If you are childfree by choice, any regrets?

[BlondeSpiders]

This is directed at anyone who made a conscious choice not to have children.

Now that you're older, do you have any regrets, or wish you'd chosen differently?

Part of me feels like I should be regretful, but I'm still not. At 43, my window is still technically there, but my partner got the snip in his 20's and has never wanted kids either. Every once in a while I think, "man, it would be neat to share this family story or that bit of wisdom" with a kid, but not too often. I'm an only child, so I don't have any blood-related nieces or nephews on which to force my wisdom.

Just the other day I had this long thought process about how I could have been a good mom because I love kid-oriented things. Amusement parks, water parks, zoos, aquariums, hell, even petting zoos. I'm pretty much a big kid myself. But would I enjoy those things so much with a kid in tow?

I've known since I was 11 that I didn't want kids, and never felt a biological twinge in any way. You know how some women say their ovaries ache when they hold a baby? I think mine just shriveled up even tighter when I got near a baby.

Please share your thoughts on this rainy September afternoon.

[Captain Catnip]

I'm only 30 but my not wanting kids has gotten stronger as the years go on. I was sterilized about 4 years ago and just had a hysterectomy. People assume I'd be upset about not being able to have kids but really I feel fine. My brother is expecting his second and I'm not feeling any way toward it at all.

Re: zoo and such, I love stuff like that. I know it's not a kid, but we took a younger friend of H's a few years ago, he was maybe 20 at the time, and had never been to the zoo. It was very reminiscent of when I'm somewhere with my niece/nephews. Wanting stuff, can we do this? That? Go here? Go there? No I want to stand and watch the polar bears for 2 hours. It was exhausting and I could just walk away since he wasn't a kid.

[dorothyinAus]

I have no regrets, most of the time. I feel bad sometimes because I'll never share the things I loved to do as a child -- cooking and baking with my Mom, introducing my children to family traditions and local celebrations (Mardi Gras is great for kids), or having a legacy at my high school or college. And I worry about what will become of my stuff -- my books, my teddy bear, or all the special things I've kept.

But all those are selfish reasons to me to want to kids, and none of them are enough to counteract the fact that I simply do not want children. Most of the women in my family never had children, so I grew up with strong-willed child-free women as influences and it was not expected that anyone needed to have children.

I love my friends'/cousins' children. And I love that I get to spoil them. But most of all I love that they go home! I'm a selfish enough bitch to admit that I don't want to have to deal with all the yelling and screaming and fighting and disciplining. My childless great-aunt once told me she felt guilty enjoying her time with us, because it meant she got to experience only the good parts of having kids and none of the bad. I feel like that sometimes, but not enough to have mine own. I never wanted kids. I never even liked playing with baby dolls. My baby dolls were still like new when I gave them away.

As for the zoo, aquarium, museums, GO! Those places are great to visit as an adult. I love going to the zoo. My best birthday celebration so far has been a rainy day at the zoo with DH. It was so much fun. We got ponchos and saw all the animals enjoying the rain. I love visiting aquariums and museums as well. And I play with the kids exhibits -- why shouldn't I? I paid the admission charge and should be able to experience everything too.

[pretzel]

Sept 2, 2016 13:14:09 GMT -5 BlondeSpiders said:

do you have any regrets, or wish you'd chosen differently?

Part of me feels like I should be regretful, but I'm still not. At 43, my window is still technically there, but my partner got the snip in his 20's and has never wanted kids either. Every once in a while I think, "man, it would be neat to share this family story or that bit of wisdom" with a kid, but not too often. I'm an only child, so I don't have any blood-related nieces or nephews on which to force my wisdom.

Just the other day I had this long thought process about how I could have been a good mom because I love kid-oriented things. Amusement parks, water parks, zoos, aquariums, hell, even petting zoos. I'm pretty much a big kid myself. But would I enjoy those things so much with a kid in tow?

I babysat for 10 years before graduating college, so I feel like I got all my kid nurturing then. By the time I graduated, I'd done enough. 

In my mid 30s I ran into some severe health problems so I figured it worked out for the best--parenting while ill isn't ideal. People who are sick can be amazing parents, but that particular struggle is something I am happy I avoided.

