Really nice guy but......

[spedrunner]

Went out on a date w a really sweet guy. The attraction just is not there he s too sweet. I know that we are on different pages with our lives and really do not feel the spark at all

He asked me out for a 2nd date. I have no real reason to say no besides I just don't feel him

How do you handle these situations? Perfectly nice guy but just not into him

[Deleted]

I always say to give it a second date if you're unsure, so that's my vote.

[bg]

If you're really sure you don't feel him I wouldn't go on the second date. But if you're not 100% sure I'd go.

[doglove]

I also always give it a second date, but if you really don't feel a connection - you can just say that. "I had a great time with you, but I don't feel a connection. I wish you luck in your search." That's usually my go-to line if I don't hit it off with someone.

[TR]

If *everything* else was great except for the lack of butterflies, I'd give it another shot. I did and now we're moving to TX together, lol.

The part about different pages with your lives would give me pause. What do you mean?

[Deleted]

Have you read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari? Your post makes me think of his Flo Rida Theory of Acquired Likability Through Increased Exposure. So I'm team second date. Lol.

[spedrunner]

Jul 26, 2016 8:42:16 GMT -5 TR said:

If *everything* else was great except for the lack of butterflies, I'd give it another shot. I did and now we're moving to TX together, lol.

The part about different pages with your lives would give me pause. What do you mean




His job and lifestyle are completely different than mine, which is not necessarily a bad thing BUT I want someone I can do things with on weekends and days, which is when he works

His career choices are very "childlike"? I dont know how else to put it?  

[spedrunner]

Jul 26, 2016 10:34:38 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

Have you read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari? Your post makes me think of his Flo Rida Theory of Acquired Likability Through Increased Exposure. So I'm team second date. Lol.

NO! But i want to read it!!!! Getting it now

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2016 11:28:15 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 26, 2016 10:34:38 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

Have you read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari? Your post makes me think of his Flo Rida Theory of Acquired Likability Through Increased Exposure. So I'm team second date. Lol.

NO! But i want to read it!!!! Getting it now

I just read it for a second time. It actually made me a lot more optimistic about dating.

[Deleted]

Slow burn isn't bad. It's not always a spark. I'd give it a chance, if nothing else just to have fun.

[Deleted]

If there weren't any red flags I'd give it another date. I enjoyed dating and meeting new people.

I personally haven't really felt butterflies since I was in the beginning of college.

I wasn't head over heels with my current boyfriend after the first date but now I couldn't be anymore happy 1.5 years later.

[Deleted]

I just ordered Aziz's book too - thank you!

[dirtyred]

I didn't really feel any spark with my now DH until our 5th date.  He was a nice guy and I decided I had to give him a chance...and another, and another. 

[TR]

Jul 27, 2016 8:18:56 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

I didn't really feel any spark with my now DH until our 5th date.  He was a nice guy and I decided I had to give him a chance...and another, and another. 

My spark with BF came on the 4th date And now we're moving halfway across the country together!

[miniroller]

Is it possible to plan something shorter, maybe just meet for coffee/ breakfast/ brunch claiming a super busy weekend? I was thinking if you feel anything even close to a spark, schedule another date. If it's DOA, you only have to 'torture' yourself for an hour..? GL!

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2016 20:18:32 GMT -5 mp said:

What are his career choices?

I am def team give it a second shot.

Yes I really want to know the career too!

[LoveBug]

I would go. It's a night out. I had a great first date with my BF. It wasn't instant sparks but I had such a great time and a great conversation with him, that I wanted to give myself time to let the nerves and initial meeting feelings subside so I could really assess him. Almost two years later and it's true love.

[spedrunner]

Jul 26, 2016 20:18:32 GMT -5 mp said:

What are his career choices?

I am def team give it a second shot.

He's a dj and personal trainer

[alleinesein]

Jul 27, 2016 18:56:15 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 26, 2016 20:18:32 GMT -5 mp said:

What are his career choices?

I am def team give it a second shot.

He's a dj and personal trainer

And the problem with that is?  One of my friends is a personal trainer who makes enough $$$ to live in Hawaii.  Another friend is a wedding/event DJ that brings in $4k-$8k a week for 2-4 days worth of work.  They might not be 'grown up' jobs but you can make a decent living and have time to yourself.

[spedrunner]

Jul 27, 2016 19:38:02 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

Jul 27, 2016 18:56:15 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

He's a dj and personal trainer

And the problem with that is?  One of my friends is a personal trainer who makes enough $$$ to live in Hawaii.  Another friend is a wedding/event DJ that brings in $4k-$8k a week for 2-4 days worth of work.  They might not be 'grown up' jobs but you can make a decent living and have time to yourself.

