Tell me about your relationship with your in laws

[NitaX]

We have no real relationship with my H's family. Out of 5 kids, he is the only sane one. My MIL is an alcoholic, so my H chooses not to deal with her because she is verbally abusive. She calls him and leaves very nasty voicemails. His sisters and brother only call us when they need money. The sis closest to him in age, I've named Pandora because she only calls with problems. Who knows what will come out of the box when she calls us.

We're only close to his sane uncle who lives on the Gulf Coast. After that, we fools with no one. My family is fine for the most part, so my H gets all his normal family love from my folks. Unless we count my father who - well - just ain't wrapped tight and lives in a Mad Men fantasy world.

[dreamcrisp1]

I really like them. My FMIL can be crazy at times but I usually divert to my bf. Sometimes she says things and I'm like.... Wtf?

I don't really care for my bfs SIL but luckily they live in Australia. I adore his brother though.

FIL is great.

[andwhat]

Ha. My MIL is...special. Things have gotten better since having a kid, but she is still...special. My FIL is very nice, but just old. H's parents are closer to my grandmother's age than my parents. My SIL is great. She loves DD like crazy and we get along well. We would probably be closer if we were closer in age. She is in her 50's. H also has brother's but the gap is even greater than that of him and his sister, so they are not that close.

IL's are bad with money. So we have to deal with all those issues since MIL thinks we are loaded for some reason. She never goes to SIL for money (to my knowledge). And the other kids are a mess. So that isn't happening. We fully expect for them to have to come live with us in the future and planned for this in our new home. None of their other kids would have done this even if they had the means. :eye roll:

My issues with MIL started when H and I were dating and she thought I was Hispanic (why that would be an issue I don't know) and asked him why did he have to date a Hispanic girl with all the black girls out there. Once she realized that I am in fact black, she changed my name from what I guess she felt was Hispanic sounded to a variation that is more black sounding to her. Then at the wedding she told my mom that she was going to have to accept the fact that I was stealing her baby.

At DD's birthday party MIL asked my cousin who does not look pregnant at all if she was. SMH H's only response is "something is wrong with her."

I can't really complain too much because MIL runs a daycare/preschool and lets DD attend for free. We are truly grateful for that. Even with its issues.

[kicks]

My boyfriends parents live overseas so I've only met them once (they're divorced) but we FaceTime often with his mom and siblings.

His dad is crazy though which provides entertaining stories. He's 80 and very very intelligent, but like in the conspiracy theory way as well.

He spends his days reading internet articles and on Facebook.

He often messages my boyfriend telling him to take down his Facebook posts because he knows the government is going to come after my boyfriend for his political posts :/ Like, he's legit concerned that the US government is going to make my boyfriend disappear.

He also went on a rant about "bastard" children out of wedlock when he had 2 kids in his 60s with a younger woman and they weren't married.

The stories go on for days.

[NinaSimone]

My MIL once invited me out to lunch just to tell me that I was rude and inconsiderate, so our relationship isn't the best. She doesn't understand me and hasn't tried to really. Since I'm not who/how she dreamed I'd be we aren't very close. We get along superficially, but there's always an underlying tension on both of our parts. H is an only child so I have no BIL/SIL.

[dreamcrisp1]

Oh his SIL once threw a tantrum because I made breakfast since she was sleeping and we were starving. She also would always come and change the channel when I was watching tv. Without asking. This was like the first time I ever met her too.

[raangoli]

My in laws are wonderful people and have always made me feel welcome and a part of the family. My mom has said over and over again how glad she is that I have a MIL who is so kind and that she's glad I didn't end up with an awful Indian MIL. lol

[NitaX]

Sept 6, 2016 10:07:12 GMT -5 andwhat said:

Ha. My MIL is...special. Things have gotten better since having a kid, but she is still...special. My FIL is very nice, but just old. H's parents are closer to my grandmother's age than my parents. My SIL is great. She loves DD like crazy and we get along well. We would probably be closer if we were closer in age. She is in her 50's. H also has brother's but the gap is even greater than that of him and his sister, so they are not that close.

IL's are bad with money. So we have to deal with all those issues since MIL thinks we are loaded for some reason. She never goes to SIL for money (to my knowledge). And the other kids are a mess. So that isn't happening. We fully expect for them to have to come live with us in the future and planned for this in our new home. None of their other kids would have done this even if they had the means. :eye roll:

GIRL. I swear it's because it's two people working. Folks always think we're loaded with money. Ever heard of BILLS people? Food, utilities, car insurance, mortgage, student loans. Those pesky things? My mom, bless her heart, is notorious for asking me for money. My answer is always - BILLS. She told me one day "You're the brokest, workingest person I know." NAWL. It's just that I have BILLS and kids. I'm not paying for your life and mine. I've been on my own with my own bills since I was 22. And hell, even when I lived in her house, I was paying for my sister's clothes and what not.

I'm also preparing for the day my mom has to move in with us. She and my baby sister aren't on speaking terms, and my middle sister might kill her because they're always bickering about something. 

