talk about friendships ending for stupid reasons

[Deleted]

my best girlfriend and I are no longer friends because of free Cubs VIP tickets. :drink: :N:

I drunk zombie cried through the streets of Chicago last night and skipped all of the events we had planned for today. I'm still in my pjs. I feel like I got dumped, lol.

worst part? we've been friends for four years and she moves to the other side of the country in three days.

[phunluvin82]

Wait whaaaaa? So what happened? Sorry bout your friend!!

[Deleted]

What happened?

Unless something crazy happened, I bet I am Team You.

[wife2dj]

:hugs:

[heyrebekah]

Oh no, what happened?

[Deleted]

15 of my girlfriends and I took a bus to Chicago for a Cubs game. L, my best girlfriend, planned the trip and chartered the bus.

5 of L's guy friends also went (separately), and one of them has season box seats. He had 10 extra tickets and he and L hand picked 10 of our girlfriends to sit with them. This was all done secretively. I had no idea. Coincidentally, all 10 of the girls chosen were single. The five of us left out are all in serious relationships or engaged.

FF to two hours before game time. We are at a very expensive bar, and I cannot afford the $14 beers so I'm drinking water. A few of us kept asking if everyone wanted to go to a cheaper place, but they were all being odd "oh... we're open to it, but we'll see." So four of us ended up leaving for a bit to grab $3 beers--with the plan to meet back up before the game started.

As we are getting ready to enter the stadium (now with the entire group), one of the girls tells me to go ahead because she has a different ticket. WTMF.

So I text L and thank her for the invite - she gets all defensive and tries to turn it on me. She actually said she wasn't sorry that she was having a good time with her roommates (the group of guys live in her apartment complex), and that I could be mad all I wanted.

I told her that I get I cannot be invited to everything, but that I at least expect her to be open and honest with me when she makes alternative plans. I told her I felt excluded and dumped. I then got really dramatic and told her I wasn't interested in investing any more into a relationship with someone who valued my friendship so little.

When we got back on the bus, she said something stupid about "all her friends, and everyone who used to be her friend."

I immediately walked off the bus and went to SO's.

She called me earlier and said she is upset that I thought she had malicious intentions, and that she has always been there for me and been such a great friend so it was wrong for me to be so harsh after one incident.

Meanwhile, one of our friends who went to the VIP section last night already contacted me and apologized profusely/said she was embarrassed of her actions and her shitty character lapse.

It sounds so ridiculous and immature all typed out, but I was really crushed last night. And I still feel depressed today, lol.

[whitterbugk]

So had the 15 of you girls already bought tickets together? And 10 were "upgraded" to VIP?

[Ashley&Scott]

So they planned a trip to a baseball game with 20 people then upgraded the seats of 15 people & you were one of the 5 people left out. That's shitty of them, I would be pissed too.

Were the 5 of you that went to a cheaper bar pre-game the same 5 that were left out?

[eightangryreindeer]

babies are stupid

[Deleted]

Are you sure it's over?

I think you guys can patch this up.

[Deleted]

I am of the opinion that some people (girls in particular) go bat shit crazy for no particular reason.

Signed,
Girl who was dumped by her BFF after throwing her a baby shower

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 15:53:09 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

So they planned a trip to a baseball game with 20 people then upgraded the seats of 15 people & you were one of the 5 people left out. That's shitty of them, I would be pissed too.


Were the 5 of you that went to a cheaper bar pre-game the same 5 that were left out?

yes, the upgrade is annoying. but what is more frustrating is that they tried to keep it secretive and exclusive. no one was offered to upgrade their own seats, and we weren't asked if we minded that the others did it without us. we went on a trip together to see a game with each other before we all move away, and they left us out of the event.

One of the excluded girls was with the large group the entire time and then was ditched at the gate. I felt worse for her.

[Awkward]

Is there more backstory to this? Because the way I'm reading it, this was a single episode of her being a jerk, probably because she was in the company of a group of (presumably) 22-year-old males. Not that that makes it an excuse, but It feels like you're ending a long friendship over one instance of asshattery.
I'd give the friendship another go, even, as she's moving across the country, it just means emails and occasional texts.

[hannamarin]

Yeah, tnat was pretty mean of her. I can see she was in a tough spot ...who gets to go to the box, but why not take turns? Alternate innings, etc. The whole fun of the trip was the group.
She should apologize. Then I would forgive and move on.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 15:55:49 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Are you sure it's over?

I think you guys can patch this up.

if we were in the same town, I would have no doubts about this. but she's going to be on the east coast and I'll be in Chicago. we graduate Saturday.

I also have yet to hear an apology at all. we spoke briefly this morning and she just told me how pissed she is at me. I honestly think she's being manipulative by trying to turn it on me.

she's done stuff like this to her other friends in the past, so I probably should have realized it would eventually happen to me.

[Canella]

May 17, 2012 15:46:21 GMT -5 tacom said:

15 of my girlfriends and I took a bus to Chicago for a Cubs game. L, my best girlfriend, planned the trip and chartered the bus.


FF to two hours before game time. We are at a very expensive bar, and I cannot afford the $14 beers so I'm drinking water. A few of us kept asking if everyone wanted to go to a cheaper place, but they were all being odd "oh... we're open to it, but we'll see." So four of us ended up leaving for a bit to grab $3 beers--with the plan to meet back up before the game started.

Woah. Where were they drinking $14 beers? In Wrigley?

[CloudBee]

Well did the 5 of you at least get to sit together? You were still with a portion of the group, no? I think you can work this out. I understand you being annoyed/frustrated by it all, but it's not like you were left alone, correct?

