Tips on divorce with small kids?

[Deleted]

My long time close friend back in NY texted me today that she and her H are getting legally separated. (Not sure why separated because it's not a state requirement, but I don't have details yet). She just said he will be moving out. They have a daughter who is two and a half.
She has a good family support system. His family was very supportive too--and helped a ton financially.
Any tips from a mom perspective that you could share? Things you wish you'd known or things that were helpful. I'm going to make time to see her during my short visit to NY in a few weeks and I'd like to help/do a nice gesture somehow. Any tips are appreciated. TIA

[dancelnow]

Keep whatever caused the divorce out of the coparenting situation if humanly possible. Mine was 5, but it's hard enough for them to grasp why the other parent isn't always there anymore. Try to limit that hurt by ensuring both parents have equal time and work well together.

[Mrs.Rad888]

I didn't do it, but I've heard good things about one or both parents seeing a counselor to figure out how to get through it without causing more animosity than necessary.

[sweetchix]

I'd suggest taking a coparenting class. I took one, XH did not, and while it was not mandatory, it was very helpful. Her attorney should be able to suggest a place that offers them.

[jenstar]

My XH and I separated when DS had just turned 2. I never had to explain why we weren't together anymore, I just told him that we were going to get our own house together for he and I and he was fine with that. And thankfully the only way he knows we were together in the past is from photos. Of course it might be harder for your friend and her DD if her H is an involved parent, I didn't have to deal with that.

I agree that a coparenting class or some therapy sessions together may help things go smoother.

I guess the only thing that really worried me back then was the time that I spent without DS. It was so hard at first but let her know that it gets much easier over time. x

[heywhat]

sweetchix, where did you find a class? I have asked my lawyer, counselor, and doctor. No one knows of anything. (We do live in a smaller city).

I divorced when DS was 2. XH was not an involved dad, so DS never asked any questions. After divorcing XH decided to became an involved parent and now my son does miss him when he is at my house.

Tips... I have the school provide two sets of documents for everything. That way the school is telling XH to do things, not me relaying a message. We also have online access to DS's medical records, so same thing there.

Also, document everything - communicate through email so there is a record.

[sweetchix]

heywhat, my attorney gave me the place. I actually think it was through Catholic Charities, but I'm not 100% sure.

[stephreloaded]

Aug 30, 2016 8:38:12 GMT -5 heywhat said:

sweetchix , where did you find a class? I have asked my lawyer, counselor, and doctor. No one knows of anything. (We do live in a smaller city).

I divorced when DS was 2. XH was not an involved dad, so DS never asked any questions. After divorcing XH decided to became an involved parent and now my son does miss him when he is at my house.

Tips... I have the school provide two sets of documents for everything. That way the school is telling XH to do things, not me relaying a message. We also have online access to DS's medical records, so same thing there.

Also, document everything - communicate through email so there is a record.

There are also online co-parenting classes. I had to take one and it was sort of common sense but it was good to be reminded that the interest of the child should come before the parents ego or need for control.