Updated. I need help with my mom

[sequins]

PDQ anything. 

[sacattack]

At 55 your mother should be enjoying life, not winding down. Is she here with you? Is she active in her community? I would think that she needs to have a reason to get up each day - maybe she can join a club or volunteer someplace?

[sequins]

Aug 18, 2016 13:45:33 GMT -5 sacattack said:

She is here with me for a few months. She volunteers with an animal rescue back home. I'm glad you think that she should be enjoying life now. I totally agree.

[flex]

Is she post-menopausal? She could be depressed because of a lower hormone level. Does she exercise at all? She may need a physical to see if there's an underlying reason for feeling so rundown.

[drloretta]

Have you discussed this with her directly? As in, "Mom, this is the time I was looking forward to spending more time with you, now that I'm a full-fledged adult, and I don't know where this talk is coming from." If so, what was her reaction? Also, where is your dad? Is he around, does he feel the same way?

Has it almost become a habit for her to say, since her sisters are this way? I can say my DH's family is very negative, and it rubs off on everyone around them when they're together.

Can you plan some things for her to look forward to?

I can say she should be enjoying her life at 55. My parents both just turned 73 and are in the prime of their retirement. Still healthy enough to travel, are living in a kick ass location, and are pretty much spending down our inheritance, LOL. At 55 my dad was still working and my mom volunteered nearly every day.

[mrsukyankee]

I'm 47 and going through perimenopause and it can be rough on the body and soul. You start to feel invisible and un-needed (I don't but many of my friends who are in their mid-50s do). I agree with drloretta, that it makes sense to chat with her about it. My neighbours are in their 80s and very, very active in life with nary a thought about dying (they recognise it could come but not waiting for it).

[Gato]

This could be your mom's way of accepting that she's getting older. I know the past few years have been exhausting for me in a way that I never would have understood at 30, or even 40. in my case, I have two small kids who rely on me, and the example of my mom still going strong at 75. Those keep me motivated and looking forward to the future. But if I didn't have them, and the women around me were generally negative, I might feel the same as your mom.

IDK, here in the U.S. we are so insistent on keeping busy and on feeling fulfilled. But winding down isn't necessarily a bad thing, if that's a need your mom is truly feeling. If she's not depressed, and her outlook isn't being affected by a long-term health problem, maybe just enjoy relaxing and peaceful times with her? I personally wouldn't try to tell my own parents how they should feel.

[Pom]

sequins, I was sad for you and your mom reading this. I you guys are able to talk about it and I hope things improve. (hugs)

[scout8]

Why do you say she isn't depressed? I am definitely not an expert, but my first thought when reading your post was that she sounds depressed.

[TBM]

Aug 22, 2016 7:48:52 GMT -5 scout8 said:

Why do you say she isn't depressed? I am definitely not an expert, but my first thought when reading your post was that she sounds depressed.

This was my first thought too.   

Your mom is a little younger than I am, but she sounds more like my 87 yr old mom who (after the loss of my father and her mobility) does suffer from depression.

[auntie]

Sounds like depression.

With menopause, she could not be feeling herself. If she was a traditional homemaker and mother, she may feel adrift. How much care does your grandfather require and is that a burden for her.

[10nille]

Has she had a physical? Does she take vitamins?, D is a good one and pretty much everyone is low in it. It's interesting her sisters are the same way, perhaps their negativity plays into her attitude.

[scout8]

Nice update! I hope she enjoys the new job!!

[mrsukyankee]

I like the update!

[Gato]

Oh good! I'm really glad for her.

[flex]

This is a wonderful update. You're such a good daughter. You're there for her no matter what.

I hope this works out for her. Staying active and getting out of the house is so important to mental health. : )