My asshole husband

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 2, 2016 21:57:57 GMT -5 residentdj said:

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

Holy f'ing shit! He actually said that to you? *hulk smash*

Mind you, my H has said his fair share of rage worthy bs....I'm pretty sure at some point he made a similar comment....my sleep deprived brain has chosen to block it out at this point....

Oh I promise you he regretted saying it quickly.

[papie]

It's a miracle there aren't more spouse murders during colic.
I remember those days too well, H was the same, he was so convinced that the baby would stop screaming if I shoved a boob in its mouth, so why didn't I ever want to try? You know, for the 100th feeding of the fucking day.

I'm sorry. Hang in there. Kick him hard tonight in his sleep.
(((Hugs)))

[papie]

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

Do we have the same H? "But I just really need sleep, not everyone is affected the same way!".

[Elsa]

Aug 2, 2016 21:30:58 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I'm sorry, that's lousy. Have you tried a windi? It was a miracle savior for C.

Yeah. It doesn't work for her. We just tried again, nothing happened, I diapered her and she got gassy and uncomfortable like 4 min later. :/

[oliviapope]

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

Lol, omg.

Only my own exhaustion would have stopped me from killing him for that statement.

[fezzik]

Just reading that made me well up with anger for you. This was the same scenario in our house a few months ago. Anytime C fussed while with H, he would bring her to me and tell me that she needed to nurse. I would tell him she just ate, then he would immediately get huffy and say, "Well, she is CLEARLY hungry!" Ugh. I feel you. Sorry you have to suffocate him with a pillow tonight while he sleeps soundly.

[Elsa]

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"


Lolololol fuck no. I snapped bc you were an asshole. Cause and effect motherfucker. I don't need to apologize. Try again.

[eb777888]

Aug 2, 2016 23:00:03 GMT -5 Elsa said:

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"

[idoinjuly]

Aug 2, 2016 23:00:03 GMT -5 Elsa said:

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"


Lolololol fuck no. I snapped bc you were an asshole. Cause and effect motherfucker. I don't need to apologize. Try again.

He is really living recklessly today.

[sofamonkey]

Aug 2, 2016 22:25:50 GMT -5 Elsa said:

Aug 2, 2016 21:30:58 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I'm sorry, that's lousy. Have you tried a windi? It was a miracle savior for C.

Yeah. It doesn't work for her. We just tried again, nothing happened, I diapered her and she got gassy and uncomfortable like 4 min later. :/

I'm so sorry to hear this.  Truly.  We had to do a whole routine. It involved bicycle kicks, massage, and the windi, all on repeat. And it was 50/50.

In any case, I'm glad you didn't kill your husband. Yet.  Perhaps up his life insurance now, and then in a few months it won't look suspicious?

[Elsa]

Aug 2, 2016 23:03:10 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

Aug 2, 2016 23:00:03 GMT -5 Elsa said:

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"


Lolololol fuck no. I snapped bc you were an asshole. Cause and effect motherfucker. I don't need to apologize. Try again.

He is really living recklessly today.

Right?!
You know him! This isn't him! Which kind of makes me want to give him a pass....but not enough to actually give him one. Lol

Instead I'm just going to splurge tomorrow when I go to the Kendra Scott store with a friend. Treat yo self!

[DarcyLongfellow]

Oh, man. I'm SO sorry.

I could have written the same post when DD1 was a newborn.

I have a vivid memory of standing at the changing table in our bedroom in the middle of the night, changing DD1 when she was screaming absolute bloody murder. DH was sleeping away peacefully (or pretending to sleep) maybe 8 feet away. I had an overwhelming urge to throw shit at him.

He used to do the same thing -- run in to me in a panic as I was trying to take a shower (which was my only break for the damn day) because "she won't stop screaming! I think she's hungry -- you HAVE TO FEED HER."

I have no advice because the newborn stage sucks and can only be endured. I'll only say that DH was a million times better when we had DD2 because he finally got it. So if you somehow avoid husband-cide, then lose your mind and decide to have another some day, there's hope?

[Elsa]

Aug 2, 2016 23:30:26 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

Oh, man. I'm SO sorry.

I could have written the same post when DD1 was a newborn.

I have a vivid memory of standing at the changing table in our bedroom in the middle of the night, changing DD1 when she was screaming absolute bloody murder. DH was sleeping away peacefully (or pretending to sleep) maybe 8 feet away. I had an overwhelming urge to throw shit at him.

