Fighting the "Bubble"

[raangoli]

Forgive me if this comes off as long and all over the place, but that's kind of where my head is right now.

I am a first generation Indian American. My parents lived in NYC when my brother and I were born but moved out to rural NJ because they thought that was better for us growing up. But that made it so that we were the only brown kids (or even often minority) in the whole school. There were a few other Indian families around, but they sent their kids to private school, so really, I grew up in a white bubble.

We grew up learning our culture though and were raised in a similar fashion to my parents. I'm fluent in both English (obviously) and Gujarati. I can skate by on my Hindi skills. My parents did try to assimilate though and we did typical "American" things as well. They even decided that we would eat meat and even beef for a period (which looking back now is sort of WTF considering how religious my parents are, but I get that they were trying to blend). 

When I went away to college, I went to a school with some diversity, but it was still very white. I joined the Asian American club and made some friends, but I still didn't have many Indian friends. To this day, my best friends are white. It never really bothers me because that's all I've known, but sometimes I wish I had someone that really knew where I was coming from. 

Anyway, now I am a mom to a 7 month old half Indian, half Italian/Irish/other baby. I want to make sure that she grows up learning her culture. I've started to speak to her in Gujarati sometimes and I encourage my parents to speak to her in Gujarati as well. One of her bedtime stories is about the various Hindu Gods and Goddesses. When she's old enough I will send her to the equivalent to Indian Sunday School so she can learn the things I never really did (I feel sad that they didn't have this when I was growing up).

Other than making sure she's exposed to diverse cultures and people (I am glad she's already getting this a bit at daycare), what can I do to fight living in the bubble? I've taken notes of the books and links shared on MMM. I want to make sure that she is aware and proud of her culture and heritage but aware of others as well. 

[raangoli]

@barefootbarista, Thanks! Those suggestions are great. We did go to the local Italian fest this weekend, but I like the idea of the others as well. Plus that means we can sample food/culture/music all in one.

[raangoli]

Sept 6, 2016 10:37:23 GMT -5 @natariru said:

It sounds like there are 2 main things here:
1- making sure your DD learns about her culture
2 - providing her with opportunities to make friends with people like her as well as people from different backgrounds (cultural, socioeconomic, etc).

The 1st one is easier to do (in my opinion). You live in an area with a very large Indian population. Have you looked into anything for babies/toddlers in the town that starts w/ an E by the mall?

For my own kids, I am diligent about speaking to them in Portuguese, reading lots of books about Brazilian folklore, singing songs, eating foods, speaking to my parents, etc. My parents' neighborhood has a large Brazilian population so restaurants & activities are easy to find. S will start capoeira when he turns 4.

I'm struggling with the 2nd piece now that H & I are talking about selling our home. We live in a diverse neighborhood now but we are growing out of our house quickly. We talked about moving to nicer, surrounding towns and looking at the demographics in the elementary schools - 89% white, 0% English Lang Learners, 0% free lunch... No. Not doing that to my children. I think school is the primary place to provide these opportunities, no?

Yes, thank you for breaking down my long, rambling post

The first is definitely easier. To be honest, it's also a reminder to me that I've drifted further from my own culture than I would like. We actually used to live in that town you mentioned but moved to our current one a few years ago. So I went from potentially having my kid blend in (as much as she could) to not really fitting in unless she chooses to be more white. Sigh. I can start her on the Indian "sunday school" in a few years (probably when she's around S's age) so I'll definitely do that. 

The second is definitely harder. My school district is just like you described (and maybe one you looked into?). I will say that I've been actively trying to get friends with children to move to our town to help with the diversity factor. So far, there are no takers. She will stay at the daycare (hopefully) through kindergarten and will be exposed to more diversity there, but not really so much from a SES standpoint since it's through work. That is something we will have to work on as she gets older perhaps through volunteering etc. 

And yes to the play dates! For now she's just a smooshy lump, but she loves singing (even in terrible form like mine!).

