::udscoobychick:: and others that dated older guys

[heavenly]

I know this has been talked about on here before but I didn't really pay attention before as I wasn't open to the idea until now.

What are the pros and cons of dating an older man? I mean by at least by 10-15 years...

I think I might be open to that idea based on how interactive and well we communicate each other but just not sure if I am wanting to open that door yet.

I don't want to start any relationships if I know it will only work short term.

[Deleted]

I at one time dated someone 22 years older (I was 26 he was 48).

He was more mature then men my age which I liked. And since I am more of a homebody and have never been the go out a party every night type we were on the same page there.

I also like older men because they usually are either done having child or are past the point in their life where they want them. Since I don't want them it is a non-issue like it has been with men my age.

However, he had a hard time keeping up with me in bed. He also refused to take pills for said issue so it was never going to work out in the long run as I am a bit of a nymph.

It also wasn't uncommon for people who didn't know us to refer to him as my dad which led to terrible akwardness for all parties involved.

It's hard to have "couples" friends. As I found his friends too old and boring (I actually had one ask me if I play shuffle board. I mean come on you are in your 40s not your 80s).

[farfalla2011]

BF is actually almost 10 years older than me. I love that he is so much more mature and stable compared to boys my age. But, on the other hand, even though he is that much older, he is very active and enjoys life - he doesn't act old.

I think the biggest thing you have to keep in mind is what type of life you both want to live and whether your ideas of that life match up. I truly believe that really age is just a number, its more about the character of the person and if there is an attraction there. I have actually always been told that I'm more of an "old soul" which is probably why older has always been more in my comfort zone. Even several of my friends are generally 15-20 years older than I am.

[heavenly]

May 17, 2012 14:24:32 GMT -5 farfalla2011 said:

I think the biggest thing you have to keep in mind is what type of life you both want to live and whether your ideas of that life match up. I truly believe that really age is just a number, its more about the character of the person and if there is an attraction there.

Thanks for you comments, the above parts you mentioned is what I was looking at with him. He has been checking in with me often, very attentive with good listening skills and super friendly. I don't quite know how much older he is but I actully think he might just look older than he really is because of his grey hairs. He is very active in sports and has been around me quite often via being my softball team, small groups(bible study) and at church. I will continue to thead carefully and just pay attention to his character and intents.

[lovelybb]

D is 12 years older than me. I love the fact that he has so much life experience and I have learned a lot from his wisdom and patience. I've always been ambivalent about kids, he has three and is done having them so I get the benefit of enjoying them w/o having to actually raise them .

PP was right about sharing the same life goals... in six years, his youngest will be in college so he'll really begin focusing on retirement and what he wants to do and fortunately we're both on the same page. TRAVEL. A LOT.

The sex is great too Our age difference really isn't an issue, we laugh about it when certain things are brought to light like the fact that his oldest son was born the year I graduated high school. He has a very young spirit to him and I've always had older friends, so we gel VERY well together. I couldn't be happier. Give him a chance!

[StinkyIckyFeet]

So I'm all for dating someoone older, my parents are 10 years apart and so are my IL (they're actually 14 years). My only hesitation is seeing these couple in their later years, the age difference is REALLY apparent now. The younger spouses are really held back in many ways by the natural limitations of their respective spouse. I know it's something that they really didn't understand until they were there, if that makes sense.

[udscoobychick]

(This turned into a bit of a novel--sorry!!!) Believe it or not, despite our considerable age difference, BF and I have never been mistaken for father and daughter. I think it depends on the personalities involved. Things to think about:

• Does he want (more) kids? A big plus for me is that BF is done having kids (I don't want any). He's family-oriented, which is important to me, but doesn't want any more kids (and his are grown, so I won't need to be a mother figure).
  
• How does his energy level compare to yours? Thankfully, BF and I are well-matched--we are both busy people! We dance several nights a week, go out with friends, etc. We usually have jam-packed weekends about 3/4 of the time (ex. movie night, a play, going out for drinks with friends, a full-day class, and brunch with friends all happening this weekend), and then one weekend a month to relax and take it easy. We are both pretty active and are in good shape! But if he likes to relax at home a lot, while you like hitting the town with your friends as frequently as possible, it will be a problem!
  
• Potential bedroom issues. BF has never had any issues performing, and he wants it just as often, if not more frequently, than me, so I've been lucky here! Even so, this is something that we have very open communication about, given that he will likely start to have issues with it a few years down the line (hopefully later rather than sooner!).
  
• Do you have a lot of common interests? PP's example with shuffleboard illustrates that. BF and I both enjoy watching movies, dancing, going wine tasting, going for a walk, playing Rock Band, listening to music, and doing any number of other things together. If he likes to play bridge but you want to go dancing at a club, it's not going to work.
  
• How literate are you on pop culture from his generation? I think that often really makes the age difference stand out--when one person makes pop culture references that the other just does not get.
  
• How old do you both look/act? I struggled with putting this one on the list because it can be tough to accurately describe yourself. I look my age (I get carded frequently), but I've always been an "old soul"...many of my friends are older than me, and people often guess that I'm ~5 years older than I actually am based on interactions with me. Conversely, BF looks young, and because of that and the fact that he is so energetic, people often guess that he's 10-15 years younger than he actually is. This makes our age difference much less apparent. I know someone who is just a couple years younger than me who is dating someone just a couple years older than BF, but she is REALLY immature, so their age difference is glaringly obvious.

Pros:

• He's well-established in his career, owns his own home, etc., which is really rare for guys closer to my age.
  
• He's very patient, which he chalks up to age/experience.
  
• His house is cleaner than mine, so there's no picking up after him or having to do ALL the housework or anything like that, which can be an issue with guys my age.

Cons:

• I will most likely be a pretty young widow.
  
• Your parents or his parents might not approve (mine don't).
  
• If he has kids, they might not be so accepting of your relationship.

[heavenly]

Thank you ladies for all of your insightful feedback.

I think what I am struggling with the most is that I am looking for relationship with who can meet all of my needs as well as I can meet all of his needs. What is holding me back is that I have been married twice. My last marriage was good but it was not enough for my ex but it did not turn me jaded as I do believe that a relationship between man and a women is beautiful. I just have a bad thought of being widowed too soon because I really want a lasting relationship until I die lol! But at the same time, I do want to be with someone with a beautiful spirit. I guess there is truely risks in everything we decide upon.

[StormyDixon]

I dated someone 20 years older and 18 years younger, both were great guys but I wasn't at a time in my life where I didn't want to get married

[udscoobychick]

May 17, 2012 16:26:41 GMT -5 heavenly said:

Thank you ladies for all of your insightful feedback.

I think what I am struggling with the most is that I am looking for relationship with who can meet all of my needs as well as I can meet all of his needs. What is holding me back is that I have been married twice. My last marriage was good but it was not enough for my ex but it did not turn me jaded as I do believe that a relationship between man and a women is beautiful. I just have a bad thought of being widowed too soon because I really want a lasting relationship until I die lol! But at the same time, I do want to be with someone with a beautiful spirit. I guess there is truely risks in everything we decide upon.

The bolded part is very true. And while, as I said, I'll likely be a young widow, I could be involved in a fatal car accident tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life for any of us. Just because I will never hit a 50-yr anniversary with BF, it doesn't mean that I can't have a good, long-lasting, healthy, meaningful relationship with him for as long as possible (I'm hoping for 40 years, personally).