He used to do the same thing -- run in to me in a panic as I was trying to take a shower (which was my only break for the damn day) because "she won't stop screaming! I think she's hungry -- you HAVE TO FEED HER."

I have no advice because the newborn stage sucks and can only be endured. I'll only say that DH was a million times better when we had DD2 because he finally got it. So if you somehow avoid husband-cide, then lose your mind and decide to have another some day, there's hope?

This is my second. Lolol
It has been a long time in between kids though so maybe he needs some reminding.

[verycontrary247]

Aug 2, 2016 21:18:02 GMT -5 miso said:

I just figured it out.

The reason I am no longer a lawyer is so I can be a hired husband assassin.

Please contribute to my GoFundMe for a spiffy ninja getup.

I could make that.

[julianabixby]

This absolutely sounds like our house right now too, so I feel your pain and frustration. Let's divorce them and move into together 😉.

[residentdj]

Aug 2, 2016 23:42:20 GMT -5 tators said:

Omgah he's been awful lately.

H told his friends tonight, " I'm not really the disciplinarian." Wtf mother fucker?! No- you don't get to just be the fun guy.

Yea, my H was doing something similar to this too. DD is only 2, mind you, so it's not like there's so much to discipline, but you know how it is - you do have to prevent them from getting into things that might hurt them or say no to something once in a while. And here comes H as the 'fun parent' after I just said no to something because I'm trying to get her ready because we have to be out the door to be somewhere by a certain time - so when I say no again and yell to stop riling her up I hear him say 'mommy is mean'. No, jerkwad - I'm not being mean, I'm trying to get us out the door because we have to fucking be somewhere.

Why do men do this shit?

[residentdj]

Actually the worst is when I ask him to dress DD because I need to go upstairs and dress myself/pee/fix hair/etc and get our stuff ready for wherever it is that we're going - I come downstairs only to find that DD is running around still not dressed. You had one job. ONE JOB!!!!!

And it doesn't even matter if I leave clothes out for her either - it's the same shit every time.

[Elsa]

Aug 3, 2016 5:07:15 GMT -5 residentdj said:

Aug 2, 2016 23:42:20 GMT -5 tators said:

Omgah he's been awful lately.

H told his friends tonight, " I'm not really the disciplinarian." Wtf mother fucker?! No- you don't get to just be the fun guy.

Yea, my H was doing something similar to this too. DD is only 2, mind you, so it's not like there's so much to discipline, but you know how it is - you do have to prevent them from getting into things that might hurt them or say no to something once in a while. And here comes H as the 'fun parent' after I just said no to something because I'm trying to get her ready because we have to be out the door to be somewhere by a certain time - so when I say no again and yell to stop riling her up I hear him say 'mommy is mean'. No, jerkwad - I'm not being mean, I'm trying to get us out the door because we have to fucking be somewhere.

Why do men do this shit?

Oh shit. Mommy is mean? Oh I'd SHOW him mean.

Not fucking ok.

[hungrycaterpillar]

Aug 3, 2016 5:07:15 GMT -5 residentdj said:

Aug 2, 2016 23:42:20 GMT -5 tators said:

Omgah he's been awful lately.

H told his friends tonight, " I'm not really the disciplinarian." Wtf mother fucker?! No- you don't get to just be the fun guy.

Yea, my H was doing something similar to this too. DD is only 2, mind you, so it's not like there's so much to discipline, but you know how it is - you do have to prevent them from getting into things that might hurt them or say no to something once in a while. And here comes H as the 'fun parent' after I just said no to something because I'm trying to get her ready because we have to be out the door to be somewhere by a certain time - so when I say no again and yell to stop riling her up I hear him say 'mommy is mean'. No, jerkwad - I'm not being mean, I'm trying to get us out the door because we have to fucking be somewhere.

Why do men do this shit?

This would really really bother me. I am not comfortable with my H saying mommy is mean to our son even in a joking manner. I'm sorry.

[residentdj]

Aug 3, 2016 5:21:31 GMT -5 hungrycaterpillar said:

Aug 3, 2016 5:07:15 GMT -5 residentdj said:

Yea, my H was doing something similar to this too. DD is only 2, mind you, so it's not like there's so much to discipline, but you know how it is - you do have to prevent them from getting into things that might hurt them or say no to something once in a while. And here comes H as the 'fun parent' after I just said no to something because I'm trying to get her ready because we have to be out the door to be somewhere by a certain time - so when I say no again and yell to stop riling her up I hear him say 'mommy is mean'. No, jerkwad - I'm not being mean, I'm trying to get us out the door because we have to fucking be somewhere.

