I don't even know how to process this

[arielroux]

I just got an email from ExH telling me that he's getting married again.

To the girl he cheated with.

Our divorce has only been final for 6 months.  Hers has been final for even less.

I want to throw up, I'm angry, I'm shaking. I feel like I'd be ok with it if he wasn't marrying the girl he cheated with.  I'm...I don't even know what I am, or what I'm feeling.  We've been split up for a year, but only divorced for 6 months.  Six months.  I keep saying that like it matters, or something.  How could he be ready to get married again already?  I just don't understand it.  I feel like I've just been punched in the gut.

I'm so much happier now. I'm much better off without him in my life. I have an amazing and wonderful BF. I just...was not expecting this today.

[doglove]

Hugs. I know it's shocking and it hurts. Just remember that no healthy relationship starts from cheating though, so there's that. It seems people move on very quickly when they can't be alone. Not healthy either. You are better off, but I know you know that.

[redshoejune]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I recently found out my x is getting married next month and I was pretty useless for a week. He moved out less than 18 months ago.
The main thing I try to tell myself to get by is "This does not affect me. Nothing in my life is changing due to the fact he's getting married." It doesn't always work.

It makes me feel worthless to be replaced so easily especially since I haven't dated at all and it seems like he "won". And I hate the fact that my kids will officially have a stepmother even though the marriage shouldn't really change anything for them either.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I can imagine the blow

My dad remarried 3 months after the divorce was final to his mistress as well (they had been together for 14 years nearly at that point). To say my mom was crushed, hurt and angry beyond words was an understatement. Remind yourself you're in a much better place w/o him

[doriswe]

Feel the feels, they're yours to feel. But gently remind yourself that you are in a much better place and you're living a genuine life where he and his new wife are living a life built on deception.

[bl]

I am so sorry, but please know your feelings are not out of the realm of normal. Feel them, process, and move on. He is likely not in the right space to be getting married again, but even if he is you are still better off because he was not the right partner for you. If you continue to have trouble processing counseling could be a good option to help you work through it all. Lots of hugs.

[tevagirl]

XH got remarried about 9 months after our divorce was final, to his mistress. At first he told me they were getting married about 4 months after the divorce, but it didn't work out for him to move as soon as he thought it would. At first it bothered me a lot, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I was MUCH happier without him and I didn't want him back anyway, but it definitely took some time before I felt this way.

[arielroux]

Thank you all for your kind words. It really does help, and I appreciate it more than you know.

I will be ok. I'm already feeling a bit better, but man...I was not expecting to get that email this morning. And he sent it to my work email address. Lovely. Because I want to deal with that at work.

[glynn]

My first ex got married 1/1 after our divorce was finalized 12/21..... My kids had meet her the weekend before. Our divorse took 14 months to go through but according to the kids he had only known her for a month. This is still the story and they are grown so should know. My current XH and I divorced 4/12 and I expect this news anyday with one of the two he cheated with.

[bg]

I agree with the others. Feel the feels and remind yourself you're in a much better, healthier place.

[melloyello]

Feel what you need to. I have my suspicion that XH is engaged to the woman he cheated on me with. I'm sad about it, but at the same time, she can have his cheating ass.

[arielroux]

Thanks again, ladies. I'm doing a lot better than I was this morning. I know that my life is better now than it was when we were together. I feel that every day. It was like a weight was lifted once he and I decided to split. And I, in no way at all, would ever want him back. I just cannot wrap my mind around being in a place to re-marry already. This is the man that takes months to decide on which furniture to buy. Yet that quickly he's able to get married again. It's mind blowing.

Oh well. He's not my problem anymore - Which is a huge relief.

[arielroux]

And, as much as I hate that there are others that went through this, it's a bit of a comfort to know I'm not alone. So thank you for sharing your experiences.

[doriswe]

Fwiw, my XH continued a relationship with the woman he was cheating with, for a few years after we divorced. They ended up breaking up after he cheated on her with a coworker (they all still work together). So while he 'moved on' he didn't bother to resolve his issues

[berbles]

Jul 11, 2016 15:19:23 GMT -5 arielroux said:

Thanks again, ladies. I'm doing a lot better than I was this morning. I know that my life is better now than it was when we were together. I feel that every day. It was like a weight was lifted once he and I decided to split. And I, in no way at all, would ever want him back. I just cannot wrap my mind around being in a place to re-marry already. This is the man that takes months to decide on which furniture to buy. Yet that quickly he's able to get married again. It's mind blowing.

