I'm mad at my husband

[hisno1girl]

He looks like the typical Trump supporter: white male, gun owner (for hunting, no handguns allowed in my home), age 60, drives a truck, we live in a rural area that's 95% white, he hunts, he's never lived in a diverse area.

Obviously he is NOT a Trump supporter, but I feel like I'm taking my anger out on him just because he's white.

On Wednesday morning we cried together. He has been supportive and sweet to me since Tuesday night.

But.

He will never understand what it feels like to be treated like an inferior based on the color of his skin.

He will never have anyone follow him around a store to be sure he doesn't steal anything.

He will never have someone assume he's a gardener or a maid.

I'm just mad and I'm having problems processing everything.

This is all on top of my stupid cancer that will probably kill me before I can see real, true change in this country.

Is anyone else feeling this way?

I feel so guilty about this. He may be an incredible pain in my ass at times, but he's a good man and I don't want to push him away.

[oliviapope]

I will admit to looking at pretty much all white people sideways right now. Even ones who are supportive because it almost feels fake?

But I think it's my rage. I can't feel anything but rage right now. I am not moved to do anything but cuss out anyone who even at all attempts to convince me that Trump being president isn't the worst thing to have happened in my entire life.

And I had an incredibly shitty life as a kid.

[hisno1girl]

Nov 10, 2016 22:05:03 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

I will admit to looking at pretty much all white people sideways right now. Even ones who are supportive because it almost feels fake?




Yes. You get me.

He told me that it upsets him to see me so mad and hurt but he would never say "don't be mad" because he knows I hate it when people say that.

He asked me if there's anything he can do and I just wanted to scram at him. I DON'T NEED YOU TO FIX STUFF FOR ME.

*sigh*

[kicks]

Big hugs. I can't begin to imagine how you feel being in an interracial relationship.
These are definitely volatile times. I got in to a small disagreement with my black boyfriend the night of the election via text (he's in europe). It quickly ended and blew over, but I think everyone's emotions are on high right now. It's one thing to feel like the common citizen and even the police are out to get you, but now the leader of our country too....it's all so overwhelming. I can't blame anyone of color for having such complicated feelings with friends and loved ones.

Ok I'm rambling. But lots of love to you.

[starlily]

Nov 10, 2016 22:05:03 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

I will admit to looking at pretty much all white people sideways right now.

I wanted to run strangers down with my cart at the grocery store Wednesday because I just know they were a Trump voter.

[iammalcolmx]

I am side eyeing the fuck out of white folks now. The saving grace with my H is that people treat him like a POC because of his Muslim name. Once he says his name, that white skin and those blue eyes don't mean shit. However I am side-eyeing the non-muslim part of his family. I honestly don't want to be with them for Thanksgiving.

[dr.girlfriend]

Hugs to you.

[meshaliuknits]

I'm shook up. I keep thinking "every other person I pass *at minimum* doesn't care what happens to me & folks who look like me." It's a level of sensitivity I haven't experienced before. The worry I've always had in the back of my head that someone is gonna take my babies because they can't be mine has bubbled up top with a vengeance.

I'm putting off visiting my sister in the central valley because I think the ratio jumps to 3 out of every four hate me. She's gonna come see us instead.

[skwcm80]

meshaliuknits I keep doing the math too, and it enrages me.

[oliviapope]

Nov 11, 2016 11:26:40 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

I'm shook up. I keep thinking "every other person I pass *at minimum* doesn't care what happens to me & folks who look like me." It's a level of sensitivity I haven't experienced before. The worry I've always had in the back of my head that someone is gonna take my babies because they can't be mine has bubbled up top with a vengeance.

I'm putting off visiting my sister in the central valley because I think the ratio jumps to 3 out of every four hate me. She's gonna come see us instead.