[mrsukyankee]

I don't have kids at 47. I never had a burning desire for them but was willing to try for my DH (who really wanted them). We couldn't. And I'm happy. Even DH is very happy - he now says he's glad more often than not that we don't have kids because our lives are so good. He's seen the lives of some of his friends and how tough it can be. Some may call it selfish, but I call it being realistic. I have nothing against kids - I work with 11+ yr olds and love it - but I'm happy to have my dog and husband (and a lot of extra money and time).

[heliocentric]

I'm 44 and DH is 46 and we have no regrets so far. Like you, I never really had the urge and never got those mushy feelings from holding a baby.

I do occasionally wonder if I will regret it at some point. Particularly when we're much older and have no one to help us. Of course having kids is no guarantee that they will be willing and/or able to help, so that's not a valid reason. I just know what I'd do for my parents and it makes me sad to think no one will be around to do that for DH & me. Still, it's usually fleeting and doesn't sway me to change my mind.

I also have moments where I can imagine how special it might be share something with a child. For example, there are some family recipes that only I know how to make and it makes me sad that they might not get passed on. (Unless my cousins and their kids show an interest.) Usually I get sad about that for a bit and move on. I think it's normal to mourn these kinds of things, just as I imagine you can always wonder what it would be like to make a different choice of spouse, or job, college degree, place to live, whatever...

So I guess I have moments where I wonder "what if," but I can't say I've experienced regret.

[Pom]

Well, I THINK I have no regrets. Then I woke up from a dream this morning where Mr. P said he was leaving me because I lied to him and didn't give him a baby. I woke up very upset...not because I wanted the baby, but more so that he was leaving.

At 46/45, we are too old for babydom. I do feel like we would have been good parents, but we married late and Mr. P's work schedule really wasn't great for kids. We did not actively prevent or pursue having a baby. I've now had a hysterectomy and we were both okay with it. We do have two nieces and a great niece we love like our own kids and lots of friends' kiddos that we get to enjoy...I think we are perfectly content with our child free choice.

[Deleted]

No regrets at all. I have never wanted kids for as long as I can remember. My H feels the same, we're both 43 and married 19 years. We've never looked back and had second thoughts.

When my H and I got married, we honeymooned in Disney World. We had the BEST time! Went on all of the rides, ate way to much sugar, etc.

I say you and your H should go and do all of those things you want to do (amusement parks, museums, trips); and try not to let an activity that you think is kid-oriented sway you from doing it. If you want to go to the fair and ride all of the spinning rides, do it and have a blast. Go to the zoo and make a day of it. Have FUN.

[tillie]

No regrets. I'm 45 and DH is 49. Due to health issues that ship has definitely sailed, but I don't have any regrets (yet). I'm not a "kid person."

[mich1]

Nope, none.

All those people who told me I'd regret it were wrong.

[phoenixrising]

I have a list of reasons I am glad to not have kids. It includes things like: (a) no need to worry about anyone's nap schedule but my own, (b) no need to help anyone with homework, (c) no need to ever scoop the guts out a pumpkin ever again, (d) no need to watch kids TV shows, and (e) the ability to go on whatever rides I want at amusement parks. I am a NICU nurse and love babies, but I don't particularly enjoy children. I did have stepkids (they are grown now), but I have not been in contact with them since a bit after my divorce.

I do occasionally wonder if I might find myself adopting a preschool-aged kid someday. I am 40 now, so I do have time for that. I have been super involved in "working on myself" (therapy), and I do not think now would be the time to do that (plus I am in school for a post-Masters), but maybe once I am settled in a house (I plan to buy next year) and a new career, it could make sense.

[lemons]

Sept 11, 2016 9:09:13 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

No regrets. And I am hesitant to date someone with kids but am somewhat open to it, depending on lots of things.

I was CFNBC and many have said now I have the opportunity to be a mom by dating someone with kids....but I'm so not interested in being a mom any more.

[Deleted]

Oct 4, 2016 10:31:58 GMT -5 lemons said:

Sept 11, 2016 9:09:13 GMT -5 @blushnbashful said:

No regrets. And I am hesitant to date someone with kids but am somewhat open to it, depending on lots of things.

I was CFNBC and many have said now I have the opportunity to be a mom by dating someone with kids....but I'm so not interested in being a mom any more.

I get that.  Do you rule out dating men with kids completely?  Or kids of certain ages?

[dirtyred]

Sept 2, 2016 13:14:09 GMT -5 BlondeSpiders said:

This is directed at anyone who made a conscious choice not to have children.

