Step-parent transition

[heywhat]

My boyfriend and I are pretty serious and are discussing getting engaged and living together. 

My son is 4 and has been gradually getting to know my boyfriend over time.  Started out meeting him at group gatherings several months into our relationship >> fast forward a few years to now >> eating family dinner at least once a week, attending his soccer games, vacationing together, etc. 

Since my son is 4, I am not sure how to approach moving in together and getting married, since I am not 100% sure he knows what being married means.  My current plan is to say "Boyfriend and I are getting married and that means we will be a family together. We love each other and we love you."  I don't plan on calling him step-dad.  Since my boyfriend works long hours, I expect my son and I wills till have time with just the two of us, so that might help the transition. 

Can anyone offer advice on what they did that went well or not-so-well when blending families? 

[jellymankelly]

Mine went scary well, so maybe we just haven't hit the rough patches yet?

I just did a lot of talking about it in a positive way, and I regularly asked if there was anything they wanted to talk about with regard to the wedding and the move. Once my 6 year old realized he was going to get to take all his stuff, he was good to go. My 10 year old is old enough to understand things a lot better, so he never really had questions. They do call him their step-dad, and my H and I are very careful not to do a step-dad vs. dad thing. As far as the boys know, my H and I are their dad's best friends, and we'd never do anything to try to get in between his relationship with them. It's been really great so far. H, me, XH, and his GF are working really well as a team, and it has helped the kids a lot with the transition.

[glynn]

My kids were older 12 & 14 so it really was a non issue. He spent a lot of time with us so it really just meant we were moving and living together. My kids called their step-dad by his name. After DD2 cam along for her they called him Pop which is what she called him. But they also used his name.