Living Wills - have you done one?

[summer]

Has everyone done one? We are working on it now. I think I don't want any extraordinary measures once it's clear there is no recovery, but I'm having a really hard time getting my pen to check that box. It just seems like you always want to put a "But if xyz is the case, then this...." or "buuut what if?" 

Did anyone else have that issue? I'm usually pretty pragmatic about this stuff, but I'm having a hard time with this one. I know I'll feel better once the damn thing is done though. 

[bernsteincat]

*Not a lawyer, but work for one and have prepared about a million of these"

The statute in KY defines the situation where a LW would be consulted (I''m exhausted and can't remember the exact term right now) as when the doctors describe there is no hope of recovery and all they can do is "prolong the dying process." So this isn't just you've gone unconscious and they won't take life-saving measures. ETA: You're in the situation where you will die eventually, but you can be kept medically alive indefinitely if that's what you or your family choose. People always get it confused with a DNR, which isn't the same thing at all.

And we always encourage people to decide these things now so that it's not a burden on the family if you're ever in that situation.

[iammalcolmx]

summer, I will take care of the what ifs. If there are any ifs ain't no one cutting off a thing or I l cut them into pieces. Think I am playing?

[cattledogkisses]

When we were talking to a lawyer about living wills he suggested that instead of a living will many people do a medical power of attorney instead. That allows you to appoint someone (typically your spouse) to make medical decisions for you in any event that you are unable to, not just in an end-of-life scenario, and allows for flexibility in various situations where a living will does not.

If your H knows what your wishes are and you trust him to carry those out, then a medical power of attorney might be a better option than a living will (it's ultimately what we ended up going with).

[sushi]

I've done one. H and I didn't really hesitate. But is something that my family discussed often, for years, so it's not like it was a new topic.

[cville]

Yes, when I was pregnant. My husband got super weird about it and put it off for literally years.

I had trouble with the concepts generally too. Like, do I really want to put in writing when I am and am not cool with dying? But I kept thinking about Terri Schiavo and just did it.

[imojoebunny]

Mine pretty much says they can withhold medical treatment, if I get a hang nail, but we have had 3 generations of women die from Alzheimer's, and I have been thinking about how I want to live or die, if I am the 4th, for 30+ years. DH does not have one, and refuses to even discuss it. I do have his medical power of attorney, but that is not much comfort to me, since I would like to respect his wishes, but he won't discuss them, at all, and he almost died 18 months ago. I feel like it is not fair for him to dump the decision on me, but he has a totally different take on these things than I do, so we agree to disagree.

[isabel]

I had the same problem. It was a really weird thing to put that down. In the end, I basically just put down what H did because it was hard for me to really think about it with that kind of permanence.

[awick14]

We don't have living wills but dh and I talk about this frequently. Dh and I both know that we do not want to live on a ventilator or anything like that. If either of us was to be in a bad accident or something medically go wrong right now we would both be comfortable* making the decision based on our conversations.

*Comfortable as in we know what the other wants and we could make the decision knowing they would agree. But it wouldn't be an easy decision:

[pugz]

many have an area where you can be specific about situations and what you would/would not want so it's more than just checking off a box.

[LanaLang]

We don't have a will or living will, but I signed up for legal ins at the new job that I'll drop at the end of the year. That will hopefully push us to actually do it, you know, since we do have a child and all. We've discussed everything and DH has actually had to make the decision for his mother, so we're both on the same page and trust each other, but it's best to have it in writing, especially if the other of us is unable to make that choice.

[josieposy]

We did a will and some kind of health care directive years ago when I was working at my firm and could get it done for free. I need to pull it out and look at getting them updated. My medical wishes haven't changed, but our assets and family situation is different, and now I think I want to be cremated.

[OscarQ]

H recently signed up for legal stuff at work and that includes a will and livi will. I'll ask about medical power of attorney. Thanks for the reminder to schedule it.

I imagine I'm going to be okay saying no extraordinary measures but H won't be as easy with it.

[bernsteincat]

Our general POAs contain power to handle all medical situations as well. I would venture to guess most POAs implicitly authorize this, but ours specifically authorize a bajillion powers just to make them more effective with the person you hand them to. You may want to consult with a lawyer to see if any existing POA already covers medical/HIPAA scenarios. A POA, however, doesn't gives direction to your surrogate, it only gives them power to act on your behalf. A LW/health care directive deals with expressing your wishes for end of life decisions rather than giving someone power over you.

[CrazyLucky]

We did it. We have living wills and medical powers of attorney. I trust DH to make the right decision, no matter how difficult it is. But the living will tries to spell it out, which I hope would help him with grief. He'll be able to say, "It's what she would have wanted." If DH is incapacitated, my younger brother is the backup. I thought my sister would let me linger too long and my older brother would be too quick to pull the plug, so to speak. Hopefully, little bro is the right combination.

[boxertdog]

Sept 25, 2016 16:53:47 GMT -5 cattledogkisses said:

When we were talking to a lawyer about living wills he suggested that instead of a living will many people do a medical power of attorney instead. That allows you to appoint someone (typically your spouse) to make medical decisions for you in any event that you are unable to, not just in an end-of-life scenario, and allows for flexibility in various situations where a living will does not.

If your H knows what your wishes are and you trust him to carry those out, then a medical power of attorney might be a better option than a living will (it's ultimately what we ended up going with).

This is what we did. H is my MPOA, and a backup in case we are both in the same accident or something (God forbid).

[nomad100]

I have one, drew it up years ago before I married DH so need to get it updated.

I am my parents MPOA. Both have been pretty explicit about not wanting extreme measures.