Hugs. I still sometimes feel sad about my miscarriages, especially the first, and my son is 3. I thought about it constantly when I was pregnant, but giving birth was very healing for me, and I hope will be for you too.
It's such an odd day. I remember for me it was something that I thought about ALL DAY and for everyone else, it seemed like just another day. Which made me sad that everyone was going about their life not knowing about the baby I'd never meet.
Right?! Like, my mom - the person who loves me more than anyone in the world lol - probably doesn't remember that today was my due date. I don't really blame her (particularly since I/we have another due date to focus on now), but it's just... weird. IDK.
My husband doesn't even remember our due dates. I agree that it's normal to feel sad even though you're pregnant again. Babies aren't interchangeable, and it might even feel weird to think after the birth that you wouldn't have your new daughter if you hadn't lost the other pregnancy. There's no right or wrong here.
Post by dancingirl21 on Jul 29, 2016 11:18:29 GMT -5
I felt the same way with my first loss and was 28 weeks pregnant with J at the time. It's so strange now to think about if that first one had stuck, that I wouldn't have J now. But on the due date, I remember feeling just weird and off. Hugs.
It's such an odd day. I remember for me it was something that I thought about ALL DAY and for everyone else, it seemed like just another day. Which made me sad that everyone was going about their life not knowing about the baby I'd never meet.
Right?! Like, my mom - the person who loves me more than anyone in the world lol - probably doesn't remember that today was my due date. I don't really blame her (particularly since I/we have another due date to focus on now), but it's just... weird. IDK.
Except for kind messages from people on the boards, not a single person (obviously excluding DH) acknowledged the EDD of my second pregnancy. I was angry at first, but then I realized that I'm sure they *knew* what day it was, but they just didn't know what to say and since I didn't really talk about it much after my D&E, they likely took my lead and remained silent. It's really hard to navigate this stuff, both as the person with the loss and as a loved one of the person with the loss.
I'm glad we never told anyone IRL that I was pregnant this last time though. I don't want to feel similarly again come early February. It will be hard enough thinking about what would have been.
i experienced 2 loses in one year, and then when i was pregnant with L and then when she was a baby those dates came and i felt so weird on those days. i remember one of my due dates was a month after she was born and i sat in the car one day and just cried. it was very strange.
I'm sorry. It's a hard milestone. Sometimes I want to tell everyone, cause it seems so wrong to be carrying such grief that no one is aware of. My second miscarriage was a chemical pregnancy, and I decided to never calculate what the due date would've been. It was almost a year exactly after my first, though, so I imagine I'll end up just mourning them together. I think it's ok to feel however you want to feel today.
Post by bananapancakes on Jul 29, 2016 12:25:52 GMT -5
I get you. I think whatever you're feeling is totally normal. I was also pregnant on the EDD of my first pregnancy and I still found it difficult. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time and my nephew was born on my exact due date. I found it difficult to be around them for awhile. It's much better now nearly three years out but I do still think about it and imagine I always will. Hugs to you.
Post by belovedbride07 on Jul 29, 2016 12:32:44 GMT -5
I understand. Today would've been my due date two years ago if my first IVF had worked. And this is why I never calculated exact due dates again until I had a positive HPT. I'm not really sad per se, but wistful? I don't know...it's a weird feeling.
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
It's OK to feel things. Really it is. Everyone deals with m/c's in their own way--some take a long time to heal, others not so much. So it's OK if you still need some time to wrap your mind/heart around it.
I feel ya. My due date with my second pregnancy would have been in two days, so likely I would be holding a fresh little newborn right now. Instead, I am almost 27 weeks pregnant with a healthy, kicking, baby, but it still feels weird that this baby wouldn't even be here if I wouldn't have miscarried. I feel almost guilty about being sad, because I am so thankful that we got pregnant easily afterwards, because I know it is not so easy for some people. I don't know, it is just a weird mix of emotions. Hugs.
I hate that we're socialized to think we can't mourn certain things because of what we already have. I definitely felt like I wasn't "supposed" to be sad about secondary IF when I already had a thriving and healthy DD, as if the desire to have a second child was somehow greedy or wrong. They should be independent issues. We can be grateful for anything and everything in our lives AND be really sad about what we've lost or what we deeply desire.
Hugs @this. I think it's normal to feel this way. My bff has had a lot of miscarriages and I know some of them hit her harder than others. She often remembers her due dates with them and gets emotional about it. I can remember that happening even when she was pregnant.
Hugs. I felt the same way. I wasn't pregnant yet either which made it worse. I was also really disappointed that neither one of our parents remembered (I estimated my due date to be 7/4). It's tough.
I've felt the same before, and have this pregnancy too. It's the weirdest feeling ever.
I like how whattheheck put it. Multiple emotions at the same time can be hard. Just remember you are pregnant right now and the happiness you feel for this baby doesn't take anything away from your love for your previous pregnancy/loss.
Post by chickadee77 on Jul 29, 2016 19:39:12 GMT -5
The first year was the worst for me - I don't really think about them much anymore (probably because I'm busy with a 2-year-old). But, yes, the initial due date passing was tough. Hugs.
I felt this way when I was pregnant with DS & my losses due date came around. Somehow I wrapped my head around it like DS was the same baby returned to me I just had a little extra wait. It's cheesy but that thinking helped me at the time. (( hugs))
I haven't reached this milestone yet (early Feb) but I am really dreading it if I'm not pregnant again. It's going to suck either way, but i really don't want to be still TTC. Hugs, everyone.