Oh well. He's not my problem anymore - Which is a huge relief.

He's NOT in a good place, mostly likely. But he's probably co-dependent and can't handle being alone. He hasn't learned anything from the dissolution of your marriage, and will 100% make exactly the same mistakes with the next one.

Remember the old saying: If he cheats WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.

And you get to sit back and enjoy the show, while you actually process and heal from your divorce. Like a healthy adult.

[statlerwaldorf]

Just because he's getting married doesn't mean he's ready to get married. Plus don't men who marry their mistresses have a ridiculously high divorce rate?

Exh moved straight from our home into his mistress's dad's house. I can't imagine they have a healthy relationship. How could you trust someone like that? Good riddance.

[jenstar]

I'm sorry arielroux, I would struggle with that too. And to echo others, I don't think people who move on quickly like that are usually ready, they are just co-dependent and need 'someone' there. My XH realised that the fastest way to get a woman back in his house and taking care of his life was to get her pregnant.. Judging by the fact that he's been single for about 5 minutes since we moved out I doubt he's processed anything that lead to our marriage ending and he's likely to bring all of that into his new relationship at some point. But in the meantime, it's hard to watch.

Hugs to you x

[mrsukyankee]

My ex-Fi was cheating on me and I didn't know it until we split and he got engaged & quickly married 9 months after we broke things off (his mom was a bitch and called my mom to let her know as this was before social media existed). It truly sucked even though I was very happy.

[brooke77]

Ugh, that would sting anyone. Just remember all the reasons why you got divorced. Are you friendly? I'm not sure why he would e-mail to tell you that?

[glitzyglow]

No doubt that would hit hard for a lot of us after such a short time. Just keep focusing on you and your healing/health, and use him as a cautionary tale of what not to do.

[jojoandleo]

Yeah, he isn't ready to get married. He is a moron. While he may be getting married first (and some people may think that is a "win")YOU are the real winner here. You got rid of the cheating scumbag and are taking the time to be happy and healthy before starting a relationship. So, while he will be on his third or forth marriage, making the same mistakes over and over again, you will be happy and ACTUALLY moved on/learning from your mistakes.

Homegirl will never fully trust him. Every time he is late, or doesn't answer her call, or ends a call without answering in her presence she will be thinking "is it some other woman?" That shit is NOT winning. And he will constantly be having to cover his ass and argue with his new wife to try and get her to trust him. Even if he DOESN'T cheat (unlikely). That is not winning.

[arielroux]

Jul 12, 2016 10:51:51 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Ugh, that would sting anyone. Just remember all the reasons why you got divorced. Are you friendly? I'm not sure why he would e-mail to tell you that?

He says he wanted me to hear it from him instead of from someone else (we still have mutual friends). He said he thought he was "doing the right thing."  Lol - Doing the right that hasn't really been his strong point in a long time.

I wondered if it was ME getting married again already if I would have told him, and I couldn't decide what I would do. So, maybe he did think he was doing the right thing, but I don't really know.

We were on decent terms - Able to have a conversation and see each other without it devolving into hysterics or drama.  Definitely civil, I'd say possibly even on the verge of friendly.  But I've realized that having him even remotely involved in my life will just hold me back from completely moving on, so now I just really want nothing to do with him anymore. 

[arielroux]

Jul 12, 2016 13:49:04 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Yeah, he isn't ready to get married. He is a moron. While he may be getting married first (and some people may think that is a "win")YOU are the real winner here. You got rid of the cheating scumbag and are taking the time to be happy and healthy before starting a relationship. So, while he will be on his third or forth marriage, making the same mistakes over and over again, you will be happy and ACTUALLY moved on/learning from your mistakes.

Homegirl will never fully trust him. Every time he is late, or doesn't answer her call, or ends a call without answering in her presence she will be thinking "is it some other woman?" That shit is NOT winning. And he will constantly be having to cover his ass and argue with his new wife to try and get her to trust him. Even if he DOESN'T cheat (unlikely). That is not winning.

Well, homegirl cheated too. They were both married when they met, so...Yeah.  They're in the same boat on that one.