Now, my MIL, that thang ain't never setting foot in our house let alone living with us in her old age. We'll find some money to put her in a home or something, but she for dayum sure can't live with us.

[brandnewday]

My sister's ILs are awesome. We spend pretty much every holiday together. We know we can call them when we need to. They make our family stronger.

Mine on the other hand, are kind of garbage. Don't visit, only call on his birthday -- and to tell him about the latest family member in jail. They complain about money, but have weed money all the time. Write us on fb telling us that we're lame for not seeing them. They are not active in H's life, nor mine (which I'm fine with). I can see H's efforts and his heart in trying to be part of their lives. They just don't seem to reciprocate.

[sunshine608]

My MIL and Step-FIL and their kids and stepkids are awesome people- I love them and am blessed to have them in my life.

Now my Bio-FIL is a hot ass mess. We were at my SIL"s baby shower last year and he showed up- not to see his kids/ grand kids but to try and re-kindle it with SIL's mom ( I hope that makes sense). Then he comes up to me and asks have we met! I've been married to your son for 7 years ( then) and we dated in HS and college. So almost 15 years!!!!! Yes we have met! I mean he wasn't invited to the wedding b/c when H called to tell him, he told him don't do it. At the shower He made no effort to see or interact with DS- not even a hey little man. Not even going into the time he offered to let my husband sleep with some one or his advice on getting a woman with low self-esteem or keeping one on the side. I'm so grateful for my Step-FIL (and MIL) who was there to counteract the BS he tried to teach H.

SIL (sister on his bio dad's side) and I have not had the best relationship either. She disliked me because I "changed" her brother. And my change I mean he took the SAT and decided to go to college. She also wasn't invited to our wedding and we didn't speak for like 5 years ( we lived local for 3 of those) until recently- like when my son was born. Since then we talk more than she does with my Husband and its sill a little awkward.

[sweetday]

With FIL - yes. He is spacey and bad with money but he's ok.

With MIL - not really. We used to and then I got pregnant. She's been a pain ever since.
But to hear her tell it shes the BEST GRANDMA.
She is a passive aggressive, holier than thou, loud speaking hypocrite and drives me insane.

[iammalcolmx]

I am so glad you posted this because I was going to ask for help. I need to find a book that addresses Colorism . On Saturday my MIL and I were at this americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/archive/2016/vanvechten/


I don't know what photograph sparked this but she walked over to me and said " You know one of my clients* recently told me that the light skinned slaves worked in the house and the darker ones worked outside" My face was like this ^o) as I said " ANNNNNDDDDDD they were the children of the rapist who owned them"

Lord help. It's 2016 , I don't even know what to say but she needs some lessons. HELP ME!


To answer the original question my IL's are great when they are not getting on my nerves. I do get pissed at them choosing apartments with one bathroom when we rent places overseas. It's dead wrong.

[callie]

H's parents are that married couple that should have divorced decades ago. MIL stays because she can't financially support herself and FIL is codependent on her so he's content wallowing in the misery. They've placed a lot of their issues on H's shoulder so he has turned into their therapist, financial advisor, and life coach. I have a superficial relationship with them both and that's the best it's going to get.

[thejackpot]

My FIL is deceased and I never met him.
My MIL and my SIL live together. SIL has never lived on her own despite having a child. I don't have a relationship with either of them. Despite living less than 30 mins away from us I see them maybe 1-2 times per year. There was a time in my younger, dumber days that I wanted a relationship with them but when people are meh about your children it's easy to cut them off. Her gushing over them when she sees them always makes me rage. Que "you're a fake baby" song!

[meshaliuknits]

MIL, FIL, SIL and BIL are perfectly nice people with whom I have H and my kids in common. They're fine, I just don't wanna hang out with them. None of us have anything to say to each other.

H's extended family, though... I'm glad we only see every other year. Because I have suspicions about some of those folks and there are others I already wouldn't let my kids hang out with alone. H gives them the side eye too.

[meshaliuknits]

Sept 6, 2016 11:59:43 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

To answer the original question my IL's are great when they are not getting on my nerves. I do get pissed at them choosing apartments with one bathroom when we rent places overseas. It's dead wrong.

Legitimate complaint.

[NitaX]

Sept 6, 2016 11:59:43 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

I am so glad you posted this because I was going to ask for help. I need to find a book that addresses Colorism . On Saturday my MIL and I were at this americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/archive/2016/vanvechten/


I don't know what photograph sparked this but she walked over to me and said " You know one of my clients* recently told me that the light skinned slaves worked in the house and the darker ones worked outside" My face was like this as I said " ANNNNNDDDDDD they were the children of the rapist who owned them"

Lord help. It's 2016 , I don't even know what to say but she needs some lessons. HELP ME!


To answer the original question my IL's are great when they are not getting on my nerves. I do get pissed at them choosing apartments with one bathroom when we rent places overseas. It's dead wrong.

The Color Complex

[aqualuv]

It's so so. My FIL is alright, can be annoying. My MIL is crazy and a idiot. They live 2.5 hours away and never come see us. We always have to travel to them. I guess I should be lucky they even came to our wedding. I have no real relationship with my SIL. We are completely different so nothing to bond on. We are cordial and get along.

