Checking in- how are you doing?

[kicks]

I'm going to a fundraiser tonight for the PA innocence project and they're showing the Central Park 5 documentary. I'm sure it's going to put me in a rage. They're having a talk back discussion afterwards.

I need to make a plan for action steps this weekend.

I still continue to side eye the hell out of white people. My soccer team is having an end of the year party coming up and I just can't bring myself to go.

My boyfriend comes back from being in Europe and I'm looking forward to a hug. Thankfully he'll be in town for 2 weeks.

[iammalcolmx]

I am still mad and side eyeing the fuck out of people here. The rednecks know good and well why they are getting my stink eye. One of them can't even look at me.

[sunshine608]

I'm here. Still going back and forth between frustration, anger and fear.

I realized that I occupied a lot of White spaces and I no longer feel comfortable ( internet message boards, my mom group ect) but I am learning that my initial instincts about the various women in these groups have been SPOT ON. The ones I'm unfriending have been the ones I struggled to accept in the begining- or whom I that lingering feeling in the back of my mind.

[hisno1girl]

Still raging.

My heart knows that all white people did not vote for #45 but that doesn't stop the feelings of mistrust.

I know my white husband and his immediate family do not support #45 either as they have been liking and sharing all of my FB posts about what needs to be done now.

But.

The underlying fear and mistrust are still there. Not with DHs family but everyone else.

I live in a rural area next to a resort town which is called Little Bavaria due to the strong German founders. I have never felt safe there and it's worse now.

We just bought this house last year and it's my dream home but the words "I want to move" have been on the tip of my tongue for days now.

[kicks]

Nov 15, 2016 8:51:41 GMT -5 @natariru said:

I basically want to end all my friendships with white people. That's where my rage level is at. I don't think it'll change any time soon. I still can't think about what's happening without getting hot ass tears in my eyes.

I have done a pretty good job at exposing S (& eventually J) to Brazilian culture but haven't done much on the Puerto Rican side... I need to do better. I plan on talking to my MIL about it. My kids need to know where they came from.

On a personal level - we put an offer on a house 3 weeks ago. Sellers got back to us yesterday saying they got another slightly higher offer on Sunday. We came up a tiny bit but that's it. They can shove the house up their ass. My H's response was "go scratch". But I really want to get far far away from the racist town next door as quickly as possible. At least we will be living at my parents' house in Newark starting next week.

Sorry about the frustration with the house stuff. I hope you find something that fits. My best friend here in philly is from PR and I've loved learning more about the culture, I went last year for her wedding and would love to go back for a long weekend.

I'm going on vacation to Mexico with my white best friend in 1.5 weeks. We actually don't talk everyday or anything but I haven't heard from her since the election. I think I need to text her sometime this week just to get my feelings out so that vacation isn't awkward. I know she fully supports me and my community but we haven't had an open discussion about it.

I have 1 other good white friend in NYC that I'm not going to drop. But other than that I am not making any new white friends. My boyfriend actually has more black female friends here since he's lived here for a lot longer than I have, whereas my black female friends are spread between 3 different cities. I need to hang out more with his friends locally because I can't with the white people tears of fragility.

[kicks]

Nov 15, 2016 8:56:36 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

I am still mad and side eyeing the fuck out of people here. The rednecks know good and well why they are getting my stink eye. One of them can't even look at me.

Yeah the day after one of the attendings who I found out was Cheeto voter clearly couldn't look at me in my eyes. His demeanor completely changed. I hope he still feels like an asshole.

I also hope Cheeto goes on to live a miserable existence.

[meshaliuknits]

I'm mad. I'm getting irritated with my husband now too. He's completely disassociated himself from politics. Won't go on FB , Twitter or even watch the Daily Show. I know he's doing it to keep his anger manageable but hiding does no one any good. I'm giving him another week before I force the issue.

I went to the work Diwali celebration yesterday. I was there for an hour and it was almost entirely Asian, black & latinx folks in attendance. I got mad all over again about it.

