started working, his CS payments increased since he had to pay his share for day care.

You need to talk with a professional who will ease your mind and answer all of these questions for you. But don't let your STBX tell you that you can't or shouldn't get alimony.

[themoneytree]

He knows I'll get some but he thinks and may be right (?) that they will take my ability to work into account when determining alimony payments so I think he's expecting it to be low.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2016 17:53:52 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

He knows I'll get some but he thinks and may be right (?) that they will take my ability to work into account when determining alimony payments so I think he's expecting it to be low.

Lawyer ASAP:) I know I'm beating a dead horse, but given your situation do not move forward without one. Also I believe when considering ability to work and alimony, that relates more to how long you get alimony, for not necessarily how much. 

Logistically you need to 1. Get a lawyer and 2. Make a detailed budget forecasting day care costs once you're employed, activities, and college savings expectations. If you both own the house I would expect to sell it, so you might want to look into what a rental would cost you in your area. 

[themoneytree]

Our joint home is on the market now - has been on for almost 2 weeks.

I am in contract on a new house in a nearby town. STBX is having to apply for the mortgage for me and he is cooperating with that so far. I know he is freaking out about the possibility of this house selling and him being homeless, but based on how many showings we're getting my guess is that he has some time before that happens and would be able to get into contract on a new house in plenty of time before this place closed.

[dragon's breath]

In Oregon, there is a child support calculator they use. It takes into account both incomes, some expenses (health insurance premiums, daycare), and then spits out a number. My agreement was that XH was to split all extra medical expenses, school expenses, etc, but he never has (so I paid for any activities on my own, my son's eye surgery on my own, etc). I believe you could negotiate for a different amount, but it is up the the judge to award, so it might not be the amount on the calculator.

If you wanted to get a ball park figure for child support, you could look at your state's calculator. I'd try it a few ways, for different incomes and daycare costs.

If your stbx decides to pitch in for the activities that's great, but from experience, don't count on it.

[asoctoberfalls]

Child support is for anything related to running a house. Things that are specifically for the child are usually split, like daycare, medical expenses, extracurricular activities, school tuition and fees, etc.

It's crazy how much child support varies by state. Ohio doesn't care that we share custody - child support is strictly based on income and health insurance costs. The state calculated amount for me was almost $800/month for one child, and STBXH only makes 10k more than me. the child support calculator I found online was remarkably accurate.

[Deleted]

Get a lawyer and stop talking to your xH about this.

Yes, you will probably need to get a job and your kid will probably have to go into daycare full time, for that, he will be responsible for 50% or more. You will figure this out. But child support isn't as easy as "here's the expenses, you pay half and I pay half." It takes in account how much you make vs. how much he makes and how much time your kid(s) are with you and how much time they're with him. And also the kid's expenses - ALL of them.

So PLEASE GET A LAWYER AND LET THE LAWYER HANDLE THESE THINGS. And for the love of god stop talking to your xH. Find some strength and start moving forward without his contributions and conditions and the nonsense he's feeding you.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2016 22:37:48 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Our joint home is on the market now - has been on for almost 2 weeks.

I am in contract on a new house in a nearby town. STBX is having to apply for the mortgage for me and he is cooperating with that so far. I know he is freaking out about the possibility of this house selling and him being homeless, but based on how many showings we're getting my guess is that he has some time before that happens and would be able to get into contract on a new house in plenty of time before this place closed.

No offense and I know you're probably too far into the process to stop now, but this is an enormously bad idea.  Do not get further financially involved with your xH.  No way, no how.  Stop it.  This is going to greatly further complicate your life in ways you can't even anticipate at this point.  This is putting yet another asset financially and another tie to you in his column.  And if you don't have a job, don't know your child/spousal support, HOW are you reasonably choosing a home with a mortgage you "can afford?"  Do you know what you can afford?  Do you have a real budget with real money on the way?  Do you know what your expenses will be as a single parent?  What if he doesn't pay the child/spousal support - it can take ages to collect in court, no matter what an order says.

If you can stop the home purchase without losing too much money, I would go that route.

[glynn]

I would stop the house deal unless you have the cash to close it or his is gifting it to you in writing..... Bad idea.. I am renting even though I could probably buy cheaper because I need to figure out what I can afford and where I want to live.