Why do men do this shit?

This would really really bother me. I am not comfortable with my H saying mommy is mean to our son even in a joking manner. I'm sorry.

Yea, we had a little chat about that - in private, of course, because it had gotten to the point where DD would always run to daddy and push me out of the way plus some other behaviors. I really feel it was a direct result of him saying those words in front of her. He hasn't said it since so it's gotten better, but at one point I was starting to feel like my own kid didn't like me. I'm not mean, but can't just let it be a complete free for all here 24/7 either.

I should add that he's stepped up with saying no and 'disciplining' if you want to call it that. DD needs to know that we are both 'fun', but also can't always let her do whatever either.

[kayl84]

He's still alive at this point? I'm assuming you've gotten rid of the body because I'm not a mom, but hellllll no. I got angry for you just reading it. I can't imagine your frustration, then you think he's apologizing and was just fishing for an apology from you? HA. Enjoy the life insurance money!!

[muffin0]

Aug 2, 2016 23:02:01 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Aug 2, 2016 23:00:03 GMT -5 Elsa said:

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"

That's exactly what my face did.

[Deleted]

Im sorry you're now a single mother of two.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Aug 2, 2016 23:38:01 GMT -5 Elsa said:

Aug 2, 2016 23:30:26 GMT -5 DarcyLongfellow said:

Oh, man. I'm SO sorry.

I could have written the same post when DD1 was a newborn.

I have a vivid memory of standing at the changing table in our bedroom in the middle of the night, changing DD1 when she was screaming absolute bloody murder. DH was sleeping away peacefully (or pretending to sleep) maybe 8 feet away. I had an overwhelming urge to throw shit at him.

He used to do the same thing -- run in to me in a panic as I was trying to take a shower (which was my only break for the damn day) because "she won't stop screaming! I think she's hungry -- you HAVE TO FEED HER."

I have no advice because the newborn stage sucks and can only be endured. I'll only say that DH was a million times better when we had DD2 because he finally got it. So if you somehow avoid husband-cide, then lose your mind and decide to have another some day, there's hope?

This is my second. Lolol
It has been a long time in between kids though so maybe he needs some reminding.

NO excuses, then!! Buck up, Mr. Elsa!

[malibu]

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

How is he not dead again?

[malibu]

Aug 2, 2016 22:25:50 GMT -5 Elsa said:

Aug 2, 2016 21:30:58 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

I'm sorry, that's lousy. Have you tried a windi? It was a miracle savior for C.

Yeah. It doesn't work for her. We just tried again, nothing happened, I diapered her and she got gassy and uncomfortable like 4 min later. :/

I meant to comment on your FB post last night -

The only thing that worked for K was using two fingers to massage little tiny circles over her abdomen with massage oil, moving in the direction of the intestines. We tried drops and everything else I was aware of in the known world for baby gas, and only this, in tandem with bicycling her legs, seemed to be the only thing that really helped move the gas out of her tummy. There were a few weeks I swear I was having to do this 50% of her waking hours, but it did help.

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 2, 2016 22:33:13 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

Lol, omg.

Only my own exhaustion would have stopped me from killing him for that statement.

It would have just been one more mess I had to clean up, one more thing I needed to do, and I really just couldn't be bothered :-)

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 2, 2016 23:00:03 GMT -5 Elsa said:

He just said goodnight and said he was sorry. I said thank you. And he said "are you going to tell me you are sorry for snapping at me too?"


Lolololol fuck no. I snapped bc you were an asshole. Cause and effect motherfucker. I don't need to apologize. Try again.

Oh, Mr. Elsa.  You were so close.  SO CLOSE to redemption.  Now you're back to being the mayor of asshole-ville.

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 3, 2016 9:20:36 GMT -5 malibu said:

Aug 2, 2016 21:34:38 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

No jury of your peers would convict you.

Signed,

The woman who managed NOT to kill her husband who told her when the baby was about three months old how tired he was and how "It's different for you. You don't NEED sleep like I do."

What's that, motherfucker?

He never said that again.

How is he not dead again?

I had already just mopped the floor, I didn't want to have to do it again so quickly.

[eddy]

I remember with LeoI wore him in a sling from 5-8 PM every night. Which means I cooked and ate with him right there sometimes with the boob whipped out.

One night my back hurt so bad I asked H if he would wear the sling for dinner. He looked at me all exasperated "But....but how will I eat."

And then I murdered him.