Those with shared custody..

[jenstar]

This board is a bit dead so I thought I'd add my random question.. For those of you who share custody, do you and your ex always do the drop off/handover yourself (assuming it's not just done after school/daycare etc)? Or if you have a partner or your ex has a new partner, do they handle them sometimes?

In my case we have always done them except for once when xh went overseas as his gf dropped DS after the airport run and a couple of times I have dropped DS off at his house and only his gf has been home, like yesterday.

I feel a bit weird about her picking him up or dropping him off with only her (I trust her, I just feel weird, I dunno).. But I wonder if this is a common thing and I just never thought about it before?

[jellymankelly]

We always do them ourselves. I'm sure at some point I'll end up having to drop them off with his GF or he'll end up picking up from my H, but for now, we schedule the swaps around when we are able to do them ourselves. I never really thought about it, but I think I'd feel weird about it. I don't love sending the kids off for the weekend anyway, so that probably contributes to my feelings.

[dancelnow]

At some point I assume I'll have a long term significant other or husband that may do it and same for ex. At that point I definitely think there will be times he does it instead of me, or would be the one home to receive. I don't see what the big deal is with that.

Now newish dating partner? I wouldn't be so comfortable with that. But I trust that neither of us is going to date someone who can't be trusted with our kid and we won't introduce them to our kid until we know them well.

[sacattack]

At first it was always us, but overtime as both of us have been with our significant others this has changed. Although when I really think about it, its mostly me dropping DH kids off to their mom and me dropping my kids off with my ex-H GF. I totally get that it is weird at first, but after a while it just becomes the new normal.

[heywhat]

Right now the new partners do not. But, I expect that if I get remarried then it will happen eventually. (We do not currently live together, so that is probably a big factor)

[melloyello]

It's always been me and XH. There was once when I went to his house to drop DS off and he wasn't home yet. Instead of sitting in the car, we went in the backyard to play on his slide. I didn't realize his gf was there and she came outside and invited us in. DS went in, so I felt obligated to go in and wait for him to get home. But given she doesn't have a car, I'm going to assume it will more often than not be XH

[sweetchix]

Neither of us have an SO (none that he or DDs have mentioned yet) so it's us or the grandparents who do pickups. I can see how it would feel weird if the SO were involved.

[glynn]

It happens. The worse is when XH got violent with me once out of the blue. I had to have someone willing to make the 2 hour journey with me for years to keep him in check. He is a cop and carries a gun at all times....

[redshoejune]

Most of our exchanges are at school/daycare. Once every two weeks I pick up from him. His fiance doesn't want to meet me so I expect it won't be an issue for some time.

[Deleted]

My brother and his XW have it in their agreement that pick up by a significant other has to be approved by the parent dropping off. My brother's wife is an alcoholic and she also abuses pills. So my X-sil has nixed the kids ever riding in the car with her. My brother's new wife (the alcoholic) had a car accident while 8 weeks pregnant, with her 4 yr old in the car and she blew a .24 at 11 am on her way to work at a daycare. She lost her license and job after that. So, it's reasonable.

[LoveBug]

Jul 18, 2016 11:20:08 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Most of our exchanges are at school/daycare. Once every two weeks I pick up from him. His fiance doesn't want to meet me so I expect it won't be an issue for some time.

Wait, why doesn't she want to meet you?

[jenstar]

Jul 18, 2016 11:38:57 GMT -5 @lemonlover said:

My brother and his XW have it in their agreement that pick up by a significant other has to be approved by the parent dropping off. My brother's wife is an alcoholic and she also abuses pills. So my X-sil has nixed the kids ever riding in the car with her. My brother's new wife (the alcoholic) had a car accident while 8 weeks pregnant, with her 4 yr old in the car and she blew a .24 at 11 am on her way to work at a daycare. She lost her license and job after that. So, it's reasonable.

Holy crap!

[jenstar]

Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who would feel weird about it. I think it's most likely just because she hasn't been around that long (they only met in like November) and he didn't really wait any time at all to introduce her to DS. It all feels kind of artificial to me. I think DS likes her well enough but he didn't want me to leave when I dropped him on Sunday, so maybe not as much as I thought..

Now she's finished up work so I am kind of expecting XH to start palming off as much to her as he can which annoys me.

[redshoejune]

Jul 18, 2016 16:38:35 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

Jul 18, 2016 11:20:08 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Most of our exchanges are at school/daycare. Once every two weeks I pick up from him. His fiance doesn't want to meet me so I expect it won't be an issue for some time.

Wait, why doesn't she want to meet you?

Oh who knows for sure. I posted about it before when I was freaking out but since I can't do anything about it I'm trying to let it go.

[tevagirl]

Nope nope nope. XH and his new wife live 10 hours from me, and I don't trust her. I trust XH with DD, but not for anything else. We each drive halfway for drop offs/pick ups. I will not drop DD with anyone but her dad. Maybe if it was a quick ride, but it's 4-5 hours in the car with each of us.

[stephreloaded]

Neither the ex or me have significant others. I think if I trust the person doing the drop off/pick up, I would just think that they are sending the person based on convenience.

Since we are international, I have only sent my mom to pick DD up. He always does it himself.

[LoveBug]

Jul 20, 2016 21:27:09 GMT -5 tevagirl said:

Nope nope nope. XH and his new wife live 10 hours from me, and I don't trust her. I trust XH with DD, but not for anything else. We each drive halfway for drop offs/pick ups. I will not drop DD with anyone but her dad. Maybe if it was a quick ride, but it's 4-5 hours in the car with each of us.

Ugh that is so far away. How often does he see her?

[tevagirl]

Jul 21, 2016 17:13:17 GMT -5 LoveBug said:

Jul 20, 2016 21:27:09 GMT -5 tevagirl said:

Nope nope nope. XH and his new wife live 10 hours from me, and I don't trust her. I trust XH with DD, but not for anything else. We each drive halfway for drop offs/pick ups. I will not drop DD with anyone but her dad. Maybe if it was a quick ride, but it's 4-5 hours in the car with each of us.

Ugh that is so far away. How often does he see her?

DD (3) goes for a week every couple of months. She went in June and she's going again next week.

[somersault72]

FI picks up DS occasionally, maybe 15% of the time. He is often with me when I do pick up/drop off. FI didn't start doing drop offs until we'd been together a year or so. My ex isn't seriously dating anyone.