Oh there's nothing wrong with it at all but for me not great ...I'm not a night person. Love to do things and go places on weekends , and that is when he will be working

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2016 19:54:51 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 27, 2016 19:38:02 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

And the problem with that is?  One of my friends is a personal trainer who makes enough $$$ to live in Hawaii.  Another friend is a wedding/event DJ that brings in $4k-$8k a week for 2-4 days worth of work.  They might not be 'grown up' jobs but you can make a decent living and have time to yourself.

Oh there's nothing wrong with it at all but for me not great ...I'm not a night person. Love to do things and go places on weekends , and that is when he will be working

I can understand the potential clash in schedules as a pause.  And (Generally speaking) although flexible jobs are good and can be lucrative, I fear the lack of stability.

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2016 19:54:51 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 27, 2016 19:38:02 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

And the problem with that is?  One of my friends is a personal trainer who makes enough $$$ to live in Hawaii.  Another friend is a wedding/event DJ that brings in $4k-$8k a week for 2-4 days worth of work.  They might not be 'grown up' jobs but you can make a decent living and have time to yourself.

Oh there's nothing wrong with it at all but for me not great ...I'm not a night person. Love to do things and go places on weekends , and that is when he will be working

You described his career as "childlike." So I was expecting something like he was a clown at kids birthday parties or something. I think those are respectable careers. My SO is a professional musician and he does travel and tour a lot, but the beauty of him working for himself is that when he's home he is home and has a very flexible schedule that allows us to travel whenever and he takes care of all the cooking, cleaning, etc. We go out a lot. I actually like it a lot better than dating someone who has a 9-5 job. Plus, he makes 6 figures, more than I make! Just something to think about in regards to dating going forward when looking at pros and cons of someone.

But anyway, if you are going to judge him then it's probably best not to go on a second date if you don't think your schedules are compatible and he's not some one you want to spend time with.

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2016 19:54:51 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 27, 2016 19:38:02 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

And the problem with that is?  One of my friends is a personal trainer who makes enough $$$ to live in Hawaii.  Another friend is a wedding/event DJ that brings in $4k-$8k a week for 2-4 days worth of work.  They might not be 'grown up' jobs but you can make a decent living and have time to yourself.

Oh there's nothing wrong with it at all but for me not great ...I'm not a night person. Love to do things and go places on weekends , and that is when he will be working

I get where you're coming from and I'd probably have the same hesitations.

I am very leery of meeting anyone that lives more than 10 miles from me b/c I feel so strongly about being geographically compatible. I live in a huge city with crazy traffic so I'm just not willing to deal with someone I can't meet up with spontaneously after work for a quick bite or something.

[Deleted]

I say skip the second date. You are already disinterested. How did you not know his profession before agreeing to the first date?

And aren't you living at home and searching (maybe found?) for a job?

[spedrunner]

Jul 28, 2016 12:14:50 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

I say skip the second date. You are already disinterested. How did you not know his profession before agreeing to the first date?

And aren't you living at home and searching (maybe found?) for a job?

Yes and yes

[spedrunner]

I met him on pof. We met for coffee and talked. There's nothing wrong with his profession just not something I'm compatible with I guess if I were really into him it would not matter so I guess I have my answer

[Deleted]

Again - how did you not know his profession(s) before you went on the date?

[spedrunner]

Jul 28, 2016 15:11:20 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Again - how did you not know his profession(s) before you went on the date?

because I did not ask

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2016 14:11:25 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Jul 28, 2016 12:14:50 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

I say skip the second date. You are already disinterested. How did you not know his profession before agreeing to the first date?

And aren't you living at home and searching (maybe found?) for a job?

Yes and yes

Wait, you live at home without a job, yet you're judging this guy for having a childlike career? That seems...wrong. 

[spedrunner]

Jul 28, 2016 17:24:00 GMT -5 @wandering said:

Jul 28, 2016 14:11:25 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

Yes and yes

Wait, you live at home without a job, yet you're judging this guy for having a childlike career? That seems...wrong. 

Ummmm woah. First off I never said I was judging him. You did

Second. I live at home bc I moved back to the state after going through a really tough time. My condo is currently rented out and I can not move back until next month

I have a job and always had a job. Two In fact. Moving back I was forced to take a leave of absence teaching position. I am currently interviewing for full tenure