BSC Grandmother Possibly TMI / Graphic

[emjacobs]

***Do not quote, I will prob DD this later because of the specifics***


I mentioned my BSC grandmother in the crazy family post but things have actually gotten much much worse with her lately and my family has gotten to the point where we don't know what to do anymore.

My grandmother has always had a certain level of "normal" crazy her whole life, but it was nothing that was out of the realm of normalness for anyone. She also seemed to get a really bad case of seasonal depression.

Over the last few years things have gotten exponentially worse. It would appear to be dementia but when she is interviewed by doctors or the county psych she is 100% coherent and knows exactly what is going on in the world.

She has started hearing, seeing, and communicating with other "things". There is a gypsy family living in her (non-existent) basement and they had their baby in her bed which is why she now sleeps in her rocker. The "baby" is one of those C shaped neck pillows. The aliens are using her shower as a teleportal to their space ship. The man on the game show TV told her she won a blue VW Beetle but if she claimed it he was going to take her house and kick her and the cat out. There are people that kill the black dogs (we have a newfoundland and german shephard and a black collie that passed two years ago) every night behind the barn and then boil them and eat them, but the black dogs are alive in the morning so this doesn't scare her.

She is convinced that we are trying to poison her so she isn't taking all of her medicine anymore and because of that her legs are swelling and fluid is leaking through her skin. My aunt is the one person that she has trusted through everything but she has started calling her a whore and saying that she slept with the preacher and locking her out of the house. My aunt still does her weekly grocery shopping, makes sure the laundry is washed, and that she has her medicine (even if she won't take it).

Her washing machine broke last week and my brother (the other one mentioned in the crazy family post) went over to try to fix it, figured out that he couldn't, so was going to take it out so we could put a new one in. She came in and told J and his fiance (M) that they needed to get the fuck out of her fucking house and stop stealing her shit. They needed to leave her washing machine alone and they were the reason it was broken, her grandson who loves her was going to come over later and fix it. She then turned on M and told her that she was "The lying, cheating whore that came in and stole all of her things and ruined her life and that she needs to leave and never come back to the family you fucking skank" J at that point pushed the washer out the door and off the porch and he and M left.

My grandmother is almost 80, has lived alone for 1 year completely, and its been 10 years since my grandfather passed. She still lives on the family farm and doesn't get out much since she doesn't trust anyone any more. She won't let any of us in the house and doesn't believe us when we invite her to Thanksgiving or Christmas.

We have had the county out to try to get her removed from the house and into a geriatric mental facility because we can't get her to leave on her own. She is able to answer all questions, knows her name, knows all the people and can even name their parents / grandparents, knows the date, knows who the president is (That n****** Obama...that was the only sorta funny thing she's said), and is fully coherent so they can't force her to leave. She is still feeding herself, and other than not taking all of her meds isn't harming herself.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I need to get this off my chest because I (and most of my family) have been feeling like we are failures and that there is something that we could do to help her, but it is really hard to help someone that will call you the worst things you have ever heard, through a locked door, and won't accept the help.

If anyone has advice, suggestions, anything, I'm willing to try anything at this point.

If you stuck through all of this, gold star! It was a novel (*) (*) (*)

[emjacobs]

The post I was referencing was on a different board, I copied and pasted hoping for some insight or words of wisdom from you ladies. I know some of y'all have experience with different things that might help with this

[anlo]

Have you spoken directly with her primary care doctor? It sounds like some form of dementia, possibly Alzheimer's. I wonder if you got a formal dx through her doc if that would help w/r/t getting the county to help (I'm not sure who you mean by "the county," sorry). This situation sucks, I'm sorry Wish I had more advice.

[dizzydee]

Sept 10, 2012 10:47:03 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

knows who the president is (That n****** Obama...that was the only sorta funny thing she's said

Not funny!

If she isn't taking her meds, then she is a harm to herself and you should have no problem getting her removed from her home. Also my aunt and uncles video taped my grandmother and presented that to a judge so they could have her placed in a nursing facility, so that could be an option.

[anlo]

Also, I know the name calling, etc. is very hard to hear. Try to keep in mind that this is likely a function of her illness. You are doing what you can, hang in there.

[Deleted]

She sounds like H's grandmother.

She died this year (thank god) and was in a managed care facility since her husband died. The state couldn't take her because she was just like how you described, BSC one second and perfectly sane in the interviews. It drove MIL/FIL insane (I honestly think the stress from Grandma caused FIL's heart attack).

You guys aren't failures. You can't do much with a person who keeps fighting back. Its terrible and I'm sorry you guys have to go through this.

Is there anyway to get her medicine in liquid form, have someone mix a drink for her and put it in the drink? They did that in the managed care home for H's grandma. It helped and towards the end, they had to pretty much sedate and hold her down to even eat (she would end up naked in her room and running around..she gave away her clothes, money, etc.).

I hope y'all can find a solution soon

[karmasabiotch]

Most communites have an adult protective sevices and an area agency on aging chapter. These would both be good resources to get information on how the system works in your area specifically. Someone needs to get appointed as a guardian of her and get her the help and services that she needs. It can be a family member or a GAL.

[partiallysunny]

I don't have any advice (though the person suggesting you video tape it is a genius). I'm sorry you are in this situation and I hope you get/find the resources you need to get your grandmother help.

[dowagercountess]

Mental note em's funny and mine are very different.

Videotape.