[Kore]

I agree that this doesn't sound like it has to be the end. This sounds like a dumb lapse in judgment by a 20 year old who was avoiding telling you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, while simultaneously wanting to impress a bunch of dumb boys.

[Deleted]

we are twenty-two guys! lol. I know, I know.

canella - it was some German place. everyone kept ordering $14 steins -- the bartender was an ass and made it clear that he didn't have time for us. "please give me your cheapest beer" wasn't a request I wanted to make.

we went to bar celona two doors down and I had $3 blue moons.

[Deleted]

I cannot follow this story.

[Kore]

omg. You just made me realize I was 22 when I started posting on TK. I'm almost 32 now. eeks.

[Canella]

Ahh, gotcha.

I was thinking, "who drinks $14 beers before a Cubs game?!" Ha.

It does suck that your friend left you to go sit in the nicer section. I would have been pretty annoyed. However, I would still try to talk to her.

I know this weekend will be busy/emotional with it being graduation weekend for you, but it never hurts to try. If anything, it might be good closure.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 16:04:50 GMT -5 tacom said:

May 17, 2012 15:55:49 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Are you sure it's over?

I think you guys can patch this up.

if we were in the same town, I would have no doubts about this. but she's going to be on the east coast and I'll be in Chicago. we graduate Saturday.

I also have yet to hear an apology at all. we spoke briefly this morning and she just told me how pissed she is at me. I honestly think she's being manipulative by trying to turn it on me.

she's done stuff like this to her other friends in the past, so I probably should have realized it would eventually happen to me.

Do you want to salvage this?

[Deleted]

It sounds like you know this is a really dumb reason to end a close friendship.

So why not be the bigger person, reach out to her, and patch things up before graduation? Trust me, if this girl is really your best friend, you will look back on this event years from now and regret letting your friendship end over something so petty.

[heygrey]

i was going to say that it's worth patching things up if this was a one off her-being-an-ass thing, but since it's a repeated behaviour and you won't be living near each other... i wouldn't be too concerned about making up.

i'm learning now (at almost 26) that i should have let go of those more-trouble-than-they're-worth friendships of my college years much sooner. i was so damned determined to be a good friend that i ended up letting them walk all over me. and exclude me since that was common behaviour too.

you're moving, life is changing in huge ways in the next few months, you'll make new friends. be sad for a few days, but don't take this to your grave.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 16:15:16 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

May 17, 2012 16:04:50 GMT -5 tacom said:

if we were in the same town, I would have no doubts about this. but she's going to be on the east coast and I'll be in Chicago. we graduate Saturday.

I also have yet to hear an apology at all. we spoke briefly this morning and she just told me how pissed she is at me. I honestly think she's being manipulative by trying to turn it on me.

she's done stuff like this to her other friends in the past, so I probably should have realized it would eventually happen to me.

Do you want to salvage this?

I can't imagine not trying, but I also would rather not set myself up for disappointment in the future.

at this point, she fails to acknowledge that anything was handled poorly, and she just keeps going on about how another excluded friend and I were being dramatic (this is fair, but it is clearly not the only issue at hand).

I am just unsure if I want a friendship with someone who cannot say "hey, I fucked up. I'm sorry" when she actually fucks up. What's the point?

FWIW, I apologized this morning for how I handled things (the comment about not wanting to invest in our friendship). she half-way apologized for how I "interpreted" things--but she hasn't actually acknowledged any wrong doing on her end.

We seem to be at a standstill.

[phunluvin82]

May 17, 2012 16:07:39 GMT -5 Kore said:

I agree that this doesn't sound like it has to be the end. This sounds like a dumb lapse in judgment by a 20 year old who was avoiding telling you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, while simultaneously wanting to impress a bunch of dumb boys.

Agreed

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 16:15:39 GMT -5 @lcap said:

It sounds like you know this is a really dumb reason to end a close friendship.

So why not be the bigger person, reach out to her, and patch things up before graduation? Trust me, if this girl is really your best friend, you will look back on this event years from now and regret letting your friendship end over something so petty.

this was SO's suggestion. but he also really likes her and considers her a friend as well, so he is bias.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2012 16:22:59 GMT -5 v said:

May 17, 2012 16:10:30 GMT -5 tacom said:

we are twenty-two guys! lol. I know, I know.

canella - it was some German place. everyone kept ordering $14 steins -- the bartender was an ass and made it clear that he didn't have time for us. "please give me your cheapest beer" wasn't a request I wanted to make.

we went to bar celona two doors down and I had $3 blue moons.

So were they huge beers? If so, that isn't always a bad deal, really. Like, the German beer hall by my apartment charges $17 for its most expensive beers... but they are 1.5 liters. The (metric equivalents of) pints are like $7, which is probably on the more reasonable side for beer of that quality. Particularly because it is high alcohol beer, so it may have as much alcohol in it as 2 $5 Bud Lights (not that they sell them there, but at the dive bar down the street). And you only have to tip once for the big one, which is a savings over buying 6 or whatever rounds of Bud Light it would take to get as much alcohol in your system. So really, $17 beers are MM!!!

Alcohol math is fun and useful.

$14 for a liter of 5.1%, which actually has less alcohol than the 5.4% blue moon. also, we buy rounds for each other so you do less tipping (because only the person buying the round needs to tip).

I am very frugal - I worry about these things too.

[CloudBee]

Sometimes you just need to let things go, and toss the expectation of an apology.