Helping a newly widowed woman

[awick14]

Sorry if the title is weird I didn't know what to call this post.

One of DHs bffs from high school passed away following a terrible motorcycle accident. (We found out yesterday and the wife took him off life support last night/this morning some time.) He was only 32 years old.

We will be making the trip to the city that he lived in for the funeral when they make plans for it. (4 hrs each way) When we go down I would like something to bring his wife. I don't know her at all and DH knows her a little. (She is very introverted and a quite person)

I know there is a few people on here that are widows so I was hoping for some ideas from them.

[Deleted]

I can't really relate but I'm trying to imagine being in her shoes, impossible really. But I think if he can find an old photo of them, something endearing with a little story behind it to share and give to her as a positive memento? That would mean a lot to me but I know everyone processes death differently so it's hard to say.

[MixedBerryJam]

If you've never met the wife at all, ever, and your H only barely knows her I don't really think a "thing" is the way to go. The gift would have to be generic enough to be pretty meaningless. I think I'd stick with a card with a note maybe mentioning a memory your H and the wife share about her H. Honestly I still cherish some of the notes I got from complete strangers that knew my H in his postdoc days and related a story about that to me.

[awick14]

@mixberryjam, that's why I was asking I don't know her and dh only sorta does. I don't want to do anything to make her upset but I want to do something because I just couldn't imagine being in her shoes.

Maybe a gift card for a local place that delivers in the card?

[MixedBerryJam]

Jul 24, 2016 0:26:42 GMT -5 awick14 said:

@mixberryjam, that's why I was asking I don't know her and dh only sorta does. I don't want to do anything to make her upset but I want to do something because I just couldn't imagine being in her shoes.

Maybe a gift card for a local place that delivers in the card?

I think that's a fine idea. 

[winecat]

Send her an Amazon gift card or send her essentials via Amazon (toilet paper, food, etc.)

[Deleted]

I agree with a card a gift card to someplace local or amazon.

[awick14]

Thanx ladies. I have decided to have dh write in a card about her H and his memories, and we will include a gift card to somewhere. I'm just not sure where yet.

[winecat]

Jul 24, 2016 17:52:27 GMT -5 awick14 said:

Thanx ladies. I have decided to have dh write in a card about her H and his memories, and we will include a gift card to somewhere. I'm just not sure where yet.

I'm not sure if Instacart has a gift card option, but something so that she doesn't have to go out if she doesn't want to? 

If you now when his birthday/their anniversary is, sending a card might be a nice thing.  Let her know that she's not the only one remembering. 

[awick14]

Jul 24, 2016 19:52:24 GMT -5 winecat said:

Jul 24, 2016 17:52:27 GMT -5 awick14 said:

Thanx ladies. I have decided to have dh write in a card about her H and his memories, and we will include a gift card to somewhere. I'm just not sure where yet.

I'm not sure if Instacart has a gift card option, but something so that she doesn't have to go out if she doesn't want to? 

If you now when his birthday/their anniversary is, sending a card might be a nice thing.  Let her know that she's not the only one remembering. 

I have no idea what instacart is but I'll look into it. (I'm in Canada so I don't know if we have that here.)

[winecat]

Jul 24, 2016 20:53:57 GMT -5 awick14 said:

Jul 24, 2016 19:52:24 GMT -5 winecat said:

I'm not sure if Instacart has a gift card option, but something so that she doesn't have to go out if she doesn't want to? 

If you now when his birthday/their anniversary is, sending a card might be a nice thing.  Let her know that she's not the only one remembering. 

I have no idea what instacart is but I'll look into it. (I'm in Canada so I don't know if we have that here.)

It's a grocery delivery service.  From friends who have lost close loved ones suddenly, even getting to the store for toilet paper, tissues, tampons, etc. is hard, not to mention food.

[awick14]

Jul 24, 2016 22:09:34 GMT -5 winecat said:

Jul 24, 2016 20:53:57 GMT -5 awick14 said:

I have no idea what instacart is but I'll look into it. (I'm in Canada so I don't know if we have that here.)

It's a grocery delivery service.  From friends who have lost close loved ones suddenly, even getting to the store for toilet paper, tissues, tampons, etc. is hard, not to mention food.

That's a great idea. I will look into that for sure thanx.

[winecat]

Jul 24, 2016 22:26:00 GMT -5 awick14 said:

Jul 24, 2016 22:09:34 GMT -5 winecat said:

It's a grocery delivery service.  From friends who have lost close loved ones suddenly, even getting to the store for toilet paper, tissues, tampons, etc. is hard, not to mention food.

That's a great idea. I will look into that for sure thanx.

If you don't have it, Amazon should work in Canada? 

[awick14]

Jul 24, 2016 23:44:14 GMT -5 winecat said:

Jul 24, 2016 22:26:00 GMT -5 awick14 said:

That's a great idea. I will look into that for sure thanx.

If you don't have it, Amazon should work in Canada? 

Yep I could do that too.

[ghost]

Lurker here but this book helped me tremendously. My sister gave it to me. Helped me through all the emotions!
www.amazon.com/Angel-Catcher-Journal-Loss-Remembrance/dp/0811861724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469496116&sr=8-1&keywords=angel+catcher

[Deleted]

Gift cards or money. And funny or interesting stories about her DH that your H knows. I liked getting those.

No books or self help anything. Those went straight into the trash for me.