No but she did block me on IG. Honestly, I expected a lot more from her. She never struck me as one to shy away from a conversation.
I've been blocked and removed on both IG and FB.
I am disappointed and surprised.
I feel like @kirkette is not.
I got the boot on FB but not IG. I was mildly surprised and disappointed at first but I think what I'm feeling now is...ambivalent I guess? I'm not sure that's the right word though.
I am uncomfortable with this line of commentary. Knowing other parts of her backstory, it seems like shaming people with struggle with anxiety or depression or similar mental health struggles.
Bragging about high sex drive is one thing, but this... yuck.
I'll edit the remark. Thank you. It wasn't cool of me.
I just want to use the above as a demonstration of how someone admits their fault and fixes themselves. And after this post Tami also apologized for dragging mental health into stuff. It's always better to not say something from the start but we aren't perfect. This is how you do better.
Did @this deactivate here? Because you know what, now I'm pissed.
This board has literally ground to a halt to respond to @this 's questions. 5 pages in response to a post about baby names, with people encouraging her to choose the name she wants bc eff the father/husband, pages in response to a vacation question, etc. we supported her through her miscarriage and current pregnancy in a way we have not done for any other poster.
And that's all fine. That's all good. That's all part of being in a community and a circle of friends.
But now that someone has said "hey answer for this shit that all your white friends [including me] didn't notice, or care to notice, if you still want to contribute to this commhnity" she goes quiet, defriends, and blocks.
It makes me feel used. It makes me feel like this board was around for her as long as it benefited her and she could dominate it. Now that @kirkette has called her out, she has peaced out.
That's just.....well. This isn't about me so I'm sorry for turning this around.
Post by cincodemayo on Sept 10, 2016 14:31:14 GMT -5
I have some strange feelings about the this stuff here.
There are a lot of women in here, all ready to pat themselves on the back that they aren't racist because they weren't in that GroupChat or because they weren't called out directly by @kirkette. It seems really icky to me because I know that a lot of those women were the same women (myself included!!!) liking this's comments and whatnot back in the day. Like bex said, we didn't notice, or care to notice what it meant and now that it's been brought to light the rest of us get to sit here like, "Thank goodness I never said anything like that!" or "Thank goodness I didn't get CAUGHT saying something like that." Think about that some, guys. YOU AREN'T INNOCENT EITHER. Don't roll up in here ready to place all the blame on her when you were liking what she posted. Own it yourself, too. I'm also surprised she hasn't said anything here, but come on, man. We were all liking her posts.
Post by TamiTaylor on Sept 10, 2016 14:35:24 GMT -5
I went on a mass FB deleted when thread first started. Some were posters that had nothing to do with shit but I just didn't want that many people out there with my real info.
Post by TamiTaylor on Sept 10, 2016 14:42:49 GMT -5
@kirkette, I hope you were able to get some rest or will be able to soon. I was thinking about that I was putting my kid down to a nap and was yes I get to go nap now.
Did @this deactivate here? Because you know what, now I'm pissed.
This board has literally ground to a halt to respond to @this 's questions. 5 pages in response to a post about baby names, with people encouraging her to choose the name she wants bc eff the father/husband, pages in response to a vacation question, etc. we supported her through her miscarriage and current pregnancy in a way we have not done for any other poster.
And that's all fine. That's all good. That's all part of being in a community and a circle of friends.
But now that someone has said "hey answer for this shit that all your white friends [including me] didn't notice, or care to notice, if you still want to contribute to this commhnity" she goes quiet, defriends, and blocks.
It makes me feel used. It makes me feel like this board was around for her as long as it benefited her and she could dominate it. Now that @kirkette has called her out, she has peaced out.
That's just.....well. This isn't about me so I'm sorry for turning this around.
But man. Way to listen and learn.
I have never been a fan of callouts because we all have lives outside of this board but...you are spot on. For those who seem to be on all the time, the silence is loud.
You have been here long enough to know you can still do a right thing here.
Do you truly think the best you can do is to hide out when you have an opportunity to offer a humble apology to someone you have wronged? To refuse to face the forum because it is hostile toward you after you contributed for so long to making it a hostile environment for @kirkette and many others?
You're not the only one and certainly others here deserve to be called out for their transgressions--myself included--I have spoken thoughtlessly and committed microaggressions and I have work and learning to do. Every white person in the world does. But you positioned yourself to be so outspoken and popular here, and heavy is the head that wears the crown.
I have said before that I am done with this board but I am here because this is bothering me really deeply. I thought you would be big enough to step up and own your shit today. You still can and I hope you still will because it is literally the very least that the WOC who post here deserve.
It's interesting to me that she was SO strong about breastfeeding rights at work (didn't she resign because of a lactation room or something? It's admittedly foggy) but is peacing out now.
IIRC itwas because of their maternity leave policies and what was allowed. Right?
Yep, I've been deleted from IG and FB.
People fan girled her the most and I never understood it. Ever. I so rarely ever opened her posts. What pissed me off is she would ask some simple question and get 6 pages of replies within hours and that same day someone else would post something meaningful or with substance and would get maybe 7 replies. Maybe. Now when there is extremely meaningful discussion going on she just high tails it out of here. WTF?!
Post by melsamoony on Sept 10, 2016 15:52:54 GMT -5
Guilty people cut and run....innocent people stay. @sesalee you are gross and so are all the other participants and bystanders. What the hell people...stop "listening and learning" just stop being a fucking racist asshat.
Did @this deactivate here? Because you know what, now I'm pissed.
