I'm being judgey

[maucat]

DH and I were just looking again at a wedding invitation for which we needed to send out the RSVP. They listed one of their registries on the invitation. One only (they money-only one). They listed their wedding website as well, which also has another registry on the site. So I'm already irritated that they're just soliciting money, especially because they make substantially more than DH and I do.

And then I turn over the RSVP envelope. It's addressed, but no stamp. NO STAMP! And the bride's family has money. This will be a swanky wedding. They all have the resources to know better!

I'm being a total bitch, but whatever. I won't say anything to either of them.

[zitiqueen]

I just got an invitation to a second cousin's FI's bridal shower this past week. This is the first I knew of this second cousin getting married because, you know, I never got an invitation to the wedding itself.

Declines with regret. And no, I won't be buying a shower gift.

[maucat]

Ugh, what's with the tacky outbreak? I swear, people need to learn etiquette!

Oh, and whether or not we went to the wedding, DH would need to give a gift. The groom is a friend of his, but they're not terribly close. He thinks we were invited because he's their financial advisor. They even addressed the invitation to Mr. & Mrs. DHfirstname DHlastname. Anyone close to us knows better.

[StormyDixon]

We just got one the other day, with not only two registry cards, but an email to RSVP too. Guess they didn't want to add even more postage

[maucat]

That is ridiculously tacky!

Oh, I forgot! On the invitation they also listed a phone number and e-mail address for RSVPs.

[zitiqueen]

It gets better. I just got off the phone with my mom; apparently it's a couple's shower. She and my father were invited. My husband was not invited. In fact, they address it to Me Maiden Name. My parents aren't going because it's 200+ miles away; I live closer and usually am the designated representative for my family at this side's events. Not this time.

[maucat]

Wow, ziti, that's super tacky.

[malibu]

Sept 8, 2012 14:24:24 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

It gets better. I just got off the phone with my mom; apparently it's a couple's shower. She and my father were invited. My husband was not invited. In fact, they address it to Me Maiden Name. My parents aren't going because it's 200+ miles away; I live closer and usually am the designated representative for my family at this side's events. Not this time.

Wow. Just, wow.

[Muddled]

Is there a chance they don't know you are married, Ziti?

[zitiqueen]

Sept 9, 2012 10:28:09 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Is there a chance they don't know you are married, Ziti?

Oh no, they're aware. I've been married for seven years (we were together six before that) and we had our wedding, to which the first cousins -- their parents -- were all invited but chose not to attend, in Las Vegas. Big controversy on that side of the family, at least with Grandma, because weddings should be in churches and not in a city of filth and depravity and sin.

My guess is it's just pure laziness. Yeah, she's married and I can't remember her married last name or her husband's name, so instead of emailing her or her parents or her brothers to ask, just send it to her and maybe she'll hear through the grapevine that it's a couple's shower and will bring her husband. It came with an RSVP card to mail back, which I've never seen for a shower, and that had no stamp, so... there you go.

I RSVPd no and wrote my married name in the M______ spot.

[ECB]

Sept 8, 2012 14:24:24 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

It gets better. I just got off the phone with my mom; apparently it's a couple's shower. She and my father were invited. My husband was not invited. In fact, they address it to Me Maiden Name. My parents aren't going because it's 200+ miles away; I live closer and usually am the designated representative for my family at this side's events. Not this time.

Um. Wow.

[mariafromnj]

Sept 8, 2012 6:12:39 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

I just got an invitation to a second cousin's FI's bridal shower this past week. This is the first I knew of this second cousin getting married because, you know, I never got an invitation to the wedding itself.

Declines with regret. And no, I won't be buying a shower gift.

Do you know when the wedding is? Most bridal showers I have been invited to were like 2 months before the wedding so I was invited before the wedding invites came.

[Deleted]

WTF that's messed up jess & ziti. We put our wedding website on our invitation, but mainly because I put all the hotel information and things to do in the area for the out of towners (most of our guest list).

[zitiqueen]

Sept 9, 2012 19:34:47 GMT -5 mariafromnj said:

Sept 8, 2012 6:12:39 GMT -5 zitiqueen said:

I just got an invitation to a second cousin's FI's bridal shower this past week. This is the first I knew of this second cousin getting married because, you know, I never got an invitation to the wedding itself.

Declines with regret. And no, I won't be buying a shower gift.

Do you know when the wedding is? Most bridal showers I have been invited to were like 2 months before the wedding so I was invited before the wedding invites came.

See, it's the opposite for me. Most invitations come first and the shower is within a month of the wedding.

[Muddled]

What a bitch, Ziti.

We got an invitation this weekend to a wedding the first weekend in Oct. The address on the RSVP cards is to Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname. It's not his parents. I wonder if they are already married and haven't said anything?

[partiallysunny]

This makes me glad I never get invited to weddings, lol. I hate tacky.

[livinitup]

Sept 8, 2012 1:37:15 GMT -5 maucat said:

And then I turn over the RSVP envelope. It's addressed, but no stamp. NO STAMP!

These posts always bring me back to my own wedding planning and our debacle of the stamps.

Short version: I needed stamps for the RSVP card from Canada for a large portion of DH's family. Instead of just getting them mailed to me from DH's cousin - he asked his mother, who said no. She said, no need, total waste of money.

<INSERT> ragey, brizillia hair-pulling, scream leading to fiesty bride problem-solving skills. So, I got the stamps online and now get an annual catalogue for Stamp Collectors that I leave on DH's desk every single year. Smirk, Smirk.

[partiallysunny]

Sept 10, 2012 10:14:28 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Sept 8, 2012 1:37:15 GMT -5 maucat said:

And then I turn over the RSVP envelope. It's addressed, but no stamp. NO STAMP!

These posts always bring me back to my own wedding planning and our debacle of the stamps.

Short version: I needed stamps for the RSVP card from Canada for a large portion of DH's family. Instead of just getting them mailed to me from DH's cousin - he asked his mother, who said no. She said, no need, total waste of money.

<INSERT> ragey, brizillia hair-pulling, scream leading to fiesty bride problem-solving skills. So, I got the stamps online and now get an annual catalogue for Stamp Collectors that I leave on DH's desk every single year. Smirk, Smirk.

This makes me so happy for some reason.

[bowies]

Bad wedding etiquette should be judged in a harsh light. I'm going to guesstimate that 99% of the wedding invitations I've ever received have included registry information. It was even one of the battles I fought with XMIL - she was pist that I hadn't included those little cards in the invites for her moronic family.

My worst wedding invite came via email - and the only reason I got it was because I was on the kickball listserv. Yep, I had met them twice (2 games into the season), barely talked to them, but was included in a breakfast reception for them after they returned from Vegas. My BFF was the one who called to notify me of the email. I didn't think it was possible to have a phone conversation that consisted entirely of :-|.

[Deleted]

My best was definitely the one DH got by text 2 weeks before the wedding.

He said yes for us, but then work wouldn't let him off on such short notice, so I went and brought a friend with me (who also knew the couple, so I didn't feel too weird). Also, the groom who texted DH gave the start time and location of the reception only. We showed up expecting it to be an on site wedding with the ceremony starting at 5. Nope. Missed the ceremony.

Also was a cash beer and wine only bar.

[mariafromnj]

North NJ/ NY City area guest give mostly cash, at least all the weddings we attended and friends and family attend. We will be attending our 18th wedding in 3 years in 2 weeks. Both DH and I are in it. This will be my 12th time as a bridesmaid.
I have never given a gift only $ and I have never gotten an invite with a registry card... Only Wedding shower invites have those cards.

[zitiqueen]

It does, however, require the correct last name of the person being invited.