My 1st XH paid good for several years (before he remarried.) Then I had to go to court for years to get anything which cost us both lots of money. I bought a house a year after our divorce on my income only because that was all I could count on.....

This time it was all such a shock so I am still trying to figure stuff out a year later. Our CS is based on our incomes, insurance, daycare and time spent with each parent. DD2 has lots of medical stuff that we split 50/50. I make more than him but I have her more so I get $500 a month. So far he has been good but we will see how the next 10 years go.

Go talk to someone that knows what you can and can not do. Instead of Spousal Support think about taking a seetlement in a lump some so you do not have to pay taxes on it. Good Luck.

[hocus2]

I've haven't been through this but when I knew folks who divorced with a SAH situation the support was set up so that she had 5 or so years to get her career back. So in the first 12 months post divorce it was expeced that she earned nothing and then each year she was expected to earn more and more and her suport decreased. She had a JD and had practiced law for a long period before having children so she was certainly capable of finding work at the time (this was before the legal market got so bad).

Overall though I think that some plans you had may change which ok. There are other single parents and dual income parents that make things work. There are programs that are designed for working families with extended hours. There are college students who will do pick ups. You could certainly start thinking about the costs of working which are real (increased childcare, clothing, commuting etc) and be sure to factor that into your plans. There is a single mom in our pre-k. She gets by with sitters and the help of neighbors.

[1confused1]

Jun 20, 2016 22:37:48 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Our joint home is on the market now - has been on for almost 2 weeks.

I am in contract on a new house in a nearby town. STBX is having to apply for the mortgage for me and he is cooperating with that so far. I know he is freaking out about the possibility of this house selling and him being homeless, but based on how many showings we're getting my guess is that he has some time before that happens and would be able to get into contract on a new house in plenty of time before this place closed.

I don't understand this.  So you are selling the house you own together and then are buying a house where he is going to be on the mortgage?  This is a really, really bad idea.

You need to get an attorney asap.  They will help you with all of this.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jun 21, 2016 13:37:25 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Jun 20, 2016 22:37:48 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Our joint home is on the market now - has been on for almost 2 weeks.

I am in contract on a new house in a nearby town. STBX is having to apply for the mortgage for me and he is cooperating with that so far. I know he is freaking out about the possibility of this house selling and him being homeless, but based on how many showings we're getting my guess is that he has some time before that happens and would be able to get into contract on a new house in plenty of time before this place closed.

I don't understand this.  So you are selling the house you own together and then are buying a house where he is going to be on the mortgage?  This is a really, really bad idea.

You need to get an attorney asap.  They will help you with all of this.

this makes 2 of us ... no matter which way you look at it, it's a REALLY BAD idea :/

[statlerwaldorf]

Each state can be different. I was a SAH spouse, but I had to get a job. My exh did not make enough to pay both alimony and child support. Sometimes the court will order a test to see how employable you are. When my ex was not working, he didn't get out of paying his part of the child support. They based his share off what amount they deemed him capable of making.

Child support in my state is calculated as a certain percentage of income after you combine both incomes. Then they take into account any difference in income as a percentage of that. Say 40 percent and 60 percent if one person has a higher salary. The noncustodial parent pays the custodial parent the amount they are calculated to pay. It is assumed the custodial parent will spend their calculated amount on the children.

The noncustodial parent is typically ordered to pay for health insurance and my exh would get a credit for that if he provided it. Since he does not, part of his child support amount goes to the state. The credit is only for the difference for the kids and not the whole premium.

I have two other kids I support, so I get a credit for them. I pay all daycare expenses, so I get a credit for that too.

Out of pocket medical expenses are not included in child support. They are split based on the 40/60 example. Extracurricular activities are not included and are split 50/50 up to $500 per child.

[themoneytree]

I will pay off the house when this place sells so I won't have a mortgage on it at all. I just need to afford the (low) taxes and utilities.

We are putting in writing that the house will be mine only and he will sign over to me. I'm not too terribly concerned about it although perhaps I should be more so.

I made an appointment this morning to go next week and get advice. We'll see what they say.

