I don't really know what i'm looking for here

[linzyloo]

Hi All, i'm not really sure what i'm looking for here. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks now due to relationship issues and well I guess i'm officially "starting over". My boyfriend of a year and I broke up the other night after he over reacted and blew up again (temper issues) and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what to tell my daughter, who has/had a good relationship with him and I just moved into an apartment that he was supposed to help me with financially. I can cover costs by myself for a little bit but due to his unemployment earlier this year my savings is almost down to nothing and i'm being laid off in two weeks due to the company I work for going under. 

I've been looking back over the last two days and am now finally noticing all the "red" flags I should have picked up from the beginning. The controlling who I talked to or when I got to see my friends, the money, the getting mad at everything and then flipping it around so I was the bad guy. Now he's talking about disappearing and killing himself, which he has threatened to do before and which is why I stayed the last time this happened. 

I'm sorry for the ramble i've never been a part of a message board before but don't have many irl friends anymore due to the relationship.

Thank you for reading if you did and any input or idea's for keeping strong would be greatly appreciated.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you had to experience all of that. Sometimes we ignore red flags and only see them in the end.
I'm very happy that you have gotten away from him. Don't let him manipulate you by saying he'll kill himself. It's more likely that he would hurt or kill you or your child if he has aggressive and abusive behavior. People like that only escalate and it is. It safe. Cut off all contact. I'm sorry he took advantage of you financially.
You should consider therapy.

ETA- my xh was controlling and verbally abusive--it escalated at the end and it became physical.
People like that are dangerous. I lived it, I know.

[glynn]

Sorry.....

[bullygirl979]

Do not let him manipulate you in to staying by saying he will kill himself. This is what manipulative people do. Cut all ties, block him from contacting you. DO NOT ENGAGE. And yes, like @blueyes623 said, therapy is a great idea. And yes, @32flavors is correct that it isn't wise to get yourself in to financial arrangements with people unless things are moving towards marriage. You never want financial issues causing you to stay with someone.

As for the red flags, I think we've all been there, done that. Hindsight is always 20/20. I've found that moving slowing helps me be in a better position to see those red flags early on. I would limit how many times a week that I would see BF so as to not do to a head over heels thing. I wanted a clear head.