custody stuff - how would you handle this?

[nextbigthing]

DS is 20 months old

STBXH is an alcoholic that has been in rehab 3 times since I kicked him out 6 months ago

I am working for sole custody with supervised vistation as agreed upon.

He wants standard possession once DS turns 3, I say no way.  I can't trust that he'll be clean.

This is the last piece of the decree that we have to work out.


What should I go for here?  Fight for sole custody and he can take me back to court later?  Go for some clause saying that we can revisit when he's 3?  STBXH isn't a terrible person, if he can get and stay clean I want him to be a part of DS life, but for right now there's no way.


I don't want to make a mistake.  My lawyer told me to think about what I really want and we're talking later today.

[glynn]

I would see what your lawyers says... My thoughts would be that he would have to prove that he is claen before taking a small child that can't contact you or someone else if something happens... Not sure how to do this since I have not dealt with it personally. Good Luck!

[pinkdutchtulips]

Granted when xh and I split I had a RO that included a custody order. Given xh's inability to stay clean and sober among other mental health issues, I was awarded full legal AND physical custody. The court awarded zero visitation to him. This is the order I want included in the divorce decree (it's a slam dunk based on the fact he's got a criminal protective order levied against him). Without the decree, the custody order as-is is good until she's 18.

There is NO WAY I want to tinker with it unless he can consistently clean and sober - I don't see that happening. Yes it sucks that DD will have ZERO relationship w her dad but better no influence than a BAD influence.

[sparkythelawyer]

Nope. I would see what your lawyer says, but my gut says AT BEST, that the topic can be revisited at age three if certain criterion are met, but that the revisiting of the topic is by no way a unilateral agreement to changing custody at 3. Eff. that.

[nextbigthing]

Ok, talked to my lawyer.

We already have mediation scheduled for Dec 7 so we're going to use that to sort this out. I want sole custody and she thinks I'll get it

[greysgirl]

I have sole physical and legal custody of my son. My ex is an addict as well. For three years he was sober and I left ds see him every Sunday for a few hours supervised because I wanted my son to have a relationship with his father. Three months ago exh relapsed and ds hasn't seen him since. And legally he has no right to see him. It's better when you can make the best decisions for your child.

[statlerwaldorf]

I think you would be best off going for full custody. You can always allow him to see him more.