Can I dump this here?

[verycontrary247]

Sorry, I'm a mess.

Y'all remember hot karaoke dude? You know, tall, dark, handsome, moved to Texas about a year ago, does a great rendition of Queen's "Somebody to Love," has 2 older kids and a vasectomy? Of course you do.

I'm still very not over him. He recently came into town. Introduced me to a bunch more of his friends. Brought me to yet another family event. Rubbed shoulders with his mom and sister. I even met his exwife and her fiancé.

One evening he spent the night, we had super amazing sex and I'm 99.99% positive he said "I love you" after he thought I was asleep.

news: apparently he's planning on moving back to the east coast within the next year. Not necessarily the same city, but within an hour and a half.

Guys. This is big trouble. Like- from the moment I met him, everything about him just spoke to me. I'm a very anxious person and he is the only person I can relax and let my guard down around. The distance has helped a bit with my fixation, but I can't help but compare everyone I go on dates with to him and no one gets even close to that standard. This prevents me from considering anyone else as a serious relationship candidate.

But. Babies. I want them. And he does not. I've known this from the beginning, and yet here I am. 2 years later. Still pining after him. Wtf is wrong with me? I know I've posted this before. I just can't quit him.

[Deleted]

Oh ((verycontrary247)). That's really tough. I know you have strong feelings for him. The thing is, if you truly want children and to be with someone that does too--he's not it. Man, that is not easy. The distance definitely was a deterrent. I wouldn't want you to miss out on someone else who could be a better potential partner for you with the same long term goals. Being around his family etc is like playing mind games.
I feel like...realistically you will either have to cut it off or limit it to just FWB (not going places together etc), but since you've already crossed that line it could be hard to step back.

[verycontrary247]

Jul 30, 2016 8:03:23 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Oh ((verycontrary247)). That's really tough. I know you have strong feelings for him. The thing is, if you truly want children and to be with someone that does too--he's not it. Man, that is not easy. The distance definitely was a deterrent. I wouldn't want you to miss out on someone else who could be a better potential partner for you with the same long term goals. Being around his family etc is like playing mind games.
I feel like...realistically you will either have to cut it off or limit it to just FWB (not going places together etc), but since you've already crossed that line it could be hard to step back.

I think it's the fact that I know he doesn't want kids has me second guessing my own choice, but he has never tried to convince me otherwise.

I thought back when we originally had the "I want kids and you don't want more" conversation that I had successfully steered us into a just FWB territory but BFF says she thinks he's "priming" me to be in a relationship with him when he comes back. Why else would he introduce me to all his friends and family? And now I think it's too late to dial that back, because I actually really like spending time with them, particularly his immediate family. His parents and siblings and kids are all fantastic and kind people, just like him. How do I just walk away from that?

[glitzyglow]

Honestly, if you truly want kids, lay that out to him clearly. If he says he doesn't or waivers, let him go if children are a deal breaker. I wouldn't suggest contact with him because you're not going to be able to let go when you're doing things like meeting his family. It's not too late to dial back if kids are your line in the sand, even though you love his family. How do you walk away from that...you just do so you can have a chance of fulfilling your dreams of a family.

[bg]

Jul 30, 2016 9:38:22 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

How do you walk away from that...you just do so you can have a chance of fulfilling your dreams of a family.

I agree with this. Put your long-term wants/needs first. Certainly not easy in the short term though -- I'm sorry!

[Deleted]

Jul 30, 2016 8:44:10 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Jul 30, 2016 8:03:23 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Oh ((verycontrary247 )). That's really tough. I know you have strong feelings for him. The thing is, if you truly want children and to be with someone that does too--he's not it. Man, that is not easy. The distance definitely was a deterrent. I wouldn't want you to miss out on someone else who could be a better potential partner for you with the same long term goals. Being around his family etc is like playing mind games.
I feel like...realistically you will either have to cut it off or limit it to just FWB (not going places together etc), but since you've already crossed that line it could be hard to step back.

I think it's the fact that I know he doesn't want kids has me second guessing my own choice, but he has never tried to convince me otherwise.

I thought back when we originally had the "I want kids and you don't want more" conversation that I had successfully steered us into a just FWB territory but BFF says she thinks he's "priming" me to be in a relationship with him when he comes back. Why else would he introduce me to all his friends and family? And now I think it's too late to dial that back, because I actually really like spending time with them, particularly his immediate family. His parents and siblings and kids are all fantastic and kind people, just like him. How do I just walk away from that?

If you want children of your own with your partner and he is absolutely 100% uninterested (possibly unable due to vasectomy?) then you can not second guess your own choice of wanting children.  He has kids.  He's had the opportunity to have them.  You have not and you wish to.  That's how you walk away.  You don't want to turn around in 10 years and say...wow, I really wish I would have had a kid..and maybe now it's not feasible.  It's hard to leave behind a good dude that you really like.  But I think there have been many people that have had to walk away from a good person for their own person goals/choices.  It's definitely not easy, but don't give up your own goals.