[redwino]

I get along well with MIL, FIL, and SMIL because I rarely see or talk to them. It's easy to get along with people you spend fewer than 10 hours with a year. They live about 90 minutes away but we see them twice a year, Christmas Eve and a random Saturday. I used to be offended by their lack of interest in our life but I've learned to let that go. I'm not even very bothered at the lack interest in DD. Sometimes I'm hurt for DH but he tries not to let it bother him so I don't dwell either. Just a list of things:

-FIL had a baby and later married SMIL without saying a peep to his kids.
-FIL moved and said nothing.
-Neither FIL or MIL notifies us when extended family visits so DH never gets to see them.
-Both regularly come to our city for fun and work but never bother to call to meet up or come to our home.

BIL is a whole other story. He and DH are really close and that has been rough our marriage. BIL and I have had ups and throwdowns but age has mellowed us both out. He's a mess and DH has always tried to bail him out and fix his fuckups. It used to cause a lot of fights between us.

[05heel]

My MIL is an idiot.

[dowagercountess]

I love my deafass former MIL, whom I have known since I was 14, before she was deaf.

I did watch her bounce one of my BIL's baby mamas down some steps once, after my FIL's funeral.

[starlily]

MIL started out pretty crazy, but has mellowed over the years. She no longer brings half a thrift shop into our house when she comes over, so that's a huge improvement. But I'm sure she still thinks I'm too fat even though she hasn't said anything about that since I first started dating H.

FIL and SMIL are cool with me, but it's always kind of awkward when we visit because H had a very, very rocky relationship with them from his teens until around the time we got married. His dad had cheated on his mom with SMIL, and they've been married 25+ years now. H had a lot of resentments about the whole situation.

H's sister and her H are cool, but we're not super close or anything. But we have enough in common to be able to hang out together or even travel together.

My brother's wife is a selfish, heinous bitch who needs Jesus, meds, or both. I haven't talked to her in 5 years, ever since she said horribly cruel things to me within an hour after we buried my dad. More recently, she has refused to let my brother help with care for my mom. Karma needs to get her, and get her good.

[Black Lavender]

My in laws are good people...and thank goodness bc they live with us (in an in law suite that has its own entrance!). Now my SIL on the other hand is an entitled $!&%) who I can't stand. Four years ago, my in-laws, DH & I decided to swap houses. They had a large 4+ BR house on like 2 acres in a great school district, we lived in a 3BR townhouse in a great neighborhood, but not so great school district. My SIL (who still lived at home) found out and pitched a fit. So...my in-laws decided to give her the townhouse and we'd build them an in-law suite at our house. We bought their property and they bought ours, she moved into the townhouse, but they pay the mortgage. She refused to get a roommate to help with the costs because she "needed a room for her shoes". She's also "dating" a guy she met at the Verizon store, who has a son from a previous relationship whom he shares custody with his sons mom. Pretty normal, right? Except that the son is 5 and when it's the dad's turn to have him, the mother comes and stays too because she can't be away from the kid. (She lives 35 minutes away). At least that was the boyfriends explanation as to why the mother has a key and stuff at his house. I just can't deal with her

Sent from my XT1096 using proboards

[sfy]

freedom, you did this, honey! This thread is outstanding.

I'm going to go ahead and give a summary also. I will delete, PDQ.

[sfy]

Sept 6, 2016 18:19:52 GMT -5 Black Lavender said:

Except that the son is 5 and when it's the dad's turn to have him, the mother comes and stays too because she can't be away from the kid. (She lives 35 minutes away). At least that was the boyfriends explanation as to why the mother has a key and stuff at his house.

[oliviapope]

There used to be drama but it's all cleared up for the most part. But damn if my MIL didn't use to work my fucking nerves lol.

[dreamcrisp1]

Oh the 2nd time I went to my bfs house for dinner, his mom called me by his ex's name. I will never forget it. Lol. Clearly. It's been over 2 years since then.

[imobviouslystaying]

My mommy in law in a sweetheart but you didn't want to hear all that.

My former MIL is a hosebeast who is not permitted to call me or my phone. When my oldest was little, she used to pester me about cutting his curls off, said he was getting a fro. She only shut up when I told her that if she didn't, I would let it grow until it was long enough for cornrows.

[borinquen57]

We had a lot of drama since we started dating young but we get along pretty well now, my FIL is my favorite, though. They're very good grandparents and stay in their lane most of the time. The one that concerns me is one of my SILs and one of the BILs. SIL and I are good, but I always feel like she has something up her sleeve and BIL is a bossy, loudmouth who's been on my shitlist since our wedding shower. They're the only two that I worry about having any kind of influence over H if/when we were to divorce. He's the youngest of 6 and gets treated as such, and those two are very into being right and "winning", they're also not good with boundaries and that's been the source of the issues with them.

[starlily]

Just found out step-SIL got divorced from her husband of almost 10 years and now has a female partner, all within the last 9-10 months.

Step-SIL always seemed to have a permanent frown on her face. Maybe she'll be happier now.