[sent]

Sept 6, 2016 10:37:23 GMT -5 @natariru said:

It sounds like there are 2 main things here:
1- making sure your DD learns about her culture
2 - providing her with opportunities to make friends with people like her as well as people from different backgrounds (cultural, socioeconomic, etc).

The 1st one is easier to do (in my opinion). You live in an area with a very large Indian population. Have you looked into anything for babies/toddlers in the town that starts w/ an E by the mall?

For my own kids, I am diligent about speaking to them in Portuguese, reading lots of books about Brazilian folklore, singing songs, eating foods, speaking to my parents, etc. My parents' neighborhood has a large Brazilian population so restaurants & activities are easy to find. S will start capoeira when he turns 4.

I'm struggling with the 2nd piece now that H & I are talking about selling our home. We live in a diverse neighborhood now but we are growing out of our house quickly. We talked about moving to nicer, surrounding towns and looking at the demographics in the elementary schools - 89% white, 0% English Lang Learners, 0% free lunch... No. Not doing that to my children. I think school is the primary place to provide these opportunities, no?

I live very close to this mall! As far as I know, there aren't really any things for babies or toddlers but I also haven't admittedly looked very closely. I was thinking to get DD involved in some of the nearby temples as she grows up, as soon as I am mobile enough to take her there.

[raangoli]

Sept 6, 2016 11:08:44 GMT -5 sent said:

Sept 6, 2016 10:37:23 GMT -5 @natariru said:

It sounds like there are 2 main things here:
1- making sure your DD learns about her culture
2 - providing her with opportunities to make friends with people like her as well as people from different backgrounds (cultural, socioeconomic, etc).

The 1st one is easier to do (in my opinion). You live in an area with a very large Indian population. Have you looked into anything for babies/toddlers in the town that starts w/ an E by the mall?

For my own kids, I am diligent about speaking to them in Portuguese, reading lots of books about Brazilian folklore, singing songs, eating foods, speaking to my parents, etc. My parents' neighborhood has a large Brazilian population so restaurants & activities are easy to find. S will start capoeira when he turns 4.

I'm struggling with the 2nd piece now that H & I are talking about selling our home. We live in a diverse neighborhood now but we are growing out of our house quickly. We talked about moving to nicer, surrounding towns and looking at the demographics in the elementary schools - 89% white, 0% English Lang Learners, 0% free lunch... No. Not doing that to my children. I think school is the primary place to provide these opportunities, no?

I live very close to this mall! As far as I know, there aren't really any things for babies or toddlers but I also haven't admittedly looked very closely. I was thinking to get DD involved in some of the nearby temples as she grows up, as soon as I am mobile enough to take her there.

I am going to PM you - I had no idea you were so close! 

[skwcm80]

I can relate to your feelings raangoli . I'm first generation Nigerian- American, and struggle because I want to make sure my children grow up feeling as connected to that part of them as possible. Especially since J is not of Nigerian descent. I cook them a variety of Nigerian dishes, speaking to them about the culture, and playing them to the music. We have been fortunate enough to be able to take them to visit, and I hope to be able to take them back soon.

We don't have any family close by, but luckily our village has grown over the last few years so my kids have exposure to diversity in their day to day life.

[raangoli]

Thanks ladies. I appreciate your perspectives and hearing how you've tried to expose your little ones to more. My day got busy since I had to take BB (blizzard baby is DD's nickname here on the boards as she was born unexpectedly in a blizzard) to the doctor for a cough, so I haven't been able to respond as in depth as I'd like to.

[nsuhomer]

I was raised very similarly. We always joked that we were lucky if there were five brown kids in our school (I have three sisters...).

We primarily combat it by traveling. Any and everywhere. We also listen and watch non-American media and music. I can't stop them from loving Taylor swift, but they also love Michel Telo and Juanes. lol. Also, Dominican salons are such a big part of life for us. They are learning almost a type of comfort and mannerisms and colloquialisms, and we eat and sing and dance.

The best thing my parents did for my sisters and me was sending us back home to live with family in high school. I got to live in a hit in the forest, and in an overcrowded home with rolling blackouts in the city. I have never felt more connected or at home. We plan on doing the same with our kids.