[05heel]

This is probably flameful, but I'm not really mad anymore. Still disgusted, but if anything I feel vindicated in my long-held beliefs. I'm ready for the next phase of action.

I'm thrilled to see white people being put on blast on a large scale.

[oliviapope]

Well damn, my rage had almost come down to managble levels and then I read that damn thanksgiving thread on MMM.


So, uh I still hate everyone.

[Black Lavender]

I'm trying to figure out where do I go from here? How do I prepare my family and myself to live in a world that now has a license to put their hate on display? Should I become a prepper and start stock piling supplies? Ordering gold coin? I'm still full of rage, but I'm feeling lost too. I just don't know what to do.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 15, 2016 11:55:31 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

Well damn, my rage had almost come down to managble levels and then I read that damn thanksgiving thread on MMM.


So, uh I still hate everyone.

I read  this thread as a way to put off the 100 pg document that in no way, shape or form applies to my position that I'm supposed to be reading. I may have misjudged.

[threejs]

I used to watch MSNBC and CNN constantly, but I still can't bring myself to listen to any of the foolishness.

I feel like we're still waiting on the other shoe to drop. Like, something important is about to happen.

Other than the white people in my family, I am seriously disliking white people. I don't usually have much time to post, but I read some of the posts on ML and CEP. Both are making me dislike white women even more. Which I know is mean and unfair. But still. And I feel guilty about this and like I need to get together, because I can't go around hating white people. lol

My brother, who is divorced and in the military, has been working at the Pentagon for the past couple of years, so he's currently local to me. He has invited two of his good friends, who are white, and their families to the Thanksgiving dinner my Mom and I are preparing. I came really close to asking him to uninvite them. I WILL be telling him that if any of them admit to voting for cheeto while they're eating the dinner that black women prepared, it's gonna be on.

[starlily]

There are far too many people at work who are happy about the orange buffoon, so I spend most of my day glaring at people. So I guess you can say I'm still mad.

I feel my dreams every night consist of newscasts about Trump or a neverending stream of social media comments. I think I need to back off the news/FB a bit, but I don't know how. I don't want to lose track of what's happening with this mofo.

I made an action plan over the weekend with a checklist about stuff like passports, places to donate/volunteer, shops to boycott, etc. It made me feel a little better to have all that written down in one place.

[andwhat]

I am not mad anymore, but the hypocrisy is killing me. The calls to unify and come together. The calls to not let our differences divide us. Where the hell has that been the last 8 years? The last 8 years this alt-right was devising a plan to become mainstream because they were pissed about a black President.

[bugandbibs]

I'm just done. My filter is off and I am over trying to be kind while I educate people on their implicit bias and privilege. I'm totally okay with being labeled as the angry minority at this point. It's not like I wasn't judged for my skin color already anyway.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 15, 2016 14:05:26 GMT -5 andwhat said:

I am not mad anymore, but the hypocrisy is killing me. The calls to unify and come together. The calls to not let our differences divide us. Where the hell has that been the last 8 years? The last 8 years this alt-right was devising a plan to become mainstream because they were pissed about a black President.

RIGHT?!

We should work with DT, but you all went on record saying you were gonna block everything Obama put forth? Oh, that totes, different, you say?

NAH. You can miss me with this.

[Black Lavender]

I don't know what to do...I want to resign from the PTO board and I don't want to attend any upcoming friends events (weddings, showers, etc.) where I will most likely be the only person of color. DH thinks I'm taking it too far, but I can't ignore the uptick in violence around here. There's people walking around the center of our town holding up Voldemort signs everyday and its just crazy.

[raangoli]

I've been busy since I started my new job this week so it's been a good distraction. But now I have a long ass commute so I listen to podcasts and the radio and am reminded of how awful the future is going to be.

Last week I posted a few articles on FB and challenged a friend on a post but I haven't been able to go on much more this week. It almost seems like people are moving on and that makes me sad. I am not ready for that. I'm never going to move on and accept this.

[andwhat]

Nov 16, 2016 4:08:13 GMT -5 @246baje said:

I read the transcript of the call that President Obama had with grassroots organizers and I can't wait for him to get going after the inauguration.

