Custody Thoughts?

[carowen]

STBXH has expressed significant interest in 50-50 parenting time, mainly to reduce his child support obligation but whatever. The kids are 2/5yrs, so fairly young and I agree that frequent contact will be in their best interest so I'm fine with that idea. My concern is keeping important papers from getting lost in the shuffle, lunch boxes, etc.

We were thinking every other weekend, and Dad have overnights every Wednesday and one Monday/month (I have work obligation the second Monday of every month). Holidays would be divided up odd/even years, and each get a full week over Christmas and in the summer for vacation time.

Reasonable? How do you manage custody of school-aged kids and younger?

[doriswe]

Do YOU think it's reasonable?

I don't know what sort of important papers kids would be shuttling back and forth. Most school stuff was sent home in a backpack and an email went out asking for it back, so both of us knew it was there.

Do you guys live close enough it's not a pain for school days? Do you have a plan for days off from school?

[carowen]

We are still co-habitating, he plans to move out to his parent's house temporarily but we're sorting out the details and he's hesitant to leave because someone told him that meant he'd lose the kids??? I was like, ummmm, no. Anyhow, his folks live 15-20mins from our house (I intend to buy him out of the house) and they are actually close to the daycare/pre-school we use too.

[carowen]

I guess my worry boils down to balancing the number of transitions for the kids with their need for frequent contact with both parents.

[doriswe]

Kids are pretty resilient. I've seen a lot of really different schedules and all of the kids involved manage to get it down in a quick hurry.

[glynn]

with my older kids who know are adults he only got them every other weekend and I did not have to deal with school stuff with them so it was great.

With DD2 he gets her every other weekend and every Wednesday. To be honest it sucks with all the papers that go back and forth that need to be signed ot done something about. She is also on meds than I can on get 30 days worth at a time and that sucks worse trying to juggle. We start in Jan and I was glad when May got here. XH never took care of stuff and still does not to this day. Maybe yours will be better.

[heywhat]

Lots of people like the 2-2-3 plan. I hate it. There are so many transitions (returning of clothes, etc) and there is no consistency. Good luck trying to plan an activity that is always on Wednesdays.

Your schedule sounds better with keeping more of the days consistent. I want to move to a 5-5-2-2 once he starts school. That keeps days consistent (M&T are always at the same house).

Examples here:
www.custodyxchange.com/examples/schedules/50-50/

[sweetchix]

Jul 13, 2016 12:40:37 GMT -5 heywhat said:

Lots of people like the 2-2-3 plan. I hate it. There are so many transitions (returning of clothes, etc) and there is no consistency. Good luck trying to plan an activity that is always on Wednesdays.

We do the 2-2-3 schedule and love it. There are no long periods between seeing either parent. We share responsibilities such as gymnastics and swim class. XH lives outside DDs' school district so on his days he has to drive them and pick them up. I thought he'd want to change custody up once they both were in school because I thought it would be too difficult for him to get them ready and to school on time, especially in the winter. He's gotten them in late a couple of times, but in 2 years that's not bad. We don't have issues with transition days/times. DDs know he schedule and where they were going every day after school. I created a dismissal spreadsheet and gave that to both teachers as well as the after school program. We don't have issues with paperwork either. Their teachers provide 2 sets of important papers and we take pictures and send to each other things like field trip info/permission slips. It works out.

[statlerwaldorf]

What you are describing sounds very similar to the standard parenting agreement in my state. I would look up the standard parenting agreement in your state to split up the holidays and summer vacation.

Also child support isn't automatically calculated based on parenting time. In my state, it's based on who is considered the custodial parent. The non custodial parent can ask for a reduction, but it's not guaranteed or part of the calculator most judges use to determined to child support.

[housewife]

XH and I are very civil, so I think it plays a lot into important information being communicated to each other. I have the kids Friday - Monday and he has them Tues-Thursday. If something comes home from school Monday that is due Wednesday, I just let him know. We each have lunch boxes for the kids and they just kind of rotate between houses.

[dancelnow]

We switch off by week with a midweek overnight. So for lunch box for example, ex would use my box to send back to school after his overnight. The biggest was keeping a balance of dress/play clothes since our swap is Sunday's and sometimes he's dressed up and others not.

We each deal with papers as they come home. Make copies of all really important stuff.

[dancelnow]

Every other weekend and an overnight is no where close to 50-50 though.

[carowen]

The reason for him to do m/w is because I have work obligations on those evenings once per month. While I like the idea of a 2-2-3 schedule it'd be hard to always have the days changing.

I just worry about one night my place, then dads, then mine, etc. but I guess they'd get used to the routine and it'd be very consistent overall.

I very much agree that more parenting time is the best way to go, and am trying to balance that with work schedules and keeping some consistency for the kids.

[carowen]

@32flavors I'll look at that and see if it might make more sense than on/off schedule.

[sacattack]

I divorced when DD was 1 and DS was 3. At that point we did EOW - Saturday morning to Sunday night and Tuesday nights. As they got older my ex got more and more time. It allowed me to ease into it and also it allowed him to get more accustomed to caring for the kids.

Now at 7 and 9 they still go to their dads midweek and EOW, but it starts Friday after school and goes till Monday when school starts.

We text A LOT! I take pictures of things and send them over as soon as I clean out their backpacks. As for clothing we switch back about once a week, while current H and his ex just have the kids wear whatever is left at their houses.

[sweetchix]

Jul 13, 2016 20:41:37 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Jul 13, 2016 18:57:46 GMT -5 carowen said:

The reason for him to do m/w is because I have work obligations on those evenings once per month. While I like the idea of a 2-2-3 schedule it'd be hard to always have the days changing.

I just worry about one night my place, then dads, then mine, etc. but I guess they'd get used to the routine and it'd be very consistent overall.

I very much agree that more parenting time is the best way to go, and am trying to balance that with work schedules and keeping some consistency for the kids.

The 223 schedule works so they are with one of us for five days straight each week. You would only need to swap the days once a month so it shouldn't be too much trouble, if that's what works for you guys. Or once a month you get a sitter while you work later.

How do you end up with 5 days straight? This is how our 2/2/3 works:

Week 1 (transition time is at 3 or after work)
Mon: XH/me (pickup after work)
Tues: me
Wed: me/XH (pickup after work)
Thurs: XH
Fri: XH/me (pickup after work)
Sat: me
Sun: me

Week 2
Mon: me/XH (pickup after work)
Tues: XH
Wed: XH/me (pickup after work)
Thurs: me
Fri: me/XH (pickup after work)
Sat: XH
Sun: XH

Yes, there are 3 transitions per week, but it works for us. I'm actually surprised it works as well as it does. For now. Once DDs are older they may want to hang out with friends after school more often so we may need to rearrange a bit, but we'll cross that bridge of and when we get to it.

[sweetchix]

Jul 14, 2016 20:12:42 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

sweetchix I think misunderstood that arrangement. Xh has the kids every Monday and Tuesday, I have every Wednesday Thursday and we alternate three day weekends. 2/2/3 It works for us.

Oh, I gotcha! We were going to do that but decided against it because of the long stretch. I do like how your weekdays are set though.

[melloyello]

DS is only 2. XH has him overnight every Monday and Wednesday. Then every other Friday overnight until 4pm Saturday. He wasn't really involved with DS when we were together. He was only talking him once a week in the beginning. Then twice a week. He's still not consistent on the every other Friday, which kind of sucks because I'd love to have a weekend day to sleep in.