[bcv513]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I agree with others that it sounds like dementia or Alzheimer's. FI's grandmother had it too, and it was awful. The family went through hell, and it's SO hard not to take to heart the insults. I would start with her primary care doctor.

[WOT?*]

Sept 10, 2012 10:57:52 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

Most communites have an adult protective sevices and an area agency on aging chapter. These would both be good resources to get information on how the system works in your area specifically. Someone needs to get appointed as a guardian of her and get her the help and services that she needs. It can be a family member or a GAL.

This. And if you can videotape or have witnesses when you visit to verify her words and actions it might not be a bad thing. If she can hold it together for others when it's needed, maybe they should see how it is when she's not holding it together.

[Deleted]

Sept 10, 2012 10:54:05 GMT -5 dizzydee said:

Sept 10, 2012 10:47:03 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

knows who the president is (That n****** Obama...that was the only sorta funny thing she's said

Not funny!

If she isn't taking her meds, then she is a harm to herself and you should have no problem getting her removed from her home. Also my aunt and uncles video taped my grandmother and presented that to a judge so they could have her placed in a nursing facility, so that could be an option.

i'm pretty sure (god, i hope so) that she means "funny" in the sense of "well, despite all the other changes she's still the same racist we all knew as kids." sort of rueful. at least that's how i felt about my grandfather's continued racist bullshit even after his dementia progressed.

there is likely an elder care/elder law specialist in your area. maybe meet with them? my grandfater declined rapidly once he was finally diagnosed with alzheimers. the paranoia, the bizarre views, even some of the sort of hallucinations you're describing all sound familiar. he eventually needed either to be in a facility or to have 24/7 care (he lived with a relative and had a live-in nurse).

at minimum, it sounds like your grandmother needs someone official to visit regularly and monitor her med intake (and for other signs of decline). that person could also be an ally in attempting to move your grandmother to a facility/to get power of attorney/etc.

[VeryViolet]

I am so sorry you are going through this. We are starting to go through something similar with DH grandmother and I am kind of at a loss myself as what to do.

Also I read the "funny" comment as more of it being the only off or out there thing she said rather than haha funny. I hope I was right.

[deanlicker78]

My Grandmother lost it like this after my Granddad died. It came to a head when she locked herself out of the house and couldn't get back in because she had put Shoe Goo in all the locks to keep "them" out. ("Them" and "they" were always out to get her and steal her stuff.) A neighbor just happened to catch sight of her wandering around her back yard in nothing more than pajamas and slippers in the middle of January. She could have easily died, it was freezing out.

She entered a nursing home shortly after that. The doctors told us she had developed a kind of schizophrenia. There was an actual name for what she had but I can't remember it now. If your grandma is fighting getting help, I would second the videotaping idea. Document everything. Hope she gets some help soon.

[emjacobs]

Quick reply: the Obama comment was funny because that is the only "old Mimi" thing left and it was like oh ok she might still be in there.

Not: I think it's funny that she's racist. Shes old and southern and a bumpkin it is what it is.

[Jermys]

Sept 10, 2012 11:01:17 GMT -5 dowagercountess said:

Mental note em's funny and mine are very different.

Videotape.

Jesus, for real.

And yes to the videotape.

[emjacobs]

Sept 10, 2012 11:29:12 GMT -5 Jermys said:

Sept 10, 2012 11:01:17 GMT -5 dowagercountess said:

Mental note em's funny and mine are very different.

Videotape.

Jesus, for real.

And yes to the videotape.

Read note above, this wasn't "HAHA RACISM" it was Oh haha she's still in there somewhere, because she was racist my whole childhood. More of "HAHA of course that would be the one normal thing she would pull out"

[emjacobs]

Thanks guys for the suggestions, I really love the videotape idea and I will suggest that anytime someone goes over that they take an audio recorder. She has been seen by her PCP and they said it was a Vitamin B12 deficiency and gave her a shot and put her on a Rx. She is still taking that one (we are having trouble with some of the incontinence medicine) and is also taking all of her diabetes medicine which is the important one.

The adult protection services were the people that she knew 100% of everything and they said that since she can feed herself and can answer the questions, they can't force her to leave and Medicaid will only pay for the care if she is either put in it by the county / state or by a doctor, if we electively take her to a facility for long term care we are responsible for 100% of the costs and that is roughly $4,000/month. My parents are the only ones with the means to pay for things for my grandmother but they can't afford an additional $48,000 a year in bills.

I am sorry if anyone was offended by the obama comment, I re-read it after someone gave it the sideeye and saw exactly what everyone else saw and my face turned red I got into typing all of this and my head is spinning with all of this stuff that I typed it as it occurred instead of looking at it a little more and typing out the reasoning.

[CheshireGrin]

Sept 10, 2012 10:54:05 GMT -5 dizzydee said:

If she isn't taking her meds, then she is a harm to herself and you should have no problem getting her removed from her home. Also my aunt and uncles video taped my grandmother and presented that to a judge so they could have her placed in a nursing facility, so that could be an option.

Not true. Everyone has the right to refuse medication; otherwise we'd have to throw all the crunchy people into mental hospitals too. What you need to do is prove that she's not competent to make that decision, that she doesn't understand what the medications are or the ramifications to her health if she doesn't take them.

I agree with videotaping. And also, document EVERYTHING, even if it's just notes. Write down the date, and exactly what she said or did that was crazy. Use direct quotes.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a really tough spot to be in.