[ladyk]

Jun 21, 2016 16:39:23 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I will pay off the house when this place sells so I won't have a mortgage on it at all. I just need to afford the (low) taxes and utilities.

Don't forget about homeowners insurance, maintenance, etc. 

[themoneytree]

Jun 22, 2016 10:32:56 GMT -5 ladyk said:

Jun 21, 2016 16:39:23 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I will pay off the house when this place sells so I won't have a mortgage on it at all. I just need to afford the (low) taxes and utilities.

Don't forget about homeowners insurance, maintenance, etc. 

Yes. Thanks.

[sunshineluv]

Jun 21, 2016 16:39:23 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I will pay off the house when this place sells so I won't have a mortgage on it at all. I just need to afford the (low) taxes and utilities.

We are putting in writing that the house will be mine only and he will sign over to me. I'm not too terribly concerned about it although perhaps I should be more so.

I made an appointment this morning to go next week and get advice. We'll see what they say.

When you say you are putting it in writing, do you mean legally? This has red flags written all over it to me.

I am worried that he is running this show, and that you will not be as protected as you should be. I hope you can get some legal advice.

[themoneytree]

Jun 22, 2016 14:03:03 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

Jun 21, 2016 16:39:23 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

I will pay off the house when this place sells so I won't have a mortgage on it at all. I just need to afford the (low) taxes and utilities.

We are putting in writing that the house will be mine only and he will sign over to me. I'm not too terribly concerned about it although perhaps I should be more so.

I made an appointment this morning to go next week and get advice. We'll see what they say.

When you say you are putting it in writing, do you mean legally? This has red flags written all over it to me.

I am worried that he is running this show, and that you will not be as protected as you should be. I hope you can get some legal advice.

I am honestly just not expressing myself well.
He's really not running the show exactly. He has opinions on things, but I really am looking into the legalities now. My appointment with the attorney is next Tuesday morning at 10 so I should know a lot more then.

I'm really the one pushing getting facts. STBX doesn't want to be married to me but is also terrified of finding out how this will all work.
Now that I've come to terms with the split I really want to know the facts. So we're coming at this from two different places.
I just want to keep it civil and work together as much as possible.
He's already verbally agreed to let me keep the money I brought into the marriage (I had a lot more than him), so now I need to get that in writing and the house stuff in writing. I'm going to start that process on Tuesday.
I just want to know what I'll be entitled to child support and alimony wise. It would make me feel so much more confident to know. H feels the reverse so he doesn't like me looking into it.

[dragon's breath]

Alimony could go either way. Child support is usually more "set" once defined incomes and custody agreements are known.

I would guess you will need to start working though. At least here, if a SAH spouse is able to work, they will be expected to get a job. However, there is one shark of a lawyer who managed to get a coworker's ex-wife $3k in alimony (most of what he brings home now that overtime is capped), and he couldn't get it reduced even after she was prosecuted for selling meth. So, really, alimony could be anything!

[dragon's breath]

As for the application/mortgage on a new house, bad, bad idea (imo). If you have the money to pay off a new house after yours sells, I'd just wait until the new one is sold and go buy the house. There are 1001 ways things could go wrong if his name is attached to the new house at all (he could demand half of the current house + half the value of the new house as just one quick example).

[momof2ms]

A lawyer will tell you what you are entitled to and how much. Alimony and Child support are different. On top of that there are "add-on" expenses that CS isn't supposed to cover, one is daycare, at-least in my state.

I'm so nervous that your H is telling you whats cheaper for him vs. what you are due. My lawyer has been absolutely wonderful and we have what i would call an amicable divorce. She is not horribly expensive either. GL! hopefully you'll get some good answers soon.

[themoneytree]

Thanks for all the responses.

I will say that the new house closes in less than a week so no way of stopping it now. I realize I sound naive as all get out, but I don't not think he will screw me over on the house. I hope you all don't get the chance to say 'I told you so.'

What your comments have pushed me to do is not to just take his word for all of this. I'll take all the info on Tuesday and ask her to write it up in a way that protects me as much as possible under the circumstances.

Please keep your fingers crossed that our house sells. Homes in our price range take a while and I would prefer not to wait tooooooo long. I really want to move out asap.