New relationship ?

[closertofine]

Pdq, I may dd. This may be a bit of a dump.

So I'm in a new, undefined at the moment, relationship. About 6 weeks, and I think things are going really well. I feel very ready for this, I think I have been for a while. Taking things slowly. He has his kids the same amount of time as I do (80+%), so there is not a ton of opportunity to gtg, so we are on our off weekends. And we talk/text otherwise after the kids go to bed constantly.

My question, if there is one in here, is is it normal to be comparing him to stbx (divorce is not final only because he refuses to sign. We've been apart more than a year)? I find myself comparing them a lot, in a completely positive way to new guy. But then I worry that I am doing it too much, and maybe not being fair to new guy or something. Like I said, it's all positive, and I've said to friends and my sister things like, "I cannot believe I dealt with xyz for 12 years after seeing that this is how it can be." Is there any way NOT to compare them?

Sorry if this sounds stupid. Things are just going so well, but this pops in my head when I make a comparison. I don't typically verbalize them to new guy. Just myself and the friends I discuss this with.

[itsmyparty]

I think it's normal. I've been doing it, too, and I did it before I was married when I compared each guy I dated to past guys/bfs. In fact, I would think it would be odd not to compare, almost as if that would mean you weren't really paying attention and examining/learning from your feelings and experience.

What I think you have to be careful about is to not expect every man to be the same as others from your past, or measure current guys' qualities to the best qualities in past men without also remembering the bad qualities. Remember that there is a reason the past guys didn't work out! I have a tendency to do that, so I'm really trying to take full stock of my feelings as I go about dating again.

[pinkdutchtulips]

normal .... i compare them to xh to make sure i'm NOT falling back into old self destructive habits.

[Deleted]

I think that's pretty normal.
Eventually as time goes by you'll get used to the "normal-ness" of a new partner and you'll do it less and less.  I've been there.  Now occasionally I think back on my horrible, abnormal xh and it feels like it wasn't even real.  

[doglove]

Nov 13, 2016 18:47:00 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

normal .... i compare them to xh to make sure i'm NOT falling back into old self destructive habits.

This is what I do as well. 

[glynn]

Totally normal and I must I think to figure out what you want or do not want.

[asoctoberfalls]

I assume that's totally normal. Heck, I do it with male friends sometimes (haven't started dating yet).

I'm happy for you. ☺️