I didn't want to like this...but yea. My blue eyed light skinned baby doesn't look a thing like me (we already get questions as it is) same worries...just more pronounced i guess.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 11, 2016 14:28:08 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

Nov 11, 2016 11:26:40 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

I'm shook up. I keep thinking "every other person I pass *at minimum* doesn't care what happens to me & folks who look like me." It's a level of sensitivity I haven't experienced before. The worry I've always had in the back of my head that someone is gonna take my babies because they can't be mine has bubbled up top with a vengeance.

I'm putting off visiting my sister in the central valley because I think the ratio jumps to 3 out of every four hate me. She's gonna come see us instead.

I didn't want to like this...but yea. My blue eyed light skinned baby doesn't look a thing like me (we already get questions as it is) same worries...just more pronounced i guess.

I don't like this, but man do I understand it.

[auberge]

I feel the same way about my husband. I know I have stop being so angry but I cannot right now.

He says he understands but he doesn't.

I deactivated my Facebook. I can't look at people downplaying everything anymore when I still so emotional.

[bimbi284]

Nov 11, 2016 4:42:44 GMT -5 starlily said:

Nov 10, 2016 22:05:03 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

I will admit to looking at pretty much all white people sideways right now.

I wanted to run strangers down with my cart at the grocery store Wednesday because I just know they were a Trump voter.

This was me, but at the airport and with my rolly luggage.

[childofhiphop]

Did I tell you I tried to run an old white lady down in Home Depot yesterday? In the widest aisle where 3 people side by side could easily walk by, she push DH's cart rudely and said something. Couldn't make out the words but sure felt the intent. He looked at me like WTF just happened? I put my wheelchair on turbo and headed in her direction. By the time he caught up to me he said, "Nevermind. She's just crazy and talking to herself." I fessed up and told him, "No she's talking to herself because after I tried to run her down, I told her keep her nasty comments to herself or say it to my face - while giving the stank eye combined with the I'll kill you for real stare."

On the flip side, at the restaurant, some sistahs were checking DH out and give him the stank eye for being with a "white" girl. I want to shout. We are the same. You just can't tell because I'm very light and just got my hair did!!

Can't win either way in these times.

[hisno1girl]

Nov 13, 2016 19:14:42 GMT -5 childofhiphop said:

Did I tell you I tried to run an old white lady down in Home Depot yesterday? In the widest aisle where 3 people side by side could easily walk by, she push DH's cart rudely and said something. Couldn't make out the words but sure felt the intent. He looked at me like WTF just happened? I put my wheelchair on turbo and headed in her direction. By the time he caught up to me he said, "Nevermind. She's just crazy and talking to herself." I fessed up and told him, "No she's talking to herself because after I tried to run her down, I told her keep her nasty comments to herself or say it to my face - while giving the stank eye combined with the I'll kill you for real stare."

On the flip side, at the restaurant, some sistahs were checking DH out and give him the stank eye for being with a "white" girl. I want to shout. We are the same. You just can't tell because I'm very light and just got my hair did!!

Can't win either way in these times.

FYI - Home Depot's CEO endorsed #45. We aren't shopping there anymore.

[childofhiphop]

Nov 14, 2016 16:14:50 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

Nov 13, 2016 19:14:42 GMT -5 childofhiphop said:

Did I tell you I tried to run an old white lady down in Home Depot yesterday? In the widest aisle where 3 people side by side could easily walk by, she push DH's cart rudely and said something. Couldn't make out the words but sure felt the intent. He looked at me like WTF just happened? I put my wheelchair on turbo and headed in her direction. By the time he caught up to me he said, "Nevermind. She's just crazy and talking to herself." I fessed up and told him, "No she's talking to herself because after I tried to run her down, I told her keep her nasty comments to herself or say it to my face - while giving the stank eye combined with the I'll kill you for real stare."

On the flip side, at the restaurant, some sistahs were checking DH out and give him the stank eye for being with a "white" girl. I want to shout. We are the same. You just can't tell because I'm very light and just got my hair did!!

Can't win either way in these times.

FYI - Home Depot's CEO endorsed #45. We aren't shopping there anymore.

I didn't know. We are changing right now! Thank you!