They met at work while she was a consultant on one of his projects. I definitely agree that the circumstances surrounding how they met will become an issue for them down the line.  He accused me of cheating on him with people from work for YEARS.  Every happy hour, every work-related event, every work trip...He would freak out.  It was one of his biggest insecurities in our marriage (and this was waaaaaay before he even met her, and his whole situation came about).  He constantly thought I was cheating.  I highly doubt that insecurity disappeared overnight.  Have fun with that, girlfriend.  He's your issue now.

[jojoandleo]

Jul 12, 2016 14:25:17 GMT -5 arielroux said:

Jul 12, 2016 13:49:04 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Yeah, he isn't ready to get married. He is a moron. While he may be getting married first (and some people may think that is a "win")YOU are the real winner here. You got rid of the cheating scumbag and are taking the time to be happy and healthy before starting a relationship. So, while he will be on his third or forth marriage, making the same mistakes over and over again, you will be happy and ACTUALLY moved on/learning from your mistakes.

Homegirl will never fully trust him. Every time he is late, or doesn't answer her call, or ends a call without answering in her presence she will be thinking "is it some other woman?" That shit is NOT winning. And he will constantly be having to cover his ass and argue with his new wife to try and get her to trust him. Even if he DOESN'T cheat (unlikely). That is not winning.

Well, homegirl cheated too. They were both married when they met, so...Yeah.  They're in the same boat on that one.

They met at work while she was a consultant on one of his projects. I definitely agree that the circumstances surrounding how they met will become an issue for them down the line.  He accused me of cheating on him with people from work for YEARS.  Every happy hour, every work-related event, every work trip...He would freak out.  It was one of his biggest insecurities in our marriage (and this was waaaaaay before he even met her, and his whole situation came about).  He constantly thought I was cheating.  I highly doubt that insecurity disappeared overnight.  Have fun with that, girlfriend.  He's your issue now.

Yeah, that does not sound like winning.  Although, accusing your SO of cheating is a common play in the cheater playbook.  Sounds like their marriage will be a raucous game of "WHO THE FUCK WERE YOU AT LUNCH WITH!?!"

[Deleted]

I haven't talked to my ex-husband in years and I'm unsure where he lives now (he's military... or was. and I move around for work). Unless you live in a small ass town he's just trying to rub it in your face. My ex and I have mutual friends on facebook. it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to hear it from friends. I feel like this manipulation tactic. He's just being a fuckface.

[brooke77]

Jul 12, 2016 14:20:23 GMT -5 arielroux said:

Jul 12, 2016 10:51:51 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

Ugh, that would sting anyone. Just remember all the reasons why you got divorced. Are you friendly? I'm not sure why he would e-mail to tell you that?

He says he wanted me to hear it from him instead of from someone else (we still have mutual friends). He said he thought he was "doing the right thing."  Lol - Doing the right that hasn't really been his strong point in a long time.

I wondered if it was ME getting married again already if I would have told him, and I couldn't decide what I would do. So, maybe he did think he was doing the right thing, but I don't really know.

We were on decent terms - Able to have a conversation and see each other without it devolving into hysterics or drama.  Definitely civil, I'd say possibly even on the verge of friendly.  But I've realized that having him even remotely involved in my life will just hold me back from completely moving on, so now I just really want nothing to do with him anymore. 

You're so right! I was trying to be civil/friendly with my ex, but I realized I didn't want to anymore. I am happier not knowing what is going on with his life. I hope you will be too.

[berbles]

Jul 12, 2016 13:49:04 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Yeah, he isn't ready to get married. He is a moron. While he may be getting married first (and some people may think that is a "win")YOU are the real winner here. You got rid of the cheating scumbag and are taking the time to be happy and healthy before starting a relationship. So, while he will be on his third or forth marriage, making the same mistakes over and over again, you will be happy and ACTUALLY moved on/learning from your mistakes.

Homegirl will never fully trust him. Every time he is late, or doesn't answer her call, or ends a call without answering in her presence she will be thinking "is it some other woman?" That shit is NOT winning. And he will constantly be having to cover his ass and argue with his new wife to try and get her to trust him. Even if he DOESN'T cheat (unlikely). That is not winning.

[jenstar]

He probably thinks that getting married = locking her down so she won't cheat on him or leave him.. Good luck with that dude..