He said he's fired up and ready to go to take this challenge on and I will be there with him every step of the way.

Can you post a link to the transcript? I need some positive inspiration.

[salejolie]

There's going to be a neo-nazi "white lives matter" rally in my city this weekend. Considering going to protest. My state is open carry and I think that's my greatest hesitance.

[andwhat]

Nov 16, 2016 13:06:25 GMT -5 salejolie said:

There's going to be a neo-nazi "white lives matter" rally in my city this weekend. Considering going to protest. My state is open carry and I think that's my greatest hesitance.

I would stay away. No good can come of that. I pray no one gets hurt or worse.

[meshaliuknits]

Nov 16, 2016 13:06:25 GMT -5 salejolie said:

There's going to be a neo-nazi "white lives matter" rally in my city this weekend. Considering going to protest. My state is open carry and I think that's my greatest hesitance.

If you do decide to go, be careful.

[bugandbibs]

Nov 16, 2016 13:06:25 GMT -5 salejolie said:

There's going to be a neo-nazi "white lives matter" rally in my city this weekend. Considering going to protest. My state is open carry and I think that's my greatest hesitance.

Be safe.

[andwhat]

Nov 16, 2016 17:25:06 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Has sfy checked-in lately?
I feel like I haven't "seen" her in a few days.
Is everything okay, boo?

I was thinking about her earlier. The last time she was on was the 10th. I hope everything is ok sfy

[kicks]

My patient was wearing a safety pin today. First one I've seen. I wonder what she thought when my black ass walked through the door lol.

[meshaliuknits]

This week sucks.

My husband's car broke down on his way home. His car is stuck an hour from home and will probably have to be replaced. We have a rental, but our car seats are still in the old ride. I'm sick (sore throat, chills) but my VP is apparently crazy and has instructed us to create three online training modules that will be ready for roll out by Jan 3rd (they will not be good) so I've been dragging my ass in to work to get started on these.

And it all seems so petty compared to talk about registrations, using internment camps as precedent, the graffiti with slurs. I feel incredibly selfish for thinking of myself when the world is imploding in slow motion around me.

[kicks]

Nov 17, 2016 16:14:17 GMT -5 meshaliuknits said:

This week sucks.

My husband's car broke down on his way home. His car is stuck an hour from home and will probably have to be replaced. We have a rental, but our car seats are still in the old ride. I'm sick (sore throat, chills) but my VP is apparently crazy and has instructed us to create three online training modules that will be ready for roll out by Jan 3rd (they will not be good) so I've been dragging my ass in to work to get started on these.

And it all seems so petty compared to talk about registrations, using internment camps as precedent, the graffiti with slurs. I feel incredibly selfish for thinking of myself when the world is imploding in slow motion around me.

That's not petty. Sorry about your shitty week. I got a flat tire which wasn't even a big deal but it's just annoying to have to deal with something unplanned so having a broken down car would really get to me.

It's definitely illness season. I hope you feel better soon.

[bimbi284]

I'm still in a fog of disbelief, but also not surprised, if that makes sense. So like with each new horrible thing that comes out about appointments or plans of that administration, my reaction is, "well of course they did." Whereas all the horrible shit actual people are doing to each other is still making me so sad and angry.

I left the country early Wednesday morning to go to BCN for my nephew's 1st bday, so I feel like all of my actual reactions and processing were put on hold for a week. So its like I was holding on to everything I was feeling on Wednesday morning after finding out for several days, while trying to enjoy time with my "good" brother, SIL, and adorable nephew. All of that has left my pretty numb and exhausted. Not only that, but I am always holding out hope that they will decide to move back to the states, but now that is completely off the table (and then SIL had the nerve to ask me whether H and I were planning to have kids - like I would want a bring a child into this world now!).

The hardest was being away from H during the past week. Neither of us got to process well enough because we couldn't really talk to each other. It sucked.

[sfy]

Dec 13, 2016 9:43:43 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

sfy , I love you, love!

This is quite mutual (heart) .
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