Stbxh is back in rehab - UPDATED holy shit

[jenstar]

Sorry nextbigthing, I don't have any advice, just hugs. I hope there's a resolution soon. x

[pinkdutchtulips]

document everything in writing

i have sole custody of dd due in part to xh having 4 psyche holds in a 6 wk span and i had dates, police report #s, what happened to me/him/dd. my custody order is a part of the DVRO i have. the DVRO expires next month but the custody order contained in it is good until she's 18.

[doglove]

Do you have a legal separation agreement? How long is the divorce process in your state?

[nextbigthing]

Sept 19, 2016 7:33:40 GMT -5 doglove said:

Do you have a legal separation agreement? How long is the divorce process in your state?

I filed for divorce back in June, there is a 60 days minimum. We've gone to court and have a temporary order in place with joint custody. The point we're at now is dividing up the assets then we can finalize things. I'm calling my lawyer first thing to see what else we need to do, I've had enough and I can't have him anywhere near my son

[itsmyparty]

nextbigthing, Your update is why I hate mandatory waiting periods, especially long ones! You're lucky the minimum in your state is 60 days. People should at least be able to petition for a speedy divorce in circumstances like this, or something.

[whattheheck]

Do you own a house together? On the same homeowners/umbrella policy? JFC - good luck.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Sept 19, 2016 19:50:29 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

nextbigthing , Your update is why I hate mandatory waiting periods, especially long ones! You're lucky the minimum in your state is 60 days. People should at least be able to petition for a speedy divorce in circumstances like this, or something.

CA's is 6 frigging months !  that's if all goes well. i'm going on year 2  >

[nextbigthing]

Sept 19, 2016 21:39:11 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Do you own a house together? On the same homeowners/umbrella policy? JFC - good luck.

Yes! He's lost his damn mind, we're not on the same car insurance and I'm not on his car loan, but we are still married and both on the house (I wonder if I could take him off the homeowners insurance, I currently have sole rights to the house). This is a man I was with for 15 years and he's gone off the deep end. We're scheduled for mediation December 7, I have sole physical custody right now with visitation that I control.

The divorce system is severely flawed and the courts are so backed up I can't imagine actually getting a divorce done in 60 days.

[dancelnow]

Sept 20, 2016 4:57:00 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Sept 19, 2016 21:39:11 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Do you own a house together? On the same homeowners/umbrella policy? JFC - good luck.

Yes! He's lost his damn mind, we're not on the same car insurance and I'm not on his car loan, but we are still married and both on the house (I wonder if I could take him off the homeowners insurance, I currently have sole rights to the house). This is a man I was with for 15 years and he's gone off the deep end. We're scheduled for mediation December 7, I have sole physical custody right now with visitation that I control.

The divorce system is severely flawed and the courts are so backed up I can't imagine actually getting a divorce done in 60 days.

I'm in the year wait in LA and was able to get homeowners insurance in just my name with him as an additional insured because he is still on the mortgage/title and entitled to payout if something happened to the house and needs to know if I drop coverage because it affects him. I don't know what that buys you here though.

[whattheheck]

Sept 20, 2016 4:57:00 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Sept 19, 2016 21:39:11 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Do you own a house together? On the same homeowners/umbrella policy? JFC - good luck.

Yes! He's lost his damn mind, we're not on the same car insurance and I'm not on his car loan, but we are still married and both on the house (I wonder if I could take him off the homeowners insurance, I currently have sole rights to the house). This is a man I was with for 15 years and he's gone off the deep end. We're scheduled for mediation December 7, I have sole physical custody right now with visitation that I control.

The divorce system is severely flawed and the courts are so backed up I can't imagine actually getting a divorce done in 60 days.

I was advised by my insurance agent not to take him off umbrella or homeowner's until he was actually off the deed to the house (which took two fucking years after we settled and I got the house b/c he's an asshole).  I would check and see what yours advises.

[Deleted]

In Indiana (where my parents divorced), you can divorce and then do your property settlement up to a year later. So they divorced, my dad died four months later, and I had to represent my dad's estate on the property settlement and ONLY AFTER the property was legally divided could the estate/heirs receive their portions. I assume they could not legally go after you as a person, just after joint property for an unpaid settlement/court order. You'd likely settle your divorce long before claims are made on property for not paying a settlement in a wrongful death suit or injury suit.

/not a lawyer but would not concern me to the extent of a freak out.

[ladyk]

Definitely check with your attorney. Your liability will vary by state. In NC, you have to be separated 366 days before you can file for divorce and then it takes about 4-8 weeks to get them served, waiting period for answer, then on the docket. In my case, we didn't have a legal separation agreement for a few months after he moved out because we had taken care of most of the main items. Then I find out he's going to buy a brand new car and I had that puppy drawn up and over to him by the end of the day. Usually, you can still be liable for debt and other things until you're legally separated, and in my case, that meant I needed a signed document.

Good luck to you.

[btay]

Check with your attorney for starters. I would also reach out to a counselor for yourself, as well as reaching out to a counselor at his treatment center. They might want a heads up if you file anything while he is there so they can make sure they have resources available to help him, and hopefully speed up the process by keeping him calm.

[nextbigthing]

Sept 25, 2016 13:50:35 GMT -5 btay said:

Check with your attorney for starters. I would also reach out to a counselor for yourself, as well as reaching out to a counselor at his treatment center. They might want a heads up if you file anything while he is there so they can make sure they have resources available to help him, and hopefully speed up the process by keeping him calm.

I have been seeing a counselor and that definitely helps a lot. His lawyer submitted a settlement offer to myou lawyer this week and I'm planning to do it (I'll have to write him a big check but I keep the house and my 401k). I'm going to accept it and get sole custody and hopefully the divorce will be final in a few weeks!