wwyd: cut and bruise from ex-bf (don't quote)

[oukapu]

My sister posted on fb that her eye has not bruised from an object that was thrown at her by her ex. She said she has a cut on her face. She said her ex thought he was being funny.

My sister previously told me how shitty he treated her. He was cheating on her and blamed it on her. She also said once he was slapping her around in front of friends and the male friends got really mad. He lied to us about his school status (he said he was in med school, when in reality he kept failing one of the major tests).

I don't know why she hasn't cut it off completely. I dont understand throwing things at people's faces to be funny. I dont understand the fb broadcast...maybe asking for help?

Is there anything I can say to her?

[lanyac]

I don't understand. Why is she hanging around her ex?

[Kore]

Why is she posting all of this on FB?

[Deleted]

Shame her on Facebook and post a response like, "Why do you continue to associate with a man who abuses women?"

[oukapu]

I really don't understand either.

[jillboston]

Tell her privately to get some therapy. She needs to find out why she is hanging around an abuser.

[oukapu]

Sept 8, 2012 10:04:17 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Shame her on Facebook and post a response like, "Why do you continue to associate with a man who abuses women?"

They have mutual friends. He invited himself over. I wouldnt be friends with someone who hurt people at my house. Wtf.

[explorer2001]

Try to help her get therapy. Have her consider getting a restraining order if needed. Call the cops if he shows up uninvited, especially if he does so to beat her. See if your local domestic violence shelter has a support group that she can attend or one for family and friends.

[Deleted]

I am being serious. Call her on the drama she is causing.

[MixedBerryJam]

Sept 8, 2012 10:27:47 GMT -5 oukapu said:

Sept 8, 2012 10:04:17 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Shame her on Facebook and post a response like, "Why do you continue to associate with a man who abuses women?"

They have mutual friends. He invited himself over. I wouldnt be friends with someone who hurt people at my house. Wtf.

She needs to not open the door the next time he pulls this. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming her. Not blaming her in the least. And I don't think a public shaming is going to be productive. But even if he's never been violent with her before, even if he's been the world's best boyfriend up until this incident, now she has a reason not to open the damn door the next time he rings the bell. And if by "invite himself over" what you're really saying is "force his way in" then next time she needs to call the police.

[steph96]

If it was at a friend's house, she should have left. If it was at her house, she should have made him leave or called the police if he refused. Depending on what exactly happened to cause the damages to her, I would file a police report. I don't mess around when it comes to violent ex-boyfriends.

Are you sure that she is really done with him? That seems like the type of excuses I made up when I accidentally let it slip when I had my horrible ex come over....

[nonsenseabound]

Sept 8, 2012 13:29:26 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I am being serious. Call her on the drama she is causing.

Way to victim blame.

[drloretta]

This sounds like a cry for help to me. I'd go see her, or at least contact her and ask her if she wants some help.

Abuse is a nasty thing. It's so hard for people to get away. It really messes with their head.

[Deleted]

Sept 8, 2012 18:26:41 GMT -5 nonsenseabound said:

Sept 8, 2012 13:29:26 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I am being serious. Call her on the drama she is causing.

Way to victim blame.

That is not blaming her, it is calling on her post.

[Deleted]

I once saw an entire Dateline dedicated to some asshole who said he was in Medical School and when he couldn't continue the lie anymore he killed his wife. Not the type of abusive jerk you want to hang around with. Your sister needs a wake-up call/help/rescuing. Now.

[Deleted]

Also, I was being flip about the murder comment but I'm serious about the sentiment. She is on a dangerous path and needs help whether she knows it or not.

Team don't take Spenjamins' advice.

[okla]

Did you used to be oukap? You're in the OKC area, yes? Is your sister? If so, she can call the domestic violence hotline at 405-917-9922. They can set her up with counseling and such.

[IIOY]

Sept 8, 2012 13:29:26 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I am being serious. Call her on the drama she is causing.

JFC, you cannot be serious with this shit.

[Bonita]

She is definitely in an abusive relationship, and I agree with pp who said to take explorer's advice. Your sister needs counseling ASAP, and she could probably use some support from you and friends right now

I'm so sorry your sister is going through this - abusers often will do something hurtful and then say "I was just joking" or "I thought it was funny" or "it was just a joke" when the victim doesn't find it "funny" :-(

[iammalcolmx]

Sept 9, 2012 7:40:49 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Sept 8, 2012 13:29:26 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I am being serious. Call her on the drama she is causing.

JFC, you cannot be serious with this shit.

I can't believe she is a therapist.

[sweetnsour]

I agree with spenjamins. It is a valid question. Why would her or any of friends associate with someone who thinks it is funny to hurt someone? It might make her or some of her friends to stop or think.

[cahabalily]

Because abusers are excellent manipulators. The mutual friends may have never seen abuse before and if it isn't a Cops-esque domestic disturbance may very well not recognize it. I am giving Spenjamins a huge side eye and cannot believe she is a therapist. To have such a cold response to abuse is appalling.

OP,, get her some help and if you know the mutual friends I would press them on why the hell they're letting it happen.

[dexteroni]

Sept 9, 2012 7:48:22 GMT -5 Bonita said:

I'm so sorry your sister is going through this - abusers often will do something hurtful and then say "I was just joking" or "I thought it was funny" or "it was just a joke" when the victim doesn't find it "funny"

Definitely.

And add me to the "I cannot believe Spenjamins works in the mental health field" with that horrible advice. Setting out to shame someone who needs help and support is just such an awful approach.