This board has literally ground to a halt to respond to @this 's questions. 5 pages in response to a post about baby names, with people encouraging her to choose the name she wants bc eff the father/husband, pages in response to a vacation question, etc. we supported her through her miscarriage and current pregnancy in a way we have not done for any other poster.
And that's all fine. That's all good. That's all part of being in a community and a circle of friends.
But now that someone has said "hey answer for this shit that all your white friends [including me] didn't notice, or care to notice, if you still want to contribute to this commhnity" she goes quiet, defriends, and blocks.
It makes me feel used. It makes me feel like this board was around for her as long as it benefited her and she could dominate it. Now that @kirkette has called her out, she has peaced out.
That's just.....well. This isn't about me so I'm sorry for turning this around.
But man. Way to listen and learn.
I have never been a fan of callouts because we all have lives outside of this board but...you are spot on. For those who seem to be on all the time, the silence is loud.
I'm kind of pissed at many not here. It had been cross posted and nothing for many.
Or they are people who are saying one thing here and another thing elsewhere?
Nah, who would do such a shitty thing.
Well, I think you misinterpreted me.
I'm pretty sure sure cubed isn't saying something different elsewhere than she's saying here. Maybe something stronger, for sure, but not different.
Oh I guess my brain completely omitted the "based on who" part. I was sitting here confused about how I misinterpreted it until I noticed that. I'm sorry.
I meant it TIC for what had happened already, but yeah, wouldn't have said it if I'd read it correctly in the first place. Thanks for pointing that out.
Did @this deactivate here? Because you know what, now I'm pissed.
This board has literally ground to a halt to respond to @this 's questions. 5 pages in response to a post about baby names, with people encouraging her to choose the name she wants bc eff the father/husband, pages in response to a vacation question, etc. we supported her through her miscarriage and current pregnancy in a way we have not done for any other poster.
And that's all fine. That's all good. That's all part of being in a community and a circle of friends.
But now that someone has said "hey answer for this shit that all your white friends [including me] didn't notice, or care to notice, if you still want to contribute to this commhnity" she goes quiet, defriends, and blocks.
It makes me feel used. It makes me feel like this board was around for her as long as it benefited her and she could dominate it. Now that @kirkette has called her out, she has peaced out.
That's just.....well. This isn't about me so I'm sorry for turning this around.
But man. Way to listen and learn.
This is where I'm at. How can someone with such a big voice on here shy away from these posts time and again? Even if you feel as if you have nothing constructive to say. At least come in here and exist. Half the people in here started out with "I don't even know what to say", but still hung around. That's a decent start.SaveSave
I saw it. I feel like it's not for me to comment on it. I'm not sure what I could say about it anyway. The apology isn't for me, ya know?
Except maybe if you've known since at least December that you were being offensive, and it's September, that should have been enough time to fix things?
Post by sometimesrunner on Sept 10, 2016 17:23:03 GMT -5
I am an infrequent poster who (whom? Idk) most won't recognize, but I wanted to chime in after reading all 54 pages. This place has been a huge service to me, my family, and those around me regarding race. I live in the thickest of bubbles, and withhout this place I likely would not have ever looked outside. Thank you to those who have shared your stories, those who have linked fantastic articles and resources, and those who spoke up when shit was going down. I'm an adult and it shouldn't have taken these things for me to have my eyes opened, but it did. I feel like this reads as "sorry something shitty happened to you--but I'm better for it, so thanks!", but know that I will be better. I will be more conscious of my thoughts, words, and actions and will be taking notes from people likes eclaires and TamiTaylor.
Here's the sobering thing. This is being called out now but the rest of us (white posters) either saw her as being micro aggressive and chose to do nothing (because she's so popular?) or simply did not see anything wrong with what she was saying.
We can all pile on her now but if this has been an ongoing issue, where the fuck have we been? Has literally any white person here called her on being microaggressive before today?
I continue to be amazed by my complete inability to recognize micro aggressions when they're right in front of my face. In reading kirkettes post, I can now think of several similar instances where I was personally offensive. I spent a long time last night thinking about how my first response to kirkettes plea in January was to be defensive and dismissive.
Let's not congratulate ourselves on being better than This.
I will totally admit to viewing this as the "funny poster" and having blinders on. I did. I have told @kirkette privately and on the board that not speaking up in her defense in January was the biggest regret I have on here. It was wrong and by doing and saying nothing I was a part of the problem.
Post by lauren170 on Sept 10, 2016 17:28:12 GMT -5
@this I'm curious how much time you've spent reading all of the articles and links that have been posted on this board? As a start. Or are you really only so concerned about how people are talking about you and your old screen name, and not the real issue at hand here?
Here's the sobering thing. This is being called out now but the rest of us (white posters) either saw her as being micro aggressive and chose to do nothing (because she's so popular?) or simply did not see anything wrong with what she was saying.
We can all pile on her now but if this has been an ongoing issue, where the fuck have we been? Has literally any white person here called her on being microaggressive before today?
I continue to be amazed by my complete inability to recognize micro aggressions when they're right in front of my face. In reading kirkettes post, I can now think of several similar instances where I was personally offensive. I spent a long time last night thinking about how my first response to kirkettes plea in January was to be defensive and dismissive.
Let's not congratulate ourselves on being better than This.
I agree. I am also guilty of not recognizing these things over and over and over again. How horrific that I still often need someone else to verbalize something before it clicks for me.
I one time asked @kirkette a question about microaggressions and in the exchange that took place she said some thing like I was "almost there" or "almost getting it." In my head I thought, but I have read a bazillion scholarly articles on this, I've coached college level debaters on microaggressions, what am I not getting???
Reading, listening, learning - blah blah blah. WTF, I just need to do/be better.