Now that you're older, do you have any regrets, or wish you'd chosen differently?

Part of me feels like I should be regretful, but I'm still not. At 43, my window is still technically there, but my partner got the snip in his 20's and has never wanted kids either. Every once in a while I think, "man, it would be neat to share this family story or that bit of wisdom" with a kid, but not too often. I'm an only child, so I don't have any blood-related nieces or nephews on which to force my wisdom.

Just the other day I had this long thought process about how I could have been a good mom because I love kid-oriented things. Amusement parks, water parks, zoos, aquariums, hell, even petting zoos. I'm pretty much a big kid myself. But would I enjoy those things so much with a kid in tow?

I've known since I was 11 that I didn't want kids, and never felt a biological twinge in any way. You know how some women say their ovaries ache when they hold a baby? I think mine just shriveled up even tighter when I got near a baby.

Please share your thoughts on this rainy September afternoon.

These are all MUCH MORE FUN without kids.

[childofhiphop]

Oct 7, 2016 17:58:41 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

Sept 2, 2016 13:14:09 GMT -5 BlondeSpiders said:

This is directed at anyone who made a conscious choice not to have children.

Now that you're older, do you have any regrets, or wish you'd chosen differently?

Part of me feels like I should be regretful, but I'm still not. At 43, my window is still technically there, but my partner got the snip in his 20's and has never wanted kids either. Every once in a while I think, "man, it would be neat to share this family story or that bit of wisdom" with a kid, but not too often. I'm an only child, so I don't have any blood-related nieces or nephews on which to force my wisdom.

Just the other day I had this long thought process about how I could have been a good mom because I love kid-oriented things. Amusement parks, water parks, zoos, aquariums, hell, even petting zoos. I'm pretty much a big kid myself. But would I enjoy those things so much with a kid in tow?

I've known since I was 11 that I didn't want kids, and never felt a biological twinge in any way. You know how some women say their ovaries ache when they hold a baby? I think mine just shriveled up even tighter when I got near a baby.

Please share your thoughts on this rainy September afternoon.

These are all MUCH MORE FUN without kids.

Second that! My (grown) niece has decided that she wants a "cool" marriage when the time comes to include date night at Six Flags and traveling the world too.

[treedimensional]

OMG, NO REGRETS. Not even a TINY one!
I knew as a very young child this was NOT a desirable life choice! With each passing year, I am even happier about my decision!
Without any doubt, it's the single smartest financial move of my life. My life is so much more fufilled without children. My schedule is flexible. I can travel (and I can afford to). I never had to plan around them or put my dreams, my career, or my education on hold. I've been able to contribute so much more to society, and focus on making my community better, while parents are staying home, focusing on their kids and their strained budgets. I still can't wrap my brain around why so many people want them SO BADLY.

[caddywompus]

Nope, no regrets. I can't imagine doing everything I do, and having to take care of kids at the same time. There aren't enough hours in the day. I have always been career driven, so it wouldn't be fair to have a kid and not be able to devote as much time to it as I know they need. I am an awesome aunt though!

[mysterons]

I'm 40. No regrets so far.

Full disclosure: I've never been super cautious about preventing a pregnancy. Sometimes I wish for a mistake, in the words of Gwen Stefani. I think it would be wonderful in theory to have a child with my current partner because I love him so much. But the day-to-day taking care of a child part does not appeal to me at all. I want to travel, have extra money, and sleep in on the weekends.

[mdgirl]

I'm 40 and basically have never wanted a kid. No regrets here. I've always had a lot of good reasons for it, but the past few years I've also come to realize I just don't think we'd be good parents. I am not mommy material (I'm an ice queen and need lots of alone time) and my husband's work schedule is too crazy, which would put most of the duties into me, which would just make me angry (and an even worse mom).

[BlondeSpiders]

I have so many reasons for not wanting kids, but it always comes down to this main one: I really think I'd be a terrible mother. When I am pressed for a reason from (usually) strangers or acquaintances, this is what I say. It amazes me how many people try to assure me I'm wrong. Because parenthood is definitely something you should make yourself do, even if you don't want to! WTF, people? *I* know me, and I know better than anyone what type of parent I'd be. I have a short temper and I lash out. I don't need to inflict that upon anyone else, let alone a baby.