*poppet*

[poppet]

You guys are so sweet! Sorry about my crazy rant...hormones & stress have taken me over the edge!

My main issue has just been with the lack of help or support. Before DH left the few people we knew (mostly people in his unit) talked a big talk about making sure I had help with DD when I needed it (I'm a SAHM) but as soon as he left they all disappeared. I've called a few times to see if I could get someone to watch her for a few hours so I could go to the midwife (I was having a bleeding issue) or do my driving test (I didn't realize my out of state license expired right after DH left so I have to do the written/driving part...ugh!). Everyone bailed and pretty much gave me a "oh poor you" response. The only babysitter we had left for college so that is out.

I've called the Key Spouse group and the Family Readiness Office looking for help but was told that DHs "home" base does not offer drop-in childcare and they have a huge wait list for part-time care. The other base in town (where DH actually works & we live closer to) does have drop-in care but won't allow me to utilize it because it isn't our "assigned" base. No amount of pleading has changed this. Whenever I call asking if there are activities or ANYTHING to help with younger children I'm told that "no, the youngest we offer anything is age 3". Well thanks......I haven't had more than 2hrs apart from DD since DH left and I might honestly lose my damn mind before he gets back!

Then we found out a few weeks ago that our landlord foreclosed on the house we are renting with no notice to us. Came home from a weekend getaway to find an eviction notice on our door. FML. We got a slight extension to the eviction but now I have been running around like crazy finding a new place to live and arranging the move (luckily the military will pay for the move thanks to the Renter's Protection Act!!!). You can only imagine how much fun it has been to get military orders written out to me for the move with my DH deployed. I have never been to so many offices in my life! Now I get to look forward to unpacking and arranging everything at 30wks pregnant! Once again the people in DHs unit have not offered help and gave me another "oh poor you".

The best part was when I called asking if anyone could be a go-to person if I go into labor and need help getting to the hospital (and to watch DD until a friend can get here from her house 1.5hr away). It has been 3 wks and so far no one has offered. Assholes.

(and we just found out that they extended DHs deployment by almost a month.....which means he will not make it back for the birth. Great)

I just want to drink! Stupid pregnancy! :-( The one bright light in all of this is DD and I are headed to Europe next week to meet up with my BFF for some fun. It was supposed to be a girls only 30th bday trip but then DH got his orders so DD is tagging along! Hopefully this will hit the "reset" button on my sanity!

[basilosaurus]

Wow. I'd be a wreck with all that, too!

I don't know where you are, but what about calling non-mil daycares? Is there a MOPS group near you? They can be a good resource (I hear, I'm childfree).

Can you ask someone specifically to be your go-to labor person? They may not be responding to a general request.

You really do need some help, so don't be ashamed of asking for it. Hopefully someone else can give you other suggestions of who to contact specifically. In my case, I'd feel comfortable reaching out to the commander's spouse to ask (which I've done to get a ride to the hospital before), but that may not be your local dynamics.

[kcd0531]

Holy crapola! Are you stationed in Virginia by chance? I know quite a few ladies that would be more than willing to step up. I hope the asshats get their respective sticks outta their holes and actually put their money where their mouth is.

[poppet]

Sept 6, 2012 13:38:51 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Wow. I'd be a wreck with all that, too!

I don't know where you are, but what about calling non-mil daycares? Is there a MOPS group near you? They can be a good resource (I hear, I'm childfree).

Can you ask someone specifically to be your go-to labor person? They may not be responding to a general request.

You really do need some help, so don't be ashamed of asking for it. Hopefully someone else can give you other suggestions of who to contact specifically. In my case, I'd feel comfortable reaching out to the commander's spouse to ask (which I've done to get a ride to the hospital before), but that may not be your local dynamics.

I was looking into a few MOPS before the whole eviction came down but now I have to start over since we will actually be moving to the opposite side of town (closer to DHs work). I'm going to start searching again as soon as we get back from our trip!

I think the main issue I'm having with people not helping is that I don't know many very well. We had only been here a year when DH left and the few I had met more than 1-2 times PCS'd out right about the same time DH left. I've met most of the people in his unit but only briefly. I was hoping someone (or a few) would volunteer to help if I go into labor that live close to where we are moving.

DHs commander is a single woman so no spouse....and she is already annoyed with me I had to have her sign a form so I could use Space A while DH was deployed for our trip and she refused initially. DH fought back because it really isn't her call and she made me do a HUGE check-off before she would sign the command sponsered letter (things like attend Space A info sessions, show bank statements that we had funds available for tickets if I get stuck......honestly crap she did not have ANY right to require). It took me 4 1/2 months to get that damn piece of paper!

[basilosaurus]

You've been there a year. What are you other non-mil communities? Have you looked for a mom's group through meetup? Are you religious? Is there a non-child related activity you're interested in? You have to be proactive in making friends, even if you're antisocial like I am.

I don't think it's out of line to make sure you're informed on the rules and privileges of space a. Asking for bank statements is overboard, unless she had reason to not believe you'd tell the truth when asked if you had funds. There have been people stranded without funds, and maybe this commander has had to deal with that and is proactively trying to not let it happen again.

[poppet]

Sept 6, 2012 14:09:04 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

You've been there a year. What are you other non-mil communities? Have you looked for a mom's group through meetup? Are you religious? Is there a non-child related activity you're interested in? You have to be proactive in making friends, even if you're antisocial like I am.

I don't think it's out of line to make sure you're informed on the rules and privileges of space a. Asking for bank statements is overboard, unless she had reason to not believe you'd tell the truth when asked if you had funds. There have been people stranded without funds, and maybe this commander has had to deal with that and is proactively trying to not let it happen again.

We have been here a year and I have met a few people non-military but they have really been a let-down support wise (or are dealing with a newborn as two of my friends are so I understand!). Not religious and I joined the military mom club on base but that was a huge drama filled headache (I've posted before a few things that went down to the board's amusement). I know I need to try harder to make friends but it is a short assignment and we should hopefully be out of here in another year so it has just been hard to be active in making friends when you know you are going to leave soon! I'm not anti-social but I am painfully shy until I get to know someone well

I had NO problem with attending the Space-A info session (I was already going to do that) but I was pissed about having to show bank statements. No other spouse has asked to get a sponsored letter from this CO so she didn't really understand how it worked and therefore just didn't want to do it. Even after I completed all her check-off it still took 2 months for her signature. If DHs Major wouldn't have stepped in I honestly don't think I would have gotten it!

It has just been hard figuring crap out since this is my first deployment to go through and I've only done the military spouse thing for a year so I haven't really learned all the ropes DH was enlisted for several years before we met and then got out. He rejoined last year and went to COTs so this is still pretty new to me. Next deployment I will have my stuff figured out much better!!!

[prettyinpink]

Where are you? If you are near us I would be more than happy to watch her. But I feel like you might be on the East coast and we are on the West coast.

[basilosaurus]

I think you need some tough love. You have a lot of stresses, and you certainly have my sympathy, but you need to ask people directly for what you need, not make excuses. You're there for 2 years? Not all that short in the realm of the military. I've yet to hit 2 in one location contiguously.

If you've met a spouse with kids (or mil parent), even just once, call her up and ask for a babysitter rec since you need some time away. If it were me, even if I didn't particularly like you or kids, I'd volunteer myself if I could.

As much negative as I have to say, I don't feel that way about the community helping each other out. I've helped people, and they've helped me, within a month or less of knowing each other. I even had a group of women throw me a bachelorette party after knowing them only 2 months, since I moved and got engaged at the same time and knew no one. Hell, one of them within a couple weeks had me driving her to the hospital for a procedure.

You're new to this, so I get that it's overwhelming, but you're going to have to learn (and embrace) that you won't get the same relationships as you're used to. You quickly accept people, even if they'll never be besties, and call on them when you need it. I don't have a single long term friend from my time in Japan or Korea (and most wouldn't have been my friends if it were "real" life), but I knew I could call on any of them within weeks of meeting them, and years later I still could.

You can do this!

[audette]

Sept 6, 2012 14:31:08 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

Where are you? If you are near us I would be more than happy to watch her. But I feel like you might be on the East coast and we are on the West coast.

Yeah, this. (I'm on the west coast, too, but if that's near you, I'd find the time to give you at least a short break...) That list of everything going on would be enough to make _anyone_ super stressed!

I know it sucks as a last resort, but have you looked at care.com for local babysitters?

[G22]

Id offer to help too if your close, however I don't think anyone is near me on this board.

[pennylane]

I have given this link to spouses in our squadron, maybe you could find a sitter this way?

www.sittercity.com/military-child-care.html

Also, let us know where you are at. Chances are someone on this board is near you and may be willing to help you out. Or know someone who can.

[twoplustwo]

Also Care.com has a military deal where they let you have the full membership for free.

I